Kallioya

Hi all its been awhile. I think the last time I wrote in my cousin had just died of a massive overdose of methadone and alcohol, that was two years years ago.
Recently, July, 22 my mother passed away. She was my cousins' enabler and my son's enabler. She provided a lot of the alcohol and money to fuel the addiction.
I argued, pleaded and begged for her NOT to give my son money, booze or food, all to no avail.
Now my son stands to inherit $70,000. in one lump sum depositied into his account.
The stipulation she placed on her will is that the four of us have to agree to sign off on the estate. If one of us doesn't sign off the money stays frozen. No money for anyone....until everyone signs off.
QUESTION: I have fought for 22years not to contribute to the alcoholism...now if I sign off , and follow her wishes, I am doing what I have fought to stop.
This isn't good, my son is 36 yrs old, alcoholic, drug addict and identity confused...swears he's a girl. At one point he was diagnosed schizophrenic.
I also feel that by giving him the money I am essentially signing his death warrant.
The other two beneficiaries are responsible and family oriented , I don't want them to go without...both say give him the money. (They are siblings)
A public trustee could be appointed but it would take 4-7 months plus psych evaluations and court costs.
I don't know what to do, or what feels right..Any one else ever been in this situation?
I'm lost..

Sasha1972

I see you're in Canada - if your son has a formal diagnosis of schizophrenia, you could ask your lawyer to look into setting up a Henson trust for your son's inheritance. It's a way of "freezing" the inheritance or other assets of a person who does not have the capacity to make well-informed decisions about their financial state. A trustee is appointed, and payouts from the trust are at the discretion of the trustee (so the trustee could transfer money from the trust to pay for rent or other needs but not big sums of cash). Usually these are set up in the will of the person providing the inheritance, but if all the executors (you and three others) are in agreement, it might be possible to create such a trust even if it wasn't in the original will. A lawyer who specializes in estate law should be able to advise.

Ladybird579

My exah got $120 in a lump sum. He's still here 3 years on. I thought he'd drink himself to death but he hasn't. He had a good try. I'd be inclined to sign off and let the chips fall where they fall. He's a grown man and you can't control what he does with the money or how he lives his life.

Seren

I really can't advise you on what might be best in your situation, Kallioya. I can tell you that when my husband died suddenly almost 2 years ago, he had a life insurance policy in which his children were named--one being his alcoholic, addict son (my stepson). During our marriage, he talked about changing the beneficiary arrangement on the policy because he was afraid what his son might do with a big wad of cash all at once. Unfortunately, he never got around to doing so. There was nothing I could do but let go of that situation.

In less than one year of receiving the money, my stepson landed himself in the hospital, again. Flat broke, nearly dead from the withdrawals from alcohol and heroin. Surprisingly, he lives still. Although I wish for his sake he had never received that money.

I will pray for your son and for peace and clarity for you!