AXBF Hospitalized
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AXBF Hospitalized
I begin this post with a big *sigh*. Nothing this bad has ever happened before, and I'm at a loss.
AXBF is now living with his mother, and a few nights ago, he started hallucinating. He called the police, claiming to have seen four people swimming in the back yard. He went around the house unplugging all of the electronic devices because he said he kept hearing the "Roseanne" theme song. He called the police twice more, for what I have no idea. Then, at 5am, the police came pounding on the front door. AXBF was found at the park (about a 1/2 mile away), no shoes and no shirt. He told the police someone had beaten him up and stabbed his mother and step-father to death. He told them I was dead and our daughter was too in vivid, gory detail.
They called an ambulance, and he was taken to the hospital where he has been ever since. I think he's in the psych ward. (His mom has been a bit tight-lipped about those specific details.) Surprisingly, even though the cops suspected meth, there were no drugs in his system, not even alcohol. He was going through withdrawals, whether deliberately or not we don't know. He still hasn't stopped hallucinating, saying he sees small children in his hospital room, talking to people that aren't there, and pretending the blanket is our daughter; he's extremely agitated, ripping off his monitors, cursing, and clenching his fists; and he's been having seizures, lots and lots of them. It has been two days, and he is still heavily sedated and completely incoherent. This all sounds really severe to me. Is it? Is his case extreme? Could he die? Could he have braing damage from the seizures? The only information I'm getting is secondhand from his mother.
I feel heartbroken. I don't feel guilty or like I want to save him or anything. I just feel powerless. I'm afraid he's going to kill himself. I'm debating whether I should go see him when he's not so out of it. And I'm trying to figure out if this is what's best for me. I think I'm strong enough. I want to be compassionate, which I know I can do from afar, but I want to tell him something. I want to say: "Please don't kill yourself. Your daughter needs you."
Has anyone been through anything like this before? I'd really appreciate hearing some other experiences right about now.
AXBF is now living with his mother, and a few nights ago, he started hallucinating. He called the police, claiming to have seen four people swimming in the back yard. He went around the house unplugging all of the electronic devices because he said he kept hearing the "Roseanne" theme song. He called the police twice more, for what I have no idea. Then, at 5am, the police came pounding on the front door. AXBF was found at the park (about a 1/2 mile away), no shoes and no shirt. He told the police someone had beaten him up and stabbed his mother and step-father to death. He told them I was dead and our daughter was too in vivid, gory detail.
They called an ambulance, and he was taken to the hospital where he has been ever since. I think he's in the psych ward. (His mom has been a bit tight-lipped about those specific details.) Surprisingly, even though the cops suspected meth, there were no drugs in his system, not even alcohol. He was going through withdrawals, whether deliberately or not we don't know. He still hasn't stopped hallucinating, saying he sees small children in his hospital room, talking to people that aren't there, and pretending the blanket is our daughter; he's extremely agitated, ripping off his monitors, cursing, and clenching his fists; and he's been having seizures, lots and lots of them. It has been two days, and he is still heavily sedated and completely incoherent. This all sounds really severe to me. Is it? Is his case extreme? Could he die? Could he have braing damage from the seizures? The only information I'm getting is secondhand from his mother.
I feel heartbroken. I don't feel guilty or like I want to save him or anything. I just feel powerless. I'm afraid he's going to kill himself. I'm debating whether I should go see him when he's not so out of it. And I'm trying to figure out if this is what's best for me. I think I'm strong enough. I want to be compassionate, which I know I can do from afar, but I want to tell him something. I want to say: "Please don't kill yourself. Your daughter needs you."
Has anyone been through anything like this before? I'd really appreciate hearing some other experiences right about now.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 46
Hi save
I went through the same thing with my brother in January.it was the same for me getting the story second hand as I'd no contacts the time.all I know is he was picked up starkers by the police and brought to mental home,the good thing that came out of it he has help and support from social workers and he's going to meeting with them.the good news is he's sober for the first time this passed week.
I went through the same thing with my brother in January.it was the same for me getting the story second hand as I'd no contacts the time.all I know is he was picked up starkers by the police and brought to mental home,the good thing that came out of it he has help and support from social workers and he's going to meeting with them.the good news is he's sober for the first time this passed week.
