paragonlost

Jalacola,

thanks for your response. I wasn't at all offended by the post, I was glad for the honesty. I do know I need to stop, its just a matter of actaully being able to. Hopefully I'm at the point where I can honestly try before things get worse

splendra

pl-

I hope you can too. I hope you will give AA another try with the idea that you want the help. If a person goes to AA thinking that they do not need help then they won't get it. Attitude is everything.....

paragonlost

So after a few days of thinking I reached a conclusion, I dont care anymore. if I stop drinking I stop if I don't I don't. I feel awful if I don't have the alcohol to calm me down. I guess if that makes me a loser than so be it

I would like to say thanks though for the advice and input it was appreciated

jalacola

Paragon...just out of curiosity, what was it that led you to the conclusion not to care?

paragonlost

I guess I would have to say the co-dependent part of me, that friend I mentioned, I relay on her a lot and lately i feel more like a bother so hence the need to stop drinking is gone.............. i'll just go back to the drunk no one needs to care about or worry about, it will be less trouble for them anyhow

JessicaNAJ

PL - Everyone is able to control everything they do. Its a matter if you want to and then you get the tools to help you.

You say, that you'll go back to the drunk no one needs to care about or worry about, it will be less trouble for them anyhow. Take it from someone who is married to an A, it hurts so much when we see the person we love turning into drunken, irresponsible mess.

A's can't see past the bottle. They can't see those they hurt. Its a one tracked mind.

Don't loose hope, you are worth soooo much more.

redrose

paragon- i just broke up with my alcoholic/drug addict bf of four years. let me tell u something: alcohol is so good because it numbs you and you can't feel anything real, and with time that thick line between reality and your feeling of numbness becomes so thin that you can't tell what is real anymore. and that's not fun. If your friend is trying to help you, just know you have found someone very special that can see u beyond your problem, she can see the real you and she wants to bring the real you out there. It's your choice to admit that alcohol changes the real you or continue to be what alcohol will change you to. just know that the real you has more to offer than you think.

best

You should read some on the Friends and family board.
No one needs worry but we do. My own family can tell me go away and don't worry about them but I still would worry.
Friends and family will worry even when there isn't anything to worry about.
Human nature and our love for others has us do that. Your own concern for your friend is a sign of that same love. Add to that the stories we read and hear about of people who alcohol has taken control of their life. Now what was nothing can become a huge worry. When people love you they worry.
So what you think would be less worry would become bigger worry for sure.
Alcohol doesn't make a person less of a man but it does make the man less in control so many times. Under every drunk is a human being that can't be seen because of the alcohol. Take away the alcohol and the human being can start to grow again.
I am sure you will find your answers. As hard headed as I am...even I was able to find my answers. Keep looking and the answers will come to you.

SJW

Just know that whatever you do, you are making a choice. You are choosing to drink. Our choices bring consequences. There are some pretty ugly consequences for people who continue to choose to drink. Unfortunately, alcoholics are not the only ones who suffer for the drinking. Step up and take the responsibility for your own actions. If people don't feel as sorry for you as you do for yourself, well, that's just one of the consequences.

Going to 2 or 3 AA meetings with an open mind is not going to take care of your problem. But that's completely up to you. Just don't be surprised when the people around you drop by the way side. Eventually, people get really tired of putting up with your behavior. That's their choice, and one you can prevent if you want to bad enough.

SJW

paragonlost

I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I just don't want to hurt them. If I detach myself from them then they won't be dispointed everytime I can't stop the urge from having just one drink. The AA meetings, I went with an open mind and once I was tehre all I could think of was what a loser I was being there, thus in the end it didn't help. I hate the fact that my drinking may hurt others, yet I guess its still not enough to make me stop.

minnie

paragonlost

There is a reason why you have found these boards and why you are still posting.

What might it be, do you think?

Dust Bunny

Parragon, no one here thinks you are a loser. No one here thinks your life is worth throwing away. Your friend certainly doesn't or she wouldn't bother.

