CelticZebra

Several things I noticed: drinking is part of his working world, he drinks like a fish.
Sounds like his job is not compatible with your lifestyle and however politely you turn down a fishy drinker they are likely to feel put out that yet another date didn't end in the bedroom.
Rejection, denial, issues.... Good escape!

atalose

And in that process you were the one who got her feelings hurt.

And so, what lesson are you learning from those experiences?

For your own sake? Why did you feel for your own sake you NEEDED to indicate YOUR deal breaker to someone who have only had a few encounters with?

Would it not have been better to just not have any further encounters?

AnvilheadII

so how do you work on getting a backbone other than practicing on turning down alcoholics on dates??

the other day there was a post here about words to STOP using that are too indirect, or passive, filler words. sorry, i have a lousy short term memory, so i'll go do a search and see if i can find it. but i think it speaks a bit to your question above.......

ha, found it!!! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

Mango blast

To the alcoholic in my life, who I love...

Lucky for you, that's what I like...

Being second to alcohol...

Being lied to...

Spending time with you while you're zoned out, checked out and may not remember this later...



....oh, wait...

No... I don't like those things at all....

LLLisa

I've typed out a reply to this a couple of times and then deleted it. Which was good because after thinking about it for a couple of days my response is better.

No. I don't think you were being too vague. And, even if you were and offended this man, well...meh?

I think this is an issue where overthinking it is a waste of time. You offended someone. It happens. He is probably a bit of a d^$^head.

Now run!

honeypig

But you know, LLLisa, I think this thread is important in that at least some of us, myself certainly included, absolutely DO (or DID) worry about stuff like this. The thread speaks to the degree to which we really do feel responsible for other people's emotions and responses, and just how ingrained that responsibility is.

Granted, not all of us here have this particular problem, but prsm and I are not the only ones who suffer from it...for me, each day I work my balancing act of not veering too far to the "in your face" side while not sliding down the slippery slope of people-pleasing. I'm grateful to be aware of the problem, and I'm grateful to have some tools to work with it, but it ain't easy to uproot well over 50 years' worth of dysfunction!

What is it they say? Oh, yeah, "one day at a time..."

LLLisa

Yep I know! That's why I had two responses but I liked the one I ended up posting better that my codie one. My codie response was almost impulsive.

I am learning that when it comes to overthinking situations, sometimes you just gotta say "F!@k it!". Not all the time, life is of course sometimes very serious. However, consciously choosing not to stress and not to overthink but just enjoy and give yourself a break is an awesome feeling.

nez

To be anything less than this is irresponsible behavior the way I look at it. Goodatcha honeypig!

A cliche that I hear quite often when someone shares a message with me, that upsets me, is"well, that is your baggage".

Honesty without compassion is brutality.

We are not required to share our "honesty" in it's entirety with other people. If my honesty is told, only in order to make myself feel better, am I being honest to my spirituality, principals, and philosophies?