Ex bf and how I brought this on myself
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Ex bf and how I brought this on myself
My ex boyfriend's back story is on here somewhere. Long story short he was fairly normal ( to me) for 18 months but I always kind of thought the shoe would drop and it did in Europe last May. He became very verbally abusive and shouted at me after he consumed vast amounts of vodka one night. Called me names, swore at me, said I was odd and had issues, was unlovable, put me down..usual stuff I have had before with exah. Then denied it all the next day even in the face of people who'd heard him saying he had. Still denying it tbh cos he kept bringing it up.
I came home, he went to another part of Europe. We had no contact after that but I had booked to go to a sporting event in the UK this weekend. I'd paid for it months ago( back in January) for his birthday. As the tickets to this 5 day event were non refundable ( believe me I tried...I even asked if someone else would take his ticket but noone wanted to go) and very expensive I decided to go and take him his ticket and then we'd go our separate ways to enjoy ourselves. I had friends going too so thought I'd be OK with them but as it turned out they didn't go. He didn't like the idea of a ticket drop then go our separate ways cos he arrived with hardly any money. ( as it turned out but he didn't admit that at first)
I won't bore you all with the details but suffice to say he was "on form" from the minute he saw me. I think he has alcohol issues but by far the worse is his abuse of me and ..well anyone who gets on his bad side. He has outbursts at anyone and everyone over various things. Unfortunately, in many ways, I argue back nowadays. I will not put up with being talked down too and disrespected. I calmly pointed out how he was being. It made the situation very volatile at times and last night I shook him off to go to a concert on the camp by myself. I had a wonderful evening.
I set my boundary ( one more time and I am leaving but didn't tell him that) He's a big man and the one more time came. He started on me today by talking at me in a very slow, loud derogatary voice and then slapping his own head over and over in full view of thousands of people. I got up and left the stadium, walked back to the campsite, collected what I could carry 4 miles to the nearest exit( gutted I had to leave my lovely tent) and got a taxi to the nearest train station home. 5 hours later I am home.
He messaged me to say sorry and asked me where I was. I had a giggle when I told him I was home lol. I realised he was only "sorry" cos I was the only one with any money and then to prove that I was right he left a status on facebook saying he had no money and I'd left him high and dry and kind of making it sound like I'd fleeced him. Talk about entitled. I pay for the tickets and camping as a birthday treat and he clearly expected me to pay for everything else too. I'd actually paid him my share of the expenses for food, drink etc to his account but he'd asked me to send it to his eurocard and he can't use it at the sporting event which was miles from nearest town....not my problem. I blocked and deleted him off everything. Even a game we both played at one time.
My son met me off the train and said he was going to ask me to come home anyways. He was worried cos he said he always seems like he's about to kick off even when he's being nice and there was always tension and drama around him.
Hindsight...I should have gone on my own and not taken the ticket for him. The little time I got alone was the best time I had there. I need to stay NC and not get sucked in cos he is a master of manipulation. eg he stayed with friends who never let him have a door key and locked him into the house at night. To me it was clearly cos they didn't trust him but in his world it was cos they had secrets!
Oh and while I was on the train home I got an email saying I had an offer at a university.
Onwards and upwards. Happy to be home even tho it was an expensive waste of money.
I came home, he went to another part of Europe. We had no contact after that but I had booked to go to a sporting event in the UK this weekend. I'd paid for it months ago( back in January) for his birthday. As the tickets to this 5 day event were non refundable ( believe me I tried...I even asked if someone else would take his ticket but noone wanted to go) and very expensive I decided to go and take him his ticket and then we'd go our separate ways to enjoy ourselves. I had friends going too so thought I'd be OK with them but as it turned out they didn't go. He didn't like the idea of a ticket drop then go our separate ways cos he arrived with hardly any money. ( as it turned out but he didn't admit that at first)
I won't bore you all with the details but suffice to say he was "on form" from the minute he saw me. I think he has alcohol issues but by far the worse is his abuse of me and ..well anyone who gets on his bad side. He has outbursts at anyone and everyone over various things. Unfortunately, in many ways, I argue back nowadays. I will not put up with being talked down too and disrespected. I calmly pointed out how he was being. It made the situation very volatile at times and last night I shook him off to go to a concert on the camp by myself. I had a wonderful evening.
