atalose

Old habits die-hard. We lived a certain people pleasing life for well most of it! At least I know I did. Everyone else came first, their needs came first and their wants came first. My needs and wants were none existent and actually putting them into words was a struggle. I was not even sure what they were anymore they became so stuffed down and trampled over and disregarded it was as if I did not even have any.

I think when we take that first leap of faith. As you did by moving out, we fear the net will not appear. However, it does, we become the net, we become stronger, and we become independent and embrace life rather than endure it.

dandylion

fml....it is natural that you miss your old home that you just moved out of.
Everything new feels a little weird, in the beginning. But, with each day, a little more familiarity develops....until, it finally becomes a new normal....becomes comfortable.....
Sure, you will remember the old house (unless you develop amnesia), but, you will remember it without it tearing your gut out every time you do.....

It will help a little if you start putting your "mark" on the new apartment. Let your daughter help you, and it can actually become fun.....

BAW81

I think it's really interesting that your 6 year old is so excited, maybe at her young age, she is also ready for life away from your AH. Hug her and hold her close, she needs you and your strength now more than ever.

Remember that when you feel down or start going down the rabbit hole of focusing all of your energy on what your AH is doing....try to refocus that energy to her, someone who actually needs and wants it.

You might think you want your old home...but do you....really? What you might miss is your house but not the home. You have given you and your daughter the gift of rebuilding a new home together. Again, way to go, mom!

dandylion

fml....lol....I AM one of those "healthcare people"......
I, also, have worked with lots of alcoholics...detoxing them...following them in treatment...dealing with their families...etc.
They will be on to him. And, they know that detox and rehab is just an opportunity to start on the road to recovery....
Most marriage counselors are not extremely well versed in alcoholism/addiction...unless they have special education/experience in that area....
Anyway...they tend to focus on the marriage...not so much on the individual....

this is one reason that you are encouraged to take advantage of our Classic Reading section of the stickies, as well as all the other stories, here on the forum...so that you will be resistant to manipulations and charm....you will see it for what it is....
Knowledge is power.

I am going to give you a couple of links to this kind of information, in our "library" of excellent articles about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)

fml23

Oh dear! No offense intended. I work in healthcare (NOT behavioral health). I hold the health insurance and am a bit 'locked' into talking to his psychiatrist and counselor for the transfer to rehab. I guess I am peeved because I almost feeling like they are feeling me out to see how much I am going to support him. They keep giving me stellar comments about how engaged and motivated he is for me and daughter. I am hoping once the billing stuff is authorized I am off the hook. Then again I'm not their patient am I? I don't REALLY know how things are in their and it's not my business. And I DO have the option NOT to pick up the phone, don't I?

dandylion

fml....try not to "read" too much into it. They have had only a cursory interaction with him, so, naturally, they will take what he says at face value, right now.
Yes, you will be "off the hook".
You are correct...HE is their patient...not you.
Of course you have the option to not pick up the phone, if you don't want to.
It is always your responsibility to protect your own boundaries...in every situation.....
No worries....no offence taken!

atalose

Try not to let them pressure you into making any kind of promises or commitments to him. Come up with some standard answers like…………I am not making any decisions right now about anything……………..I am working with my own counselor and don’t wish to discuss his issues at the moment, etc. etc. They are there for HIM not you keep remembering that!!

fml23

I am definitely in need of space and my own non-alcoholic focused counseling. I read the stickies and Codie self help books and a lot of it doesn't jive with me. I feel like 'people pleasing' and 'poor boundaries' don't resonate. yet, I have trouble being responsible for my boundaries. I really really do.

tomsteve

chaos and drama can be addictive.
when i was in a wee bit of a codependant relationship with a chronic relapsing alkie/addict(imagine this- that relationship happened AFTER i got sober) that was part of it.
it also became my normal and without the drama and chaos, which IS normal, nothing felt normal.
when I finally ended it,which didnt mean SHE was done, i kept answering the phone until the pain of answering the phone was unbearable.
then let the answering machine take the abuse.
then had to unplug my phone.
then threaten a restraining order.