SaveYourHeart

Hey y'all! I survived the hurricane! It really wasn't bad where I'm at, just a lot of trees down.

So last time I posted, I asked about ultimatums, to which almost everyone advised it would be a bad idea. But I'm stubborn and I did it anyway. (I really need to learn to listen to y'all). So we're about a week and a half post ultimatum (quit drinking or I'll leave you) and he hasn't slipped yet. I'm not holding onto a lot of hope, but I am also enjoying this sober time.

We laid in bed all day the other day and watched movies, were lazy, loving, we laughed and didn't worry about anything else. It felt like the before. We haven't argued, we've been spending more time together, I'm even considering moving back into our room.

But again, I am simply enjoying this for what it is right now. If he slips up, I'll leave. That was the ultimatum and this time I'm sticking to it. I know you're gonna ask, "why did you feel the need to give him an ultimatum" and I'm not 100% sure of the answer to that, but it felt right and I did it and I'm not sorry. I told my therapist that if he drinks, I will leave and she supported me in this (I know that's her job but she really has been one of the greatest blessings in my life right now).

Since the ultimatum, I haven't been stressed, I feel like I'm at peace with my decision, no matter which way the results fall. I have given it my all and I'm excited for whichever future comes my way.

Bekindalways

Hey Saveyourheart, if it works for you that is great. As a teacher, I find most of us are experiential learners. I sure had to try several different approaches with my Qualifier to figure out what I needed to do.

We actually aren't supposed to advise just tell of our own experiences but most of us do wind up advising at some time or another . . . sigh.

Let us know how it goes. Either way I hope you can find some support here!

FeelingGreat

Ultimatums can be a problem if you're not willing to follow through on them, but if you think of it as a boundary for you, it makes sense.
Your boundary is that you won't hang around if he drinks again. As long as you're at peace with that decision, then time will tell it's outcome. He may be able to keep up with the no drinking for a certain time, but it's hard to stop permanently unless you're doing it for yourself.
Glad you're enjoying this time with him, and I hope it lasts.

BAW81

I agree with the post above that it sounds like you set a boundary and that is great! Best of luck to you.

dandylion

Saveyourheart.....making a boundary to protect yourself is great! Following through on it, if that becomes necessary, is even better......