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Quiet everything. ..

Old 09-10-2017, 05:29 PM
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Quiet everything. ..

So my AH is two meetings into AA and since he has stopped drinking he is soooo quiet. We could sit together for an hour and he says nothing. Only short answers to my questions. He seems chatty via text when at work but he is a different person in person.
I ask if he is upset, mad or anything at me and he says no. But since our friends and family held an intervention he is chummy with them and again, nothing to me.
Our relationship has been on the outs for years now and the last one I've been walking around in limbo. When he was drinking I would get the, I'm happy we are out, kisses and hugs but I don't think the actual I love you kind.
I don't want to push or pry because I don't want him to run back to the bottle or pills. Any advice?? Or insight to what is going on with him?
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Old 09-10-2017, 09:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Mclassy13 View Post
So my AH is two meetings into AA and since he has stopped drinking he is soooo quiet. We could sit together for an hour and he says nothing. Only short answers to my questions. He seems chatty via text when at work but he is a different person in person.
I ask if he is upset, mad or anything at me and he says no. But since our friends and family held an intervention he is chummy with them and again, nothing to me.
Our relationship has been on the outs for years now and the last one I've been walking around in limbo. When he was drinking I would get the, I'm happy we are out, kisses and hugs but I don't think the actual I love you kind.
I don't want to push or pry because I don't want him to run back to the bottle or pills. Any advice?? Or insight to what is going on with him?
Use this time to focus on you - go to Al anon meetings, of course blog on SR and just try the much spruiked day at a time. These are things you can control - focus on your own happiness and well being. "Limbo" land is tough but use your head, heart and guts to guide you

Take care
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Old 09-10-2017, 09:40 PM
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Sounds par for the course.

Recovery is about changing our thinking - that tends to mean that life requires extra mental effort for a while - and it is exausting.

I would try not to take it personally - it's one thing being chummy and putting on an act of jovial hospitality or jolliness for an hour or so but that doesn't mean it can be maintained full time.

I would hazard a guess that he is not really 'fine' but means 'I will be okay in the end, don't worry'. My head was like a washing machine on spin cycle when I first got to AA at a month sober. Plus emotionally I was a wreck because I'd lost alcohol but not yet learned the tools of AA / recovery - that takes time. And I wasn't really up to explaining any of how I was feeling becauase it was new and scary.

As someone else suggested, perhaps for now you could focus on yourself. Get out and about and see friends. Get to AlAnon. If he wants quiet (it can feel a little like being a convelescent I think) why not just let him have it and go have some overdue fun?

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