Am I doing the right thing?
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 12
Am I doing the right thing?
I have been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for 20 years. The past 4 have been the worst. He was fired for drinking on the job and was not able to collect unemployment, he has beginning signs of cirrhosis (after ignoring 15 years of positive fatty liver results), his car is all banged up and his car insurance is up to 3000 a year. Amongst other things that have resulted from drinking. Our marriage is a disaster and most of these things listed are from alcohol. He says my love is so conditional. I can't have a conversation with him because he is very negative and gets argumentative, therefore it's only small talk when he's drinking. I love him so much but I can't be around him when he's intoxicated and it infuriates him. Am I doing the wrong thing by staying away from him?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
My stepson is very negative. He says things like "Everyone says they want to help me but no one will *do* anything."
The problem is that he sees help as the family paying for his everything (place to live, food, clothes, car, phone) and not ever talking to him about how much his drinking and drug use has affected his family over the years. Addict logic is non-existent. I have found over the years to not take whatever he says seriously because his view of the world is filtered through his disease.
Fortunately, my late husband asked him to leave the house before we were ever married, so I have not had to deal with daily face-to-face drunk or jonesing or speeding conversations and drama.
I won't tell you what to do, but I found SR to be a great help in learning about addiction and how to cope whether or not my addictive loved ones are actively pursuing their drug of choice.
Welcome!
The problem is that he sees help as the family paying for his everything (place to live, food, clothes, car, phone) and not ever talking to him about how much his drinking and drug use has affected his family over the years. Addict logic is non-existent. I have found over the years to not take whatever he says seriously because his view of the world is filtered through his disease.
Fortunately, my late husband asked him to leave the house before we were ever married, so I have not had to deal with daily face-to-face drunk or jonesing or speeding conversations and drama.
I won't tell you what to do, but I found SR to be a great help in learning about addiction and how to cope whether or not my addictive loved ones are actively pursuing their drug of choice.
Welcome!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I don't think there's such a thing as unconditional love among couples, and if you did still love him that way you'd be in serious denial.
You must do what's necessary to look after yourself, because looking after him is not doing him any favours.
You must do what's necessary to look after yourself, because looking after him is not doing him any favours.
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