Mpie9

I feel myself moving on at ~3 months. I just recently started talking to an old friend I went on a date with 10 years ago, and we are talking and hanging out, but he lives 2 hours away. He's been a great distraction at this point. While I have focused on being single and not dating right away, he kind of fell into my lap. C'est la vie. Saw him this weekend and we had a great time. It was like the Universe put him into my life for me to realize that there are compatible guys out there for me with their **it together, even if it doesn't work out. Any thoughts on this? My therapist and friends seem to think it's great. I'm taking it slow and we are just dating and talking. I can't really see him that often due to distance. I tend to overthink things and originally thought I needed to build this wall between me and men and not date for a while given my codependent tendencies. It's also good to get out there and talk to people.

In other news, got a voicemail from my blocked ex today saying he hasn't drank in 30 days and he's doing it for himself, wanting to know if he has changed, would I be willing to give it a chance. He wants me to contact him so he can get closure or give it a try before its too late. He left me a similar voicemail and email a month ago, but I ignored it. If he shows up at my house to talk (I feel like he might do that soon), I'm not sure what to say.

AnvilheadII

well technically is hasn't been THREE months - a month ago you two, um, reconnected.

curious how your ex was able to leave you a voicemail if you have him blocked? did he call from another number? or were your shields down?

i sense you really aren't "over" this last relationship yet in any meaningful way....you sense he MAY show up on your doorstep and you don't have a clear consistent message yet.

dandylion

Mpie9....it ....sounds like you are not ready to tell him that it is over.....would that be accurate?

It pays to be vigilant, because, as soon as your head is turned....herrree comes Co-dependency, wearing a smile and a Sunday dress......

healthyagain

1) Do not listen to voicemails (block yourself from wanting to hear them)
2) Yes, there is a chance that he will show up. As long as they feel that there is some kind of signal from you, they will try to suck you back in. Practice assertiveness (although with some people one no is simply not enough). I assume that you are going to tell him that you are not going to give him another chance?

Sasha1972

It sounds to me like you have two choices if he shows up at your door - either "I am not going to discuss anything with you, I want you to leave now", followed by shutting the door; or "come in, sit down, let's talk". Anything in between is likely to be interpreted as a mixed message and then you'll have more engagement with the ex.

As to whether he's changed - well, he left you a voicemail saying that he would like to talk to you. That's okay. If he's really changed, he won't pester and he won't follow up by appearing on your doorstep. If he does that, I would think that he still has a ways to go.

I think you have more power in this situation than you know - if you don't want your ex in your life right now, you have the power to make that come true. You are driving this particular bus, not him.