Ladybird579

But after 6 plus years to just quiet, its weird.
Thoughts?

My exah and I split after 20 years and he has hardly spoken to me since. It's like I didn't exist anymore. He doesn't contact his children either. He just moved on straightaway to the next available person to enable him.
We went through a phase of ringing hospitals and sending police for safe and well checks but now I hardly remember he exists either cos our lives are happy and peaceful and he doesn't come into the equation anymore.

It did shock me tho when I realised how little we meant to him. I was just a convenient billet ..a supplier of his booze and a warm house when he felt like coming home. I now know it's just how they are in active alcoholism. It's all about the next drink and the best way to get it. They aren't capable of true love cos they don't even love themselves.

Enjoy the peace, focus on yourself and life will get much better for you as it has for me.

TLC

Thank you Ladybird.
It helps to know this is to be expected. It is hard to realize how little I meant to him after all I 'hung in there" for "us". He used to say that "hang in there with me". To now feel it was a con, a story, "what you say to get your way", just to maintain the "fix", its been hard to accept. My mistake was allowing his choices/behavior (in part) define my worth.. They were his poor choices and I am worth so much more than that.
Thank you for sharing your story and I"m sorry for what you went through but glad to hear you found peace. That's hopeful.
Today I have been thinking about how he seems so weak. How with anything difficult ( or good for that matter) in his life he needed to numb out. How when there were times I needed him to be there for him, he blamed me for making his day bad etc... So, now my focus is trying to connect with my needs and what I need to do to make each day better. I'll keep trying. Thank you

dandylion

lTLC...A story: At one time, I worked in a woman's hospital...so, naturally, there were a lot of deliveries. This is a time, when a woman really could use a partner at her side.
So many times, the partner would not show up for the delivery---or show up in various stages of drunkedness. Sometimes very deplorable behavior...and have tp be asked to leave...sometimes with security escort. LOL...there was more security assigned for the delivery floor than any other floor of the whole hospital!
I felt so sorry for the women...as one could see their embarrassment and/or upset. Sometimes going into the delivery room in tears...not from pain of childbirth--but, the pain of having an alcoholic partner...I could only imagine how bad the postpartum period would be for them, when they got home....

An alcoholic is usually g uranteed to fly the coup when their support person is really in need of them. Guranteed to suck the joy out of every special occasion....
The relationship responsibilities, for a practicing alcoholic, is just too much for them to be able to handle......

TLC

Thanks Dandylion, You tell stories that resonate on so many levels, appreciated. Thinking of those women and their heartache at such a time is very sad. But really brings the reality of their disease/state of mind home and speaks to their inability for responsibility let along relationship responsibility.
Thanks again,

TLC

Thanks Sylvie for pointing out that slip of the tongue and yes, oh so telling isn't it.

thank you for your kind and supportive words.

TLC