What Was Your Moment?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 190
What Was Your Moment?
For those of you who aren't aware of my story, I was in a relationship with my AXBF for ten years. We welcomed our daughter into the world nearly five months ago, and only five weeks after she was born, I finally became enough of a "mamma bear" to tell him to get the hell out of our house--and possibly our lives.
First, I filed a restraining order because he threatened to abduct our daughter and trespassed on my property when I wasn't home. The restraining order was granted for an entire year. Then, we went to mediation. The mediator gave the most amazing recommendation: sole physical and legal custody for me and supervised visits one day a week with mandatory mental health counseling and a 90-day drug treatment program for him. I couldn't believe my luck. Everyone says "there is no justice in the justice system." I am living proof that there is!
Today was my second hearing, the judge's turn to make a ruling based on the mediator's recommendation. I knew, I just knew AXBF would not agree with the mediator's recommendation. I knew, I just knew he would force us to go to trial, wasting my time and money.
And then a miracle happened...
He showed up clearly flustered and without a copy of the mediator's report. I don't think he even bothered to read it! (It never ceases to amaze me how bad alcoholics can be at life.) He didn't want to seem unprepared and risk alienating the judge, or at least I assume this was his motivation, so he lied about having a copy of the report. When the judge asked what he wanted, he tried to argue against the restraining order. The judge reminded him this was a custody hearing and asked again if he agreed with the recommendation.
He said yes. He said YES!
The look on the judge's face was priceless. He paused for a few seconds, probably just as bemused as I was about AXBF's sudden complicity, and then kind of sighed as he said, "Okay. I'll make it a court order." I think the judge knew AXBF didn't really understand what was happening or what he was agreeing to, but I guess the judge figured he wasn't going to waste any more of his time.
I am so relieved. I have successfully protected my daughter and myself from a very selfish, unpredictable, abusive, toxic person. I finally feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I really hope there are some folks out there in similar situations that find inspiration and hope in my story. And for the rest of you who have been there, done that, what was your light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel moment?
First, I filed a restraining order because he threatened to abduct our daughter and trespassed on my property when I wasn't home. The restraining order was granted for an entire year. Then, we went to mediation. The mediator gave the most amazing recommendation: sole physical and legal custody for me and supervised visits one day a week with mandatory mental health counseling and a 90-day drug treatment program for him. I couldn't believe my luck. Everyone says "there is no justice in the justice system." I am living proof that there is!
Today was my second hearing, the judge's turn to make a ruling based on the mediator's recommendation. I knew, I just knew AXBF would not agree with the mediator's recommendation. I knew, I just knew he would force us to go to trial, wasting my time and money.
And then a miracle happened...
He showed up clearly flustered and without a copy of the mediator's report. I don't think he even bothered to read it! (It never ceases to amaze me how bad alcoholics can be at life.) He didn't want to seem unprepared and risk alienating the judge, or at least I assume this was his motivation, so he lied about having a copy of the report. When the judge asked what he wanted, he tried to argue against the restraining order. The judge reminded him this was a custody hearing and asked again if he agreed with the recommendation.
He said yes. He said YES!
The look on the judge's face was priceless. He paused for a few seconds, probably just as bemused as I was about AXBF's sudden complicity, and then kind of sighed as he said, "Okay. I'll make it a court order." I think the judge knew AXBF didn't really understand what was happening or what he was agreeing to, but I guess the judge figured he wasn't going to waste any more of his time.
I am so relieved. I have successfully protected my daughter and myself from a very selfish, unpredictable, abusive, toxic person. I finally feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I really hope there are some folks out there in similar situations that find inspiration and hope in my story. And for the rest of you who have been there, done that, what was your light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel moment?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
OMG, I am so, SO happy and relieved for you! This is absolutely awesome news!!
You have really done your footwork and taken action to protect yourself and your daughter, and I'm so happy that the system worked for you the way it is supposed to. Good job!!!
You have really done your footwork and taken action to protect yourself and your daughter, and I'm so happy that the system worked for you the way it is supposed to. Good job!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
That is absolutely awesome news SaveHer! I'm so happy for you & your daughter. You've truly dodged a bullet here ... hell, you've dodged a whole WAR!
I hope you make every post a winner from here on in & never, ever look back.
Very best wishes to you both for a wonderful life
I hope you make every post a winner from here on in & never, ever look back.
Very best wishes to you both for a wonderful life
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 284
WOW! This is a fantastic story....I'm, unfortunately, moving through the slow wheels of justice to protect my young child but I cannot complain too much as I pretty much have full physical custody and my STBXAH can only spend time with our child during the day while monitored by Soberlink.
My moment was when my child was 7 weeks old and I had to lock us both and our dog in a room to escape a drunken rage. While that experience lead to rehab and a few months of sobriety for him before a relapse that again threatened my son's safety, that was the moment I knew. It was the incident with the relapse that called me to action.
My moment was when my child was 7 weeks old and I had to lock us both and our dog in a room to escape a drunken rage. While that experience lead to rehab and a few months of sobriety for him before a relapse that again threatened my son's safety, that was the moment I knew. It was the incident with the relapse that called me to action.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
so glad thinks went so well for you - what a blessing
prayers & good thoughts that the remainder of the process goes smoothly
For me, I had been ready to leave my exah for almost a year, but I truly know my HP said wait; so I did - I waited, worked on my own recovery and boundaries until one afternoon in November a few days before we were suppose to have a bday party for our granddaughter at our house, I found pills on the floor. I picked them up & prayed to my HP saying "my sweet grandbabies should not be exposed to this" and in my soul I heard the message "and neither should you"
I moved out one week later & never looked back.
that was November 2008 and I am eternally grateful for the life I have today.
don't give up before the miracles happen in you - you deserve them
prayers & good thoughts that the remainder of the process goes smoothly
For me, I had been ready to leave my exah for almost a year, but I truly know my HP said wait; so I did - I waited, worked on my own recovery and boundaries until one afternoon in November a few days before we were suppose to have a bday party for our granddaughter at our house, I found pills on the floor. I picked them up & prayed to my HP saying "my sweet grandbabies should not be exposed to this" and in my soul I heard the message "and neither should you"
I moved out one week later & never looked back.
that was November 2008 and I am eternally grateful for the life I have today.
don't give up before the miracles happen in you - you deserve them
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