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"I'm proud of you!"

Old 07-14-2017, 07:19 AM
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"I'm proud of you!"

I finally finished my company requirements to officially be given the title of Financial Advisor! YAY! Right? Well, sort of. I haven't really taken any time to let it sink in because I now have a million things to do and my marketing materials are a mess, my prospect base is dwindling, and I only have 4 months to prove to the company that I can bring in assets so I really haven't sat down to give myself a pat on the back.

For years, I wanted to hear my parents say they were proud of me. I so badly wanted their approval but my dad was never happy with my results at anything, and I didn't realize that it wasn't about me, it was about him, but that lesson came in my 40s but I also realized it was never too late to learn, either.

I never really learned how to be proud of myself, honestly. I graduated from college and didn't even attend the ceremonies because no one in my family made a request to learn more about it or know about it so I just had my diploma mailed to me. I still, to this day, do not know how to handle compliments or recognition.

Anyway, yesterday I asked my bf if he was surprised that I made it as far as I had. He looked shocked and hurt that I said it and I realized it was the wrong thing to say. He said, "What? Of course I knew you'd make it through all of this! I would have never suggested you go this route if I didn't have faith you'd make it all the way. I truly believe you're going to be great at this job!" "That would be a terrible thing to do to someone; setting them up for failure." In the back of my mind all this time, I thought he was just testing me, seeing what I was made of, or waiting for me to fail (because that's what my XAH did). I kept thinking I had to prove him wrong, while all along I now realize I didn't have to prove anything to anybody but myself.

Later he told me this, "babe, you went from stay at home mom with no current career skills to financial advisor. You had personality and strength and charm, but your executive skills, study skills, office management skills, and business skills were lacking. I'm so proud of you! Not everyone has the balls to go door to door in 115 degree heat and to make it through all those brutal tests and company requirements for all those months. To face rejection, to deal with the mental and physical demands of this job already is a sign of strength. You failed the tests in the beginning, but you tried again. Give yourself credit!"

I nearly broke down in tears (I had also started my period yesterday so I was on an emotional precipice to begin with, lol). I've had friends praise me for what I was doing but to hear it from my bf spoken with gentleness and admiration really made my day. I guess I hadn't stopped long enough to give myself any credit for even getting this far in my journey.

I want to encourage those of you who are staying with an AH for financial reasons to please believe in yourself, in your abilities, in your strengths and fortitude.......it was one of the things that kept me down and kept me staying with my XAH, my inability to see that I was stronger than I believed. I was beaten down, I felt like I had no valuable skills, I was financially dependent on him, and I felt trapped. I still have a long way to go, but no matter what I am far more marketable in the job world than I was even a year ago. I am so grateful to bf and my company, which I truly believe is one of the best companies in the world for training and employee support, but most of all I'm grateful to all of you. I may have never moved on if it hadn't been for the support of my Al Anon program and my friends here at SR. Thank you all!
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Old 07-14-2017, 07:30 AM
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Bravo. I absolutely understand the inability to ever feel as if what you've accomplished is worth anything. I'm still struggling.

But YOU, girl...you're a rock star!!!

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Old 07-14-2017, 07:40 AM
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lizatola.....I am proud of you! You have done an esteemable thing....and, that is how self esteem is built. You have proven your strength to yourself...yourself...the most important person of all.
Now, the pride belongs to you...and, nobody can ever take it away from you...
Well played, my dear.

**I can remember my husband going through his series 7....and, it was a bear....even, as smart as he was! so, I have some idea of the sheer difficulty of what you are going through.....
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:43 AM
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lizatola, you WORKED for this! Long, hard and doggedly! I know you struggled and almost quit on more than one occasion, but you stuck it out and now look at you. What a long, long way you've come.

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Old 07-14-2017, 10:31 AM
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Congratulations on your fabulous achievement
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:33 AM
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Sounds like a pretty good boyfriend...

...one thing I'll share is this-- as a man I'm often intimidated to tell my wife, adult daughter, and other female relatives that I'm proud of them for fear it will feel or sound sexist or patronizing. Other times, they succeed at something I simply knew they would and never even entertained the idea that they wouldn't-- that's sometimes where I forget to acknowledge it, or where I'm afraid saying it for the reasons above.

For this same reason I sometimes decline to help with things or explain things when I'm unclear about how it will be perceived by these women I love and respect in the context of our relationship and/or sexism. With me and mine, however, I do know that if they get irritated or upset I'm going to hear about it so I always get a chance to apologize or help.

Congratulations to you!

Cyranoak
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:55 AM
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Congratulations on your accomplishment.
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:58 AM
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Great job Liz!
You are awesome
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:03 AM
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Cryanoak---interesting point of view! I can certainly appreciate your dilemma...
Maybe, just say "Congratulations"...."You did this" or "You did that"....and never utter the word "I" or "Proud"......just use "You" and describe their achievement.....?
I dunno.....I'm just spitballing, here.....
I, personally, love I t when my loved ones are proud of me!....and I am a female lion...lol.....
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:12 AM
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Congrats! That is amazing you should take the time to be proud of yourself. I am slowly learning I don't need validation from others. It is a hard lesson to learn and I am happy to hear that you are doing so well!
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:47 AM
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Awesome!!

Good for you, Liz!! I know you worked hard for this. Take all the kudos you can get, you earned them.

COD
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Old 07-14-2017, 12:26 PM
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Oh Liz, this is the BEST kind of success story we have around here!!! I'm so incredibly happy for you, but there is NO doubt that you worked hard & earned every bit of this!! Congratulations!!!!!
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Old 07-14-2017, 02:27 PM
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That got me a little joy teary

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Old 07-14-2017, 07:03 PM
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Liza, your post is just pure 100% undiluted awesome. So happy for you!
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Old 07-14-2017, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
...one thing I'll share is this-- as a man I'm often intimidated to tell my wife, adult daughter, and other female relatives that I'm proud of them for fear it will feel or sound sexist or patronizing. Other times, they succeed at something I simply knew they would and never even entertained the idea that they wouldn't-- that's sometimes where I forget to acknowledge it, or where I'm afraid saying it for the reasons above.

For this same reason I sometimes decline to help with things or explain things when I'm unclear about how it will be perceived by these women I love and respect in the context of our relationship and/or sexism. With me and mine, however, I do know that if they get irritated or upset I'm going to hear about it so I always get a chance to apologize or help.

Congratulations to you!

Cyranoak
Thanks for the insight Cyranoak.
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Old 07-15-2017, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
Oh Liz, this is the BEST kind of success story we have around here!!! I'm so incredibly happy for you, but there is NO doubt that you worked hard & earned every bit of this!! Congratulations!!!!!
Hey lady! Thank you so much. And, thank you to everyone else who responded. Life is still one day at a time for me, but I'm getting better at envisioning a brighter future and I'm learning how to put anxiety aside.

My son is struggling a lot these days and it breaks my heart. I am constantly focusing on what I can and cannot control. Every step forward I took was something that was in my control and I'm so grateful I stepped out in faith.

That's why I encourage others to do the same. It took me 3 years to leave. I never saw this for myself and I certainly never saw my life today as it is now in anything I ever envisioned. There can be a better life whether you stay with an addict or not. It's all about choices and letting go of that which you cannot control.
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:56 AM
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Oh Liz, this is such good stuff! Friend, I just want to say that over the years, while you may not have believed in yourself, WE HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU!!!! Never a doubt!

So super proud of you, and I thank you for sharing these thoughts about your journey!

YOU ROCK FRIEND!
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