Westexy's Update - I'm Divorced
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
Westexy's Update - I'm Divorced
Hi Everyone - I just wanted to give an update since I haven't taken the time to post lately. I've still been reading when I can, but most of the time I haven't even been logging in.
The punchline is that I'm officially divorced as of a week ago Thursday. Getting to that finish line was unnecessarily stressful and expensive thanks to both my overcommitted attorney and my XAH; however, it is done!
In my state you have to appear in court and everyone warned me that no matter what, I would cry. Well, I didn't - not before, not during and not after. I'm not saying that's a good thing. As a matter of fact it kind of scares me. Occasionally I wonder if I'm just all cried out right now and if some kind of grief hammer is going to fall on me when I'm not expecting it.
Dealing with the XAH is easier than it used to be but still not predictable. Wrapping things up requires communication and if I happen to text him when he's drinking, it usually results in a rude or insulting reply from him, but it's still nothing like it was. He has been able to be sober with our child and that is good for the child. The other day when he dropped the child off at home, XAH and I were able to have a civil discussion about not only taxes, but also refinancing and dividing up the household contents. He was SO sober. When that happens, I get sad.
I feel like I'll never be able to trust anyone again and have a romantic relationship. I honestly can't imagine it, but I'll go to counseling and hopefully that will help.
I want to thank all of you for your advice and guidance over the past year. I wouldn't be at this point without this group. It helped me change my life and my child's life for the better. Love to you all. And for those of you still in the middle of it all, I wish you peace. You will find it one day. You CAN find it. It will be so hard but it will be worth it.
The punchline is that I'm officially divorced as of a week ago Thursday. Getting to that finish line was unnecessarily stressful and expensive thanks to both my overcommitted attorney and my XAH; however, it is done!
In my state you have to appear in court and everyone warned me that no matter what, I would cry. Well, I didn't - not before, not during and not after. I'm not saying that's a good thing. As a matter of fact it kind of scares me. Occasionally I wonder if I'm just all cried out right now and if some kind of grief hammer is going to fall on me when I'm not expecting it.
Dealing with the XAH is easier than it used to be but still not predictable. Wrapping things up requires communication and if I happen to text him when he's drinking, it usually results in a rude or insulting reply from him, but it's still nothing like it was. He has been able to be sober with our child and that is good for the child. The other day when he dropped the child off at home, XAH and I were able to have a civil discussion about not only taxes, but also refinancing and dividing up the household contents. He was SO sober. When that happens, I get sad.
I feel like I'll never be able to trust anyone again and have a romantic relationship. I honestly can't imagine it, but I'll go to counseling and hopefully that will help.
I want to thank all of you for your advice and guidance over the past year. I wouldn't be at this point without this group. It helped me change my life and my child's life for the better. Love to you all. And for those of you still in the middle of it all, I wish you peace. You will find it one day. You CAN find it. It will be so hard but it will be worth it.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
― E.L. Doctorow,
The quote is about writing, but I strongly believe it applies to recovery, and to life in general, as well.
Take a breather, let the dust settle, recharge your batteries--when you feel an itch to move ahead again, you'll know it's time to do so. In the meantime, make sure you allow yourself enough time and space to do that odd combination of rejoicing/grieving that comes in the wake of a divorce.
(((hugs)))
― E.L. Doctorow,
The quote is about writing, but I strongly believe it applies to recovery, and to life in general, as well.
Take a breather, let the dust settle, recharge your batteries--when you feel an itch to move ahead again, you'll know it's time to do so. In the meantime, make sure you allow yourself enough time and space to do that odd combination of rejoicing/grieving that comes in the wake of a divorce.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
Westexy - Congratulations!
Got any advice for those of us working through the long painful divorce experience? I am 11 months in and it doesn't look like it will be over any time soon...I also have a young child too...whatever advice you can give, I'd appreciate.
Got any advice for those of us working through the long painful divorce experience? I am 11 months in and it doesn't look like it will be over any time soon...I also have a young child too...whatever advice you can give, I'd appreciate.
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