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Hello SaveHer,
My stepson has been hospitalized due to alcohol withdrawal 3 times in his life. He has had hallucinations about aliens, the television playing on the walls, all sorts of bizarre things. He has had to be restrained in the hospital bed. During his first hospitalization, the doctors told us he had a 50/50 shot of surviving the withdrawals, the alcoholic hepatitis, and the jaundice. Amazingly, he did survive--the human body can heal itself remarkably well.
Sadly, he continued and continues to abuse alcohol and other drugs.
Your whole family is in my prayers!
My stepson has been hospitalized due to alcohol withdrawal 3 times in his life. He has had hallucinations about aliens, the television playing on the walls, all sorts of bizarre things. He has had to be restrained in the hospital bed. During his first hospitalization, the doctors told us he had a 50/50 shot of surviving the withdrawals, the alcoholic hepatitis, and the jaundice. Amazingly, he did survive--the human body can heal itself remarkably well.
Sadly, he continued and continues to abuse alcohol and other drugs.
Your whole family is in my prayers!
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Location: W Washington
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that's tough sledding, hon. i'm leaning towards NOT going to see him in the hospital....not out of cruelty or meanness, but that it won't be the "interaction" you see in your head. after my best friend (at the time) attempted suicide (again) i called the cops......long story but when i went to see him the next day in the hospital he glared at me. he was still in restraints and really mad at everyone......i'm not sure mad about being alive or mad at causing all the chaos for nothing...........
let him have his space. he'll either have some type of AHA moment........or not.
let him have his space. he'll either have some type of AHA moment........or not.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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That sounds terribly difficult. I don't have any direct experience which is similar, but I have a good friend whose teenage son has psychotic breaks, and it's awful for the whole family. It may be withdrawal, it may be completely independent of addiction (schizophrenia or other severe mental illnesses). You and your daughter have my concern and prayers.
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Once the hallucinatory period passed for my stepson, he was himself again. He recognized his brothers and sister and father when they came in his room. He was no longer restrained. During his hallucinations, he seemed to recognize his family but perhaps thought they were spies or aliens--not sure.
I don't remember exactly how long the worst of the DTs lasted, but it was probably 72 hours, I would guess.
I think if you want to visit you should. But perhaps prepare yourself for the visit to not be what you hope for...
I don't remember exactly how long the worst of the DTs lasted, but it was probably 72 hours, I would guess.
I think if you want to visit you should. But perhaps prepare yourself for the visit to not be what you hope for...
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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I don’t think going to see him in that condition would be good for you at all. I don’t think that what you really want to say to him about not killing himself because his daughter needs him is a good idea either. I wouldn’t think he’s in a state of mind that could be receptive to that at this point in time. It may actually have a negative effect. I think you need to do nothing at this juncture except maybe say some prayers and wait it out to see what happens.
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I hear what everyone is saying. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with feeling compelled to visit the father of my child who was a part of my life for ten years--as long as I do so cautiously and without expectations. On the other hand, I would be doing so at the risk of my own recovery, which has been going SO well. I feel lighter, happier, and freer without him in my life, and I'm able to focus all of my energy on me and my daughter.
The problem is even though I don't feel like I owe him anything, I feel like I owe it to my daughter. I want to be able to one day tell her that I did everything I could to salvage her relationship with her father. It's not about me, or him, or our past together--it would be for her.
This is, of course, all complicated by the fact that I have a dvro against him. I don't even know the legality of my visiting him with the restraining order in place.
His mother called me today with good news. He slept well last night, no seizures. They're going to take him off the sedatives today and try feeding him and moving him out of the bed. I think he might be out of the woods, but I hope there was no permanent damage done.
The problem is even though I don't feel like I owe him anything, I feel like I owe it to my daughter. I want to be able to one day tell her that I did everything I could to salvage her relationship with her father. It's not about me, or him, or our past together--it would be for her.
This is, of course, all complicated by the fact that I have a dvro against him. I don't even know the legality of my visiting him with the restraining order in place.
His mother called me today with good news. He slept well last night, no seizures. They're going to take him off the sedatives today and try feeding him and moving him out of the bed. I think he might be out of the woods, but I hope there was no permanent damage done.
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I want to say: "Please don't kill yourself. Your daughter needs you."