I set my boundary ( one more time and I am leaving but didn't tell him that) He's a big man and the one more time came. He started on me today by talking at me in a very slow, loud derogatary voice and then slapping his own head over and over in full view of thousands of people. I got up and left the stadium, walked back to the campsite, collected what I could carry 4 miles to the nearest exit( gutted I had to leave my lovely tent) and got a taxi to the nearest train station home. 5 hours later I am home.
He messaged me to say sorry and asked me where I was. I had a giggle when I told him I was home lol. I realised he was only "sorry" cos I was the only one with any money and then to prove that I was right he left a status on facebook saying he had no money and I'd left him high and dry and kind of making it sound like I'd fleeced him. Talk about entitled. I pay for the tickets and camping as a birthday treat and he clearly expected me to pay for everything else too. I'd actually paid him my share of the expenses for food, drink etc to his account but he'd asked me to send it to his eurocard and he can't use it at the sporting event which was miles from nearest town....not my problem. I blocked and deleted him off everything. Even a game we both played at one time.
My son met me off the train and said he was going to ask me to come home anyways. He was worried cos he said he always seems like he's about to kick off even when he's being nice and there was always tension and drama around him.
Hindsight...I should have gone on my own and not taken the ticket for him. The little time I got alone was the best time I had there. I need to stay NC and not get sucked in cos he is a master of manipulation. eg he stayed with friends who never let him have a door key and locked him into the house at night. To me it was clearly cos they didn't trust him but in his world it was cos they had secrets!
Oh and while I was on the train home I got an email saying I had an offer at a university.
Onwards and upwards. Happy to be home even tho it was an expensive waste of money.
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
Your son is one bright guy.
Glad it turned out okay...but that was some high risk contact, no? No more of that!
Glad it turned out okay...but that was some high risk contact, no? No more of that!
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Ladybird....I am chuckling (inside) at the implied switching of roles....It is usually the parent who scrutinizes the companions of their children....In this case, it will be the child scrutinizing the companions of the parent......
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"he can't use it at the sporting event which was miles from nearest town....not my problem. I blocked and deleted him off everything. Even a game we both played at one time."
This kind of person is a gift to single people in that they make me happy to be single!!
Congrats on the University offer and moving on from this.
This kind of person is a gift to single people in that they make me happy to be single!!
Congrats on the University offer and moving on from this.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
If it means you are moving on...
...it wasn't a waste of money at all-- worth every penny if you ask me. If, however, you reconnect with him in the future then it will be a waste of money, and a waste of your life.
Good luck!
C-
Good luck!
C-
Originally Posted by Ladybird579
My ex boyfriend's back story is on here somewhere. Long story short he was fairly normal ( to me) for 18 months but I always kind of thought the shoe would drop and it did in Europe last May. He became very verbally abusive and shouted at me after he consumed vast amounts of vodka one night. Called me names, swore at me, said I was odd and had issues, was unlovable, put me down..usual stuff I have had before with exah. Then denied it all the next day even in the face of people who'd heard him saying he had. Still denying it tbh cos he kept bringing it up.
I came home, he went to another part of Europe. We had no contact after that but I had booked to go to a sporting event in the UK this weekend. I'd paid for it months ago( back in January) for his birthday. As the tickets to this 5 day event were non refundable ( believe me I tried...I even asked if someone else would take his ticket but noone wanted to go) and very expensive I decided to go and take him his ticket and then we'd go our separate ways to enjoy ourselves. I had friends going too so thought I'd be OK with them but as it turned out they didn't go. He didn't like the idea of a ticket drop then go our separate ways cos he arrived with hardly any money. ( as it turned out but he didn't admit that at first)
I won't bore you all with the details but suffice to say he was "on form" from the minute he saw me. I think he has alcohol issues but by far the worse is his abuse of me and ..well anyone who gets on his bad side. He has outbursts at anyone and everyone over various things. Unfortunately, in many ways, I argue back nowadays. I will not put up with being talked down too and disrespected. I calmly pointed out how he was being. It made the situation very volatile at times and last night I shook him off to go to a concert on the camp by myself. I had a wonderful evening.
I set my boundary ( one more time and I am leaving but didn't tell him that) He's a big man and the one more time came. He started on me today by talking at me in a very slow, loud derogatary voice and then slapping his own head over and over in full view of thousands of people. I got up and left the stadium, walked back to the campsite, collected what I could carry 4 miles to the nearest exit( gutted I had to leave my lovely tent) and got a taxi to the nearest train station home. 5 hours later I am home.
