Blondie

I know that alcoholics tend to blame their drinking on other people (especially the spouse), but do you find that they blame you for everything else wrong in their life? If they can't blame you do they blame the people at work or their parents, etc for EVERYTHING?

Example: My AH blames me because he is overweight. He says I make to much pasta, rice, or bread items. Yet I keep healthy food in the house, but he always opts to eat the kid's cookies, ice cream sandwiches, or potato chips. The kids don't eat a lot of junk food and if my husband doesn't find their treats the food items will last two to three weeks. But once my husband finds the junk food, it dissappears. And if he can't find it in the house, he goes on a shopping spree and buys bags and bags of junk food (which is consumed 98% by him within three days). Yet he blames me! I actually used to believe that it was part of my fault, but it is obvious it is not (as a co-dependent we take the blame for things that are not our control). I've lost 15 pounds since Sept through healthy eating and exercise, but he refuses to eat healthy and continues to blame me. His response to my weight loss? He waves hot dogs, donuts, and cookies in my face, literally. I just detach and walk away from this childish behavior.

So, does the alcoholic in your life blame you for things that are just not in your control or is not yours or anyone elses responsibility--just the alcoholics?

Gracey

They have to blame us for everything, for if they didnt they would have to take responsibility for there actions.......so to make themselves feel better......about themselves they play games in there heads and I believe they find anyway out they can.......It's a bosses fault.....it's a co-worker.......he just hates his job because everyone there are losers.......or it's my fault, or the kids fault.....or he didnt get enough sleep......or he is hungry.......

My husband blames me for everything.......see he wouldnt be at that job anymore if it wasnt for health insurance......so him being there is my fault.......

ITS NOT OUR FAULT

JessicaNAJ

My AH doesn't directly tell me that what is wrong is my fault, he goes back to something I did that bothered him and uses that as his excuse instead of what the current issue is.

I agree with Gracey - it's so much easier to put the blame on someone else rather than taking responsibility their actions.

Peaches04

Blondie, yes, yes, and YES!! That's what they do! With my AH it's always somebody elses fault...it's his boss, the guy he works with, the cigarette manufacturers...you name it! And yes, the food too! The funniest thing that ever happened was a few days ago we went out to eat with our 2 kids and my husband ordered a big hamburger and fries. He ate it and afterwards he made some comment about being full and getting bigger and he said something like "YOU made me come here and eat this big burger"...and I swear to you....my 5 YEAR old son said "Dad, you chose to get the hamburger, mom didn't make you eat it"... That's my boy!!!

Petunia

Peaches -

That blew me away - isn't it amazing how quickly children can learn, unlearn, and relearn! When you hear the quacking maybe you can draw on this moment as one of beauty and progress so it will remind you that change is possible.

Oh what a great day it is. So much to appreciate with SR and my SR family being several of the items on my list.

Petunia

gelfling

Such a cop-out with them. My grandmother would call him a ninny sucker Her version of a whiner and complainer. No matter what the problem is, they're never in the wrong. Unfortunately, we live with them and they consider us their punching bag when life isn't good to them.

I say congratulations to you for being able to lose weight. I envy you your will power to do it under the current circumstances.

Your husband can't stand the fact that you can do something he can't or doesn't want to do or what he doesn't want you to do. Remember, misery loves company. This is a show of strength on your part and you're basically telling him that you're going to take control of your life. Great message.

You can do the same thing with the rest of your life. Now, if you could please send some of that will power via email to me, I would dearly appreciate it.

Keep up the marvelous work with your health and your program.

Kathy

justired

Oh, yes. My AH blames me and everyone else for his troubles (whether real or imagined). He still blames his parents' divorce when he was 15 for his drinking and drug use and he is 34 - geez, get over it already.

JessicaNAJ

Kids are great...they are untouched by society and the words that come out of their mouths are so pure. Sometimes, my 8 year old gives me the best advise.

cwohio

yep, yep, yep!

peaches - out of the mouths of babes....aren't children just so blatently real!
loved it!

sdg928

YES!!!!!!!! My AH blames me for everything too. I bet he thinks I am even somehow to blame for the depletion of the ozone layer, global warming and pollution. If he can find a way to blame me, he will always do it.

splendra

My H tries to blame me.....but, it has gotten much better since I stood back and refused to take it anymore. His tactics are getting weaker and weaker and my own guilt for his situation has shrunk. He is the same and I am so much better....

nutz

It's my fualt becuase the sky is falling too.

I'm much, much better now...
I don't know if she's an ah, ex,or in service work all what,now.
currently seperate, but she'll still do it if I let her.

I was very, very heartbroken and it still hurts from time to time.
She told me she loves me today even...but on with the chase she goes.
Didn't know she had that much energy running or the time.
Then again...I didn't know I had that much will in me all these years.

Thank god no childred were invloved .
Nice to get to know me for a change.