Feeling totaly helpless!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
Feeling totaly helpless!!!
Hi i am new to this forum chat however i am at my wits end and feeling totaly helpless and dont know where else to turn.
My mum is an alcoholic she has been for about 10 years however the last 2 years has really spiralled out of control. She drinks (of what she is telling us) a btl of vodka a day however i thibk it is more.
She had done home detox in march this year however on the last day she was drinking again. She has since stopped going to coubselling and refuses to go back.
She is lying to everyone, hiding vodka all over her house even in glasses that my children have on a couple of times attempted to drink out of as she disguises it as juice.
She has fainted blacked out fell over and burst her face open and she is still in denial that her drinking is killing her.
I have tried to talk to gp about getting my mum put into rehab as the envirobment is a big factor in her drinking my mum and dad are not on same page he lets her drink he almost encourages it as he drinks heavily too and my mum has isolated herself from everyone which i think my dad likes.
I really dont know what to do myself and my brother are worried sick that the next time our fone goes it will be the news we all dread every day! She also may have liver disease but is keeping it secret however she is showing symptoms of it.
I am worried sick about her but also want to shake her to knock some sense into her as my old mum was the most amazing caring thoughtful woman ever.
Please help me with some advice.
Thanku.
Karen.
My mum is an alcoholic she has been for about 10 years however the last 2 years has really spiralled out of control. She drinks (of what she is telling us) a btl of vodka a day however i thibk it is more.
She had done home detox in march this year however on the last day she was drinking again. She has since stopped going to coubselling and refuses to go back.
She is lying to everyone, hiding vodka all over her house even in glasses that my children have on a couple of times attempted to drink out of as she disguises it as juice.
She has fainted blacked out fell over and burst her face open and she is still in denial that her drinking is killing her.
I have tried to talk to gp about getting my mum put into rehab as the envirobment is a big factor in her drinking my mum and dad are not on same page he lets her drink he almost encourages it as he drinks heavily too and my mum has isolated herself from everyone which i think my dad likes.
I really dont know what to do myself and my brother are worried sick that the next time our fone goes it will be the news we all dread every day! She also may have liver disease but is keeping it secret however she is showing symptoms of it.
I am worried sick about her but also want to shake her to knock some sense into her as my old mum was the most amazing caring thoughtful woman ever.
Please help me with some advice.
Thanku.
Karen.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, Kburgoyne. I'm sorry for the situation that brings you here. It doesn't sound like she's ready to quit drinking, and it certainly sounds like your dad has problems of his own in addition to enabling her.
Hope you can take some time to read around this forum and learn about alcoholism as well as what you can and can't do about someone else's drinking. There are many threads that will likely be useful to you in the main part of the F&F forum, but make sure not to miss the "stickies", too. Here's a link to those, if you haven't found them on your own: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...find-them.html
Here are links to 2 other sections of the forum you might find helpful:
Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics (Parents, Sons and Daughters, Siblings) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
For me, Alanon was an important resource, too, and great for f2f support. I'd strongly suggest checking into it for yourself. It might take a couple of tries to find a meeting that feels really "right" to you, but it's worth it.
Again, sorry you needed to go looking for this kind of help, but glad you found us here at SR. Keep reading and posting--you are not alone in dealing with this.
Hope you can take some time to read around this forum and learn about alcoholism as well as what you can and can't do about someone else's drinking. There are many threads that will likely be useful to you in the main part of the F&F forum, but make sure not to miss the "stickies", too. Here's a link to those, if you haven't found them on your own: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...find-them.html
Here are links to 2 other sections of the forum you might find helpful:
Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics (Parents, Sons and Daughters, Siblings) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
For me, Alanon was an important resource, too, and great for f2f support. I'd strongly suggest checking into it for yourself. It might take a couple of tries to find a meeting that feels really "right" to you, but it's worth it.
Again, sorry you needed to go looking for this kind of help, but glad you found us here at SR. Keep reading and posting--you are not alone in dealing with this.
Ca**ie
Join Date: May 2015
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 87
Hi Karen,
And welcome. You are in the right place. Ditto to everything "honeypig" said. It gets easier with realizing almost everyone is going to understand your story and your experience. Spend a lot of time reading "the stickies" and read everyone else's experiences. It becomes less scary when you realize thousands come before you and there is some solid advice out there.
Hugs to you
Carrie
And welcome. You are in the right place. Ditto to everything "honeypig" said. It gets easier with realizing almost everyone is going to understand your story and your experience. Spend a lot of time reading "the stickies" and read everyone else's experiences. It becomes less scary when you realize thousands come before you and there is some solid advice out there.
Hugs to you
Carrie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
Thankyou for your replies and links to read up on. Sorry i should have mentioned i live in uk i dont know whether the al-anon meetings are available in the uk? I will have a research for meetings in my area as i think they would be highly beneficial for me.
Thankyou
Karen x
Thankyou
Karen x
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello, I just want to welcome you here to SR! Keep posting and reading, there is lots of good support here from people who really do understand. I believe there are online Alanon meetings you may check into that if they are not available for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Kburgoyne, Alanon is worldwide, not just in the US. Here is the link to the UK web site, if you haven't already found it: Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics
As Hopeful says, there are online and telephone meetings as well as email circles, etc. However, I went to Alanon specifically for the f2f support, so for me, the whole point was to go in person, not online. If you can find something in the real world that is doable, I would recommend doing Alanon that way. If not (nearest meeting is 2 hours away or the like), then clearly one of the other options will be your only choice.
In the meantime, it can be helpful to read Alanon literature, too--kind of helps to "get a leg up" when you do go to a meeting. Some libraries in the US have some Alanon reading, and Amazon here has tons of used Alanon books for very reasonable prices. Not sure what the situation will be in the UK, but if you get a chance, you might want to check. My suggestion for starter books would be "How Alanon Works" and/or "Pathways to Recovery."
As Hopeful says, there are online and telephone meetings as well as email circles, etc. However, I went to Alanon specifically for the f2f support, so for me, the whole point was to go in person, not online. If you can find something in the real world that is doable, I would recommend doing Alanon that way. If not (nearest meeting is 2 hours away or the like), then clearly one of the other options will be your only choice.
In the meantime, it can be helpful to read Alanon literature, too--kind of helps to "get a leg up" when you do go to a meeting. Some libraries in the US have some Alanon reading, and Amazon here has tons of used Alanon books for very reasonable prices. Not sure what the situation will be in the UK, but if you get a chance, you might want to check. My suggestion for starter books would be "How Alanon Works" and/or "Pathways to Recovery."
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