He messaged me to say sorry and asked me where I was. I had a giggle when I told him I was home lol. I realised he was only "sorry" cos I was the only one with any money and then to prove that I was right he left a status on facebook saying he had no money and I'd left him high and dry and kind of making it sound like I'd fleeced him. Talk about entitled. I pay for the tickets and camping as a birthday treat and he clearly expected me to pay for everything else too. I'd actually paid him my share of the expenses for food, drink etc to his account but he'd asked me to send it to his eurocard and he can't use it at the sporting event which was miles from nearest town....not my problem. I blocked and deleted him off everything. Even a game we both played at one time.
My son met me off the train and said he was going to ask me to come home anyways. He was worried cos he said he always seems like he's about to kick off even when he's being nice and there was always tension and drama around him.
Hindsight...I should have gone on my own and not taken the ticket for him. The little time I got alone was the best time I had there. I need to stay NC and not get sucked in cos he is a master of manipulation. eg he stayed with friends who never let him have a door key and locked him into the house at night. To me it was clearly cos they didn't trust him but in his world it was cos they had secrets!
Oh and while I was on the train home I got an email saying I had an offer at a university. Onwards and upwards. Happy to be home even tho it was an expensive waste of money.
I came home, he went to another part of Europe. We had no contact after that but I had booked to go to a sporting event in the UK this weekend. I'd paid for it months ago( back in January) for his birthday. As the tickets to this 5 day event were non refundable ( believe me I tried...I even asked if someone else would take his ticket but noone wanted to go) and very expensive I decided to go and take him his ticket and then we'd go our separate ways to enjoy ourselves. I had friends going too so thought I'd be OK with them but as it turned out they didn't go. He didn't like the idea of a ticket drop then go our separate ways cos he arrived with hardly any money. ( as it turned out but he didn't admit that at first)
I won't bore you all with the details but suffice to say he was "on form" from the minute he saw me. I think he has alcohol issues but by far the worse is his abuse of me and ..well anyone who gets on his bad side. He has outbursts at anyone and everyone over various things. Unfortunately, in many ways, I argue back nowadays. I will not put up with being talked down too and disrespected. I calmly pointed out how he was being. It made the situation very volatile at times and last night I shook him off to go to a concert on the camp by myself. I had a wonderful evening.
I set my boundary ( one more time and I am leaving but didn't tell him that) He's a big man and the one more time came. He started on me today by talking at me in a very slow, loud derogatary voice and then slapping his own head over and over in full view of thousands of people. I got up and left the stadium, walked back to the campsite, collected what I could carry 4 miles to the nearest exit( gutted I had to leave my lovely tent) and got a taxi to the nearest train station home. 5 hours later I am home.
He messaged me to say sorry and asked me where I was. I had a giggle when I told him I was home lol. I realised he was only "sorry" cos I was the only one with any money and then to prove that I was right he left a status on facebook saying he had no money and I'd left him high and dry and kind of making it sound like I'd fleeced him. Talk about entitled. I pay for the tickets and camping as a birthday treat and he clearly expected me to pay for everything else too. I'd actually paid him my share of the expenses for food, drink etc to his account but he'd asked me to send it to his eurocard and he can't use it at the sporting event which was miles from nearest town....not my problem. I blocked and deleted him off everything. Even a game we both played at one time.
My son met me off the train and said he was going to ask me to come home anyways. He was worried cos he said he always seems like he's about to kick off even when he's being nice and there was always tension and drama around him.
Hindsight...I should have gone on my own and not taken the ticket for him. The little time I got alone was the best time I had there. I need to stay NC and not get sucked in cos he is a master of manipulation. eg he stayed with friends who never let him have a door key and locked him into the house at night. To me it was clearly cos they didn't trust him but in his world it was cos they had secrets!
Oh and while I was on the train home I got an email saying I had an offer at a university.
Onwards and upwards. Happy to be home even tho it was an expensive waste of money.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I am feeling bad. He has bi polar and was struggling with his meds. Has been a while. I discovered after I left he ended up in hospital with bi polar related issues, then had to hitch across Europe from UK home cos I pulled the plug on his phone,( cos I pre empted he'd not pay his share before he had a chance not too,) that had his tickets app on it for the trains and buses. When he got home he was too late to sign the contract for a flat he was moving cos it took him ages to get back so can't move in as the person he was signing with went on holiday. So he's in a hostel now with no medication except diazepam given to him in UK.
