kcjnan

My mom was found unresponsive this morning. I'm 26 and she's 60. She's been a long time alcoholic and was very much in her end-stage. My aunt found her unresponsive this morning, the EMS couldn't get a pulse, but when they got to the hospital they were able to get one. I believe they said her kidney was failing. I haven't had a lot of updates yet.

I don't know whether she is going to make it or not - I'm in a different state and can't be there. I'm feeling terrible feelings of guilt - my anger and pain towards my mom overshadowed any compassion that I could feel the past couple years. And now I may never be able to speak to her again. I can't stop crying.

Please, if you could send positive thoughts and prayers, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

SparkleKitty

Big hugs to you kcjnan. My mother is also an alcoholic. Though she stopped drinking many years ago, she has never been willing or able to work towards repairing our relationship.

Continue to take care of and be gentle with yourself right now. I'll be thinking of you.

LeeJane

Sorry to hear this. Prayers for you and your mum.

Culture

I hope you have someone there for support and a shoulder to lean on.

Every good thought and prayers go out, to you and your Mom.

honeypig

kcj, you will be in my thoughts, and I will light my little lamp for you and your mother both.

NYCDoglvr

A hug and prayer for you in this heartbreaking time.

Nola0250

My heart is with you also. Hugs

kcjnan

An update:

Her liver and kidney are failing. They are not in good condition. The doctor said there are really no options but they have her on sodium (and probably other things, not sure) to try to stablize her levels. Whatever that means. I'm going to drive 5 hours to see her tomorrow, hoping that she doesn't pass tonight. Her siblings have decided that they want to let her go through hospice essentially.

How can there be no options? I'm so confused. I feel horrible guilt. I don't know how to get through this. I text my moms number hoping she will wake up.

Does anyone have any advice? Is there anyone I can talk to? I hate myself.

Sasha1972

I don't have advice, but I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Please don't hate yourself - you didn't bring this about, and it is so confusing and crazy that I imagine it is hard to know what is the right thing to do. Having anger, guilt and compassion all mixed up - I would probably feel that way too if I were in your position.

Dee74

Prayers and best wishes for you and your mom kcjan

I don't know your back story but as an alcoholic myself, I know I pushed everyone away when I was drinking, and I angered them and caused them pain. Its the insanity of addiction..

Please don't beat yourself up for your moms choices.

D

Hevyn

I agree - you have nothing to feel guilty about - when I was drinking no one could have gotten through to me. I will pray for you and your mom, kcj. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

LucyGoosey

I'm so sorry to read of your situation. My husband died of alcoholism. His liver was too damaged. I found it helpful to see a therapist that specialized in working with families of addicts. I also found a group called Grasp which stands for grief recovery after a substance passing. We meet monthly and there is also a closed facebook group. Every member of my group talks about the anger they felt/still feel toward the addict. Many prayers coming your way. This is tough stuff.

kcjnan

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and advice. I'm sorry to those of you who have gone through similar situations and to those of you that lost a loved one.

I'm incredibly nervous to see my mom tomorrow. I will give an update on what proceeds.

Thank you again.

FeelingGreat

kc, I'm thinking of you in this difficult time. Whatever her reasons, your mother was in charge of her own destiny, and you could not do anything to control that.

Maybe when you do see her, tell her about a time when you were happy with her.

velma929

sending hugs.

AnvilheadII

How can there be no options?

the human body can only take so much abuse.....and the medical profession can only do so much. it's a sad FACT of life.

i am so sorry for this chapter in your life. wishing you a measure of peace.

Eauchiche

Dear kcjnan
You are definitely in my prayers.

Most of us are on these forums because we married an addict. You had no choice in being put in this situation. Go easy on yourself.

Hummer

Sending best wishes to you and your mum at this extremely painful time.
Go easy on yourself - none of this is your fault.

kcjnan

Thank you everyone. Just an update - my mom woke up and is able to say single words and understand what we're saying. I'm currently driving to the hospital where she is, I'm a couple hours away. She is in very poor health though. I don't know if she will make it, but I was at least able to tell her that I loved her and that I was sorry over the phone as we were driving there.

Please, please continue to pray and send positive thoughts. Her condition is very bad so I'm afraid we still might lose her. But I can only hope for the best. And I hope she is still able to talk when we get there.

Thank you all.

atalose

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult time.

((hugs))