Al-anon tips for what to say when on the phone
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I guess you're talking about me, then, and I certainly wasn't "accusing" you--I think we ALL have believed, at least in the beginning, that if we change our behavior, the alcoholic will respond in the way we hope they will. And you kept talking about how you wanted to know what you could say/do that would make them start respecting you. So that's what I was pointing out--that there really isn't anything we can do to make others treat us well. All we can do is to make good boundaries for ourselves and change our behavior--not so someone else will respond the right way, but so WE will respond the right way and take good care of ourselves.
Sorry if you felt "accused"--that certainly wasn't my intention.
Sorry if you felt "accused"--that certainly wasn't my intention.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Pathway-
For some of the people in my life this was a no contact for a long-term basis.
For some it was a no contact for a discreet period of time.
For me they both gave me some distance, which did make me lonely but it allowed me to see some of the bigger picture, and I was able to make more clear decisions of what was good for myself going forward.
It did bring up a lot of hard stuff though.
For me it was a mantra......I had a number of them over the years this one just rang out about your situation.
For some of the people in my life this was a no contact for a long-term basis.
For some it was a no contact for a discreet period of time.
For me they both gave me some distance, which did make me lonely but it allowed me to see some of the bigger picture, and I was able to make more clear decisions of what was good for myself going forward.
It did bring up a lot of hard stuff though.
For me it was a mantra......I had a number of them over the years this one just rang out about your situation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
But then sometimes I think if I could only be stronger and have the right comebacks for they way they treat me and talk to me, then I WOULD finally be able to heal. It's all very confusing. I feel weak for not being able to deal with them, and that going "no contact" with family is a huge cop out.
it's not a cop out to avoid toxic people places and things. it's the WISE thing to do. we don't get points for being able to deal with people who treat us poorly. anymore than we'd get points for intentionally poking a wasp's nest and getting stung a thousand times. and living to tell about it.
yes they are family. but that goes both ways, does it not? many families are dysfunctional, many to a high degree. sometimes the best plan is to not buy a ticket to crazytown.
it's not a cop out to avoid toxic people places and things. it's the WISE thing to do. we don't get points for being able to deal with people who treat us poorly. anymore than we'd get points for intentionally poking a wasp's nest and getting stung a thousand times. and living to tell about it.
yes they are family. but that goes both ways, does it not? many families are dysfunctional, many to a high degree. sometimes the best plan is to not buy a ticket to crazytown.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree 
Sometimes I feel like I would've been better off had I not seen them. But then sometimes I think if I could only be stronger and have the right comebacks for they way they treat me and talk to me, then I WOULD finally be able to heal. It's all very confusing. I feel weak for not being able to deal with them, and that going "no contact" with family is a huge cop out. You know, like someone saying to me, "Shut up and just deal with them".
we grovel before no one and are no ones doormat for their own problems.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