Am staying nc but have been told by friends who know him they do not think I handled the situation well and the chances are his bad behaviour was bi polar related and I should have got him hospitalised before I flounced off. I do feel a bit of a b***h.
Am staying nc but have been told by friends who know him they do not think I handled the situation well and the chances are his bad behaviour was bi polar related and I should have got him hospitalised before I flounced off. I do feel a bit of a b***h.
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579
I am feeling bad. He has bi polar and was struggling with his meds. Has been a while. I discovered after I left he ended up in hospital with bi polar related issues, then had to hitch across Europe from UK home cos I pulled the plug on his phone,( cos I pre empted he'd not pay his share before he had a chance not too,) that had his tickets app on it for the trains and buses. When he got home he was too late to sign the contract for a flat he was moving cos it took him ages to get back so can't move in as the person he was signing with went on holiday. So he's in a hostel now with no medication except diazepam given to him in UK.
Am staying nc but have been told by friends who know him they do not think I handled the situation well and the chances are his bad behaviour was bi polar related and I should have got him hospitalised before I flounced off. I do feel a bit of a b***h.
Am staying nc but have been told by friends who know him they do not think I handled the situation well and the chances are his bad behaviour was bi polar related and I should have got him hospitalised before I flounced off. I do feel a bit of a b***h.
Don't worry about the handling it better. Of course you could have handled it better . . . . in hind site or from a distance it is easy to see how to do it better but from depths of this situation, you did spectacularly.
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You made the decisions that were best for you at that time in that situation.
You are not responsible for his bipolar, meds, money, anything.
You are responsible for your own safety and happiness, and he was threatening both. So you took care of yourself, which is GREAT!
I'm sure he has over-dramatized his story to your friends.
You are not responsible for his bipolar, meds, money, anything.
You are responsible for your own safety and happiness, and he was threatening both. So you took care of yourself, which is GREAT!
I'm sure he has over-dramatized his story to your friends.
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Thanks for the replies. There was no doubt in my mind that staying to take the abuse he was dishing out was not happening and never will again. However we were both from the same church and the people there feel I should have called someone to help him ( not me) when I left or at least made them aware he was spiralling down. They did not think my response to the situation when told he gone in an amublance off the camp to the nearest town "well at least he didnt have to walk like me" particulary Christian lol. So yeah ...am out of it for good but I didn't show a good light while doing it. The over-dramatisation to his friends may or may not have happned but from past experience of his exploits I think it will be have been every bit as bad as he said and more some. He thrives on drama. I am enjoing the peace and getting ready for uni.
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Am reviewing how I set my boundaries/treat people cos my reactions to his words set off the chain of events that had him out in one of the worse storms that part of Europe has ever had. I could have just walked away. Pulling the plug on his only means of getting help and his tickets home (on the phone) was just vindictive of me. Cos of that he is laid dying in an icu cos he would not have been in the storm if he'd had the phone, he'd have been travelling on a train, and I never gave him chance to pay his share of the bill. Hell it wasn't even due until 4th. I've got to live with that for the rest of my life. Am out of here. I think I've got far too hard ass. There's not being co dependent and then there's being a complete and utter selfish b888ch. I know which I have become.
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Cos of that he is laid dying in an icu cos he would not have been in the storm if he'd had the phone,
...[he] had to hitch across Europe from UK home cos I pulled the plug on his phone,( cos I pre empted he'd not pay his share before he had a chance not too,) that had his tickets app on it for the trains and buses. When he got home he was too late to sign the contract for a flat he was moving cos it took him ages to get back so can't move in as the person he was signing with went on holiday. So he's in a hostel now with no medication except diazepam given to him in UK.
If he ran out of money, didn't he have other sympathetic friends who could take him in?
I'm not sure, but on the surface this seems like a bit of a stretch... You took away his phone. He struggles to get back home because he no longer has the ticketing app. He makes it home. He misses his chance to sign for a flat. No friends can board him or pick him up so he lives in a hostel. For whatever reason he travels during a storm. He gets hit by lightning. Because you're no longer paying his phone bill? Am I getting something wrong? Am I missing something from this timeline?
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