My husband used the same arguements that you do. He liked the taste. I also like ice cream. I LUURRRRVVVVV Ice cream. But I know that if I eat a half gallon of ice cream a day that I will blow up like a balloon and develope all sorts of health problems. So I try to find another way to deal with my problems.

My AH also didn't want to go to AA and tell people his problems. Easier to hide from them if no one else knows your story. Are you familiar with the New Testement of The Bible? I reminded him of the story of St. Peter. Jesus knew that St. Peter would deny being an Apostle and told him as much. Jesus knew this was going to happen and still forgave him ... still wanted him to lead the church. Can you imagine the shame and heart break Peter must have felt after he realized what he had done? It's a wonderful story of forgiveness and yet we may not have this story if Peter hadn't told his fellow Apostles about it. He didn't have to tell anyone. If he hadn't said anything, no one might never have known and we certainly wouldn't be reading about it 2000 years later. If Peter hadn't spoken about his transgression he might not have recieved the comfort and assurance from his fellow Apostles. I can imagine them saying "I was scared too", "I might have done the same thing", or "I DID do the same thing". They may have been deprived of the knowledge the Jesus knew the trials they would face and that he could forgive their miststeps.

I know that Al-Anon is a nondenominational organization. Hope my use of the Bible story didn't upset anyone. It's the only story I know of that could reflect the point I wanted to make.

Parragon, it is your life. Your friend will be there if and when you decide to turn that corner. So many other wonderful things are waiting for you as well. The choice is yours. Don't do it for me or your friend or for anyone else. Do it for YOU!

osier59

Good morning PL,
Something in one of your posts here really caught my eye.
I took that very same approach to Al Anon a number of years back. A counselor told me that it would help me greatly, although at that time I didnt know WHO or WHERE the A was in my life...

I went to meetings, i read the books, I shared once in awhile, and I made a call or 2 when I needed someone to talk to. I put a little bit into my own recovery, and all I got was a little bit out of it. Eventually the meetings weren't at a convenient time for me and I quit going altogether.

But ... the seed was planted.

2 years lately when the bottom fell out of my life, when the A AND my life were hurtling out of control, when my kids and I lived in uncertainty and fear... when I couldnt' stop crying.... at least I knew to go. I crawled into an Al Anon meeting, and for the next month all I did was cry when I sat there. I couldnt' open my mouth. I just cried. The people there hugged me, and invited me to keep coming back.

I made a conscious decision, a commitment to changing my life. I got a sponsor, I worked the steps, I read, I journaled. I'm not saying I did it "right" or perfectly, but I had hit my personal bottom and I knew the ONLY way out was by working a program of recovery and making changes in my life.

I have learned so much about people, life, myself. And I thank GOD every day for a program of recovery, because it saved my life. NO doubt about it.

PL, nothing changes if nothing changes. I guess when it's your time, you'll know it. And the tools are there, they are FREE and they are yours for the asking.

Hugs and love
Barb

paragonlost

The reason???? I want to get better, I want to stop drinking I just get frustrated and at times it seem like it wold be easier to give in and not try. It makes sense that the steps need to be worked but at the same time it angers me to have others think I have not tried when inr eality I may not have, I'm not sure. Maybe I just need to find another alternative to AA. Maybe I need to just try AA again. All I know is I'm not happy with turning to the alcohol for a release, but at the same time its pretty much the only way I can cope. And that frustrates me, I know better so I shouldn't be doing something so dumb. I guess maybe I am hoping the light will click on and stay on and I will find something that works, work at it and in the end get better

paragonlost

I just wanted to say once again thanks for all of your thoughts and comments. they have really given me a lot to think about and allowed me to see another side of the issue I am tryign to deal with

SJW

Keep trying AA, Paragon. Practice makes perfect - or as perfect as any of us can be. Pray to God for the strength to do what you know you have to do, for what you say you want to do. We don't have to do anything alone when we have God in our lives.

SJW