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When major health issue doesn't seem to deter their drinking ?...

Old 09-18-2017, 02:20 AM
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Soinlove
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When major health issue doesn't seem to deter their drinking ?...

Hello ,
t's been a long time since I've posted & but I'm not going to go into a lot of detail. Too much. Lots of good times for kids, him & I, Lof set backs too. Currently he has a major health issue ( blood clots in lungs ) going on that I was the last to find out about ( we weren't speaking at the time because I'd put my foot down about the drinking- he's living on his own ) . I didn't find out until after he was out of the hospital. But then he told me & we have began talking-- of course I'm concerned about this but also about the whole big picture. I came back in town today to find that my guess was correct, despite this life threatening issue, the major drinking is still happening (guessing a fifth a night ). I don't know if dr seeing him ,knows about this, if anyone at hospital was even told he's an alcoholic ? I know it's not my job "save him " . I guess this will be something to talk to my therapist about.& yes I'm going to al-anon now too, often.
As angry as I was when I saw the empty bottles, I had to step back and remind myself... he has to choose do this, you know this. You can't love him enough to do it for him, you've tried that.
Any other advice?
Positive thoughts & prayers would be welcome too... only 39 years old-- not sure how many years he has at this rate, heartbreaking.

Last edited by soinlove; 09-18-2017 at 02:23 AM. Reason: Update needed
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Old 09-18-2017, 04:04 AM
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Hi soinlove,
I'm really sorry to read this.

I wish I had some insight that would help but it's a terrible fact that some of us will drink ourselves into the grave.

I'm not sure what you or any of us can do about that but be ready for the worst should it happen.

Some, like me, do manage a moment of clarity though and manage to claw ourselves back from the brink.

I'll be praying your loved one has that kind of epiphany.

D
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Old 09-18-2017, 05:34 AM
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Hello and welcome back,
Alcoholism is considered to be a mental illness (substance abuse disorder as they prefer to call it these days), so please do not underestimate the power of denial. Also do not assume that one particular health issue, no matter how severe it is, is going to stop him (been there, done that). The reason is, he simply may not think that his health problems are alcohol related. Remember that they tend to convince themselves that it is always somebody else's fault, but never theirs, never alcohol?

The first time my ex went to ER, he was telling everybody it was a "small heart attack." The truth is, he went through a withdrawal. And then he went back so many times, but the doctors could not do anything except patch him up and release him. The withdrawals were severe, seizures included. The doctors knew what was "wrong" with him, but they could not force him into treatment. Fast forward two years. After losing everything he had, his family sent him to a program, which brought him back to life. Now, will he appreciate it, will he take it seriously, will he commit himself to recovery? Well that is not really my problem anymore. But I wish him all the best.

I always praise Al Anon. I swear it saved my life. So, learn about alcoholism and focus on yourself.
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Old 09-18-2017, 05:57 AM
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My AH is dying right now from alcohol abuse. Heart and other organ failure. His body shutting down.

Doctors have been telling him for last five or so years that it would kill him if he continued drinking. It is playing out exactly as the doctors described.

Sadly alcoholism is beating him.

An awful disease.
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Old 09-20-2017, 05:29 AM
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Sil,
I am sending you thoughts and prayers. It is so hard on us codies to watch the people we love self destruct. Acceptance and help for us is all we can do. They say that God doesnt give us more then we can handle.

I would continue hitting alanon meetings, open aa meetings, an addiction therapist and of course sr. That is all we can do and pray, like Dee said, hopefully he will have that one moment of clarity and seek sobriety.

Hugs to you my friend, we do understand.
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Old 09-20-2017, 06:36 AM
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It is heartbreaking to see those you care about go down the road to ruin. It took ALOT of therapy for me to realize that you cannot love someone well or control them into being well. It has to be their own choice.

Big hugs to you.
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Old 09-20-2017, 10:31 AM
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I am sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately my fiancée was one of those who drank herself to death.

It's been about 5 months ago now. She was hospitalized numerous times and even had a life saving procedure on her liver.

Unfortunately, nothing was enough to convince her.

It has been hard moving on without her and I wish that I had more words of encouragement.

The only suggestion that I wish I had listen more to was that

"Worry does not ease the grief of tomorrow. It only robs today if it's happiness."

Best wishes and take care.
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Old 09-20-2017, 10:47 AM
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At the heart of all addiction is self-destructiveness coupled with denial and rationalization. Each day we make a choice: to drink or not drink. It helped me to pray for the ability to accept.
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