viola71

So when I left with my DD17 and moved out and finally told my parents what was going I then had my sister give them a call and let her answer all the questions. My parents asked if she had seen my AH behavior , this is an ongoing theme in my family. I am the youngest of five and they have always assumed the worst about me. (My father was very verbally,physically and emotionally abusive; and my mom was a bystander). So after my AH and my therapy session Monday which was incredibly painful and hard my Dad who is in poor health emailed my AH. Basically saying that he hopes he can work out his stuff with the kids and myself. My AH knowing how incredibly abusive this man has been to me infect blaming my dad's behavior for the burden my AH must carry sent him a response saying "I don't know what you have been told, but I have fought for my family every single day". I feel sick and betrayed, knowing how much this man hurt me from my childhood to today he set the seed of doubt with manipulation it all just makes me sick, meanwhile I received a gift today from AH saying he will always be in my corner after our very hard therapy session. It all feels so skeezy. I feel like I have no safe place to express my feelings and I just feel alone and a little nuts to be honest.

SparkleKitty

Viola are you engaged in any therapy just for you? Not with your husband?

viola71

Yes I have therapy once every other week for me and once every other week for the two of us. He goes to his own therapist once every other week.

Bob4x4

family of origin situation sounds similar, mom stands by, father does the rage show...

when parents are not doing well they don't behave any better, IME it brings out their worst traits, not their best. old fallback and bad learned behaviours and manipulations... ( manipulations worked really good to get small kids to behave, it will always be in their 'control' toolbox to the bitter end )

IMO once a week is not enough when you are going thru a lot. I think forums like this are good, there is also a chat room here.

keep posting, and reading.

mylifeismine

Viola it would be very appropriate for you to have more
frequent therapy sessions (for you) as the amount of support you
need going through this will change as issues are dealt
with and new coping skills are needed. Give yourself
what you need right now, take care of you. This is what
therapists do, and you may need to call him/her in between
sessions too.

maia1234

V,
Does your marriage therapist know that he