Married 10 years to an AH
 

Hello. I'm new here.
I've been married to an AH for 10 years. We have 2 kids together - 6 year old and 16 months
I never knew how much he drank until we got married. When we were dating he was Mr. Wonderful. Always taking me out, bringing me gifts and he would have a glass of wine with dinner or a couple of beers when we would hang out.
If I could turn back time, and knew how much he drank, I wouldn't have married him.
I don't have love or respect for him anymore. I'm just here because I'm not financially ready to leave.
Whenever I would try to discuss issues we have as a couple, it's always my fault, I make things worse, I'm immature, and there's something wrong with me. He's also addicted to sex and when I would say no, he would make me feel horrible and guilty for refusing. So, I would just lay there and pretend I'm enjoying myself. I hate empty drunk sex.
I'm 36 years old and I feel like I'm wasting away my life. I just try my best to be a good mother to our kids.

Welcome. I am also a 36 year old woman and I am currently in the process of divorcing my AH of 5 years (tomorrow) with a 20 month old.

I am so sorry for what you are experiencing. I hope you find comfort knowing you're not alone.

I do recommend that you if you are serious about leaving that you do consult an attorney alone, privately. Also, document everything! Keep a journal, take photos, videos, whatever you might need to help protect your children if(when) he fights for custody .

Staying married to an alcoholic is extremely hard and painful and divorcing an alcoholic can be even worse. Just remember to take care of yourself and those children, first and foremost. I listened to empty promises for a very long time wishing them to be what I wanted them to be. Also, remember, you're ONLY 36! :)

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your children all the best.

Sorry you are in this situation. What helped me was attending Al-anon. I learnt to detach from my AH and focus on myself and me getting well and having a healthier outlook.

Best wishes to you.

soexhausted....are you working at a paying job?
Do you know of how to get financial assistance?

Here is a link that might be of help to you. It is informational, in nature and is arranged by state....

Divorce Advice, Laws, and Information from WomansDivorce.com

Here is an other link to our "library" of wonderful articles about alcoholism and the effect it has on the loved ones. I hope you will look them over and read the ones that appeal to you....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html