Kaz1915

Taken onboard.

Thank you.

PuzzledHeart

We had many loving moments with our nanny too. She often sewed back together the stuffed animals she ripped apart. She also said she loved us. She cuddled us. But during those moments, we never knew what was going to set her off, so we were especially good. We could never feel secure in her love because we were worried, in a moment of weakness, we would do something bad that we didn't intend to and it would get her angry again.

We made a special effort to love her so she wouldn't get angry at us. Your kids may be especially loving to your husband in the hope that he won't drink. You know that is an incredibly unfair expectation to put on kids. It is also an incredibly unfair expectation to put on you.

qtpi

back to follow your heart. my heart wants me to go back to him. but my gut and my brain say no way. I think it was the "good times" in between the bad times- and I lived for those crumbs of affection. Now I see consistent love and caring are basic-and I mean consistent. I look back and I was consistently loving and caring- that's what a relationship should be. Through the years, I would bring up the drinking and it did not matter to him that it hurt me- he wouldn't quit. Now I understand I deserve more than that- yes, maybe it is a compulsion- but if you have diabetes or multiple scelerosis or clinical depression, you take care of it so you won't suffer and your family will have the best of you. He wasn't bringing his best to the table. I will always care about him. But I will no longer live in the hell that is an alcoholic marriage. I know it may sound harsh- but me throwing my own singular life away will not make it any better for XAH. At least one of us can find happiness. Recovery looks like recovery and love looks like love.