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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The problem is even though I don't feel like I owe him anything, I feel like I owe it to my daughter.
Were you planning to take your daughter to visit her father? Is that what you meant by owe it to her? How old is she?
This is, of course, all complicated by the fact that I have a dvro against him. I don't even know the legality of my visiting him with the restraining order in place.
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Our daughter is only 5 months old, and there is no way I would take her with me to visit him. My thought process here is he hasn't even seen her in over two months due to the restraining order and custody hearings, and I think he's under the impression that I'm trying to completely cut him out of her life. This is not the case. It never was. Perhaps he needs that reassurance, and in the long run, if something good, like recovery, came out of it, then my daughter might still be able to have a good relationship with BOTH parents.
(If this sounds completely illogical or codependent, please slap me with some truth.)
I should definitely look into the impact a visit would have on the status of the restraining order. Thanks for the information.
(If this sounds completely illogical or codependent, please slap me with some truth.)
I should definitely look into the impact a visit would have on the status of the restraining order. Thanks for the information.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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How about you wait and see if he reaches recovery, works a program and gets his life on track first before bridging him having any kind of relationship with his daughter. You need to keep acting in her best interest even if it does not feel like it is in her best interest right now.
I don’t mean this in a mean way…….you can’t use your daughter as a dangling carrot over him in attempts to get him to sober up and stay that way. As it’s said here so often, love cannot stop them from doing what they are going to do.
Yes, keep thinking about the whole impact a visit from you to him in the hospital would mean. Not just with the restraining order but with your emotional health.
Maybe try journaling all of these thoughts down as if you are writing your daughter a letter about the things you want and wish for her with her father and all the reason why today that is just not possible.
I don’t mean this in a mean way…….you can’t use your daughter as a dangling carrot over him in attempts to get him to sober up and stay that way. As it’s said here so often, love cannot stop them from doing what they are going to do.
Yes, keep thinking about the whole impact a visit from you to him in the hospital would mean. Not just with the restraining order but with your emotional health.
Maybe try journaling all of these thoughts down as if you are writing your daughter a letter about the things you want and wish for her with her father and all the reason why today that is just not possible.
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Oh, I am definitely not imagining anything immediate. There is a reason why I fought for (and won) sole physical and legal custody of our daughter while he only gets supervised visitation.
If he went into withdrawal because he was legitimately trying to stop drinking, then maybe now is the time to remind him of what he has to lose (or gain, really, because he already lost us), to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. Then, if he can seek active recovery, maybe my daughter will have a real chance with her father in the future... down the road... way, way down the road.
Am I making any sense? I'm just talking about planting the seed. He would need to water it.
If he went into withdrawal because he was legitimately trying to stop drinking, then maybe now is the time to remind him of what he has to lose (or gain, really, because he already lost us), to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. Then, if he can seek active recovery, maybe my daughter will have a real chance with her father in the future... down the road... way, way down the road.
Am I making any sense? I'm just talking about planting the seed. He would need to water it.
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Ugh, do I sound hopelessly codependent? I just want the possibility of a healthy father-daughter relationship for my little angel. She deserves nothing less. And I know it's up to him, not me, but I want to fight for her.
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Originally Posted by SaveHer 
As I said, my motive is my daughter. She can't advocate for herself; she can't say, "Dad, don't do this. I want you to be happy, healthy, and sober. I want to have a relationship with you some day."
I understand this. If you think that guilt for not advocating for your daughter will eat at you in the future, if I were in your place I would go and communicate this message to him. It sounds like you are not going to be pulled into the vortex of his needs and his recovery (or lack of recovery), and you know that probably nothing you say will register with him in a meaningful way. If being able to say that you tried is important to you because you are responsible for your daughter's well-being, I would carry out this task.
Your child may never have a healthy relationship with her father. Mine certainly won't. But it's important to me to be able to say that I tried everything I could to make it possible for that relationship to exist, even if ultimately there was nothing I could do.
(FWIW I took my daughter to visit her father when he was in a locked psych ward last year [after first checking it out myself and ascertaining that it wasn't too much of a horror show and that her father was lucid] - very much not fun, and I was unsure if I had made the right call for a long time. But in the end, I'm glad I did. Kid knows [even if she doesn't always acknowledge it] that I really tried to work with her father, and that will help her relationship with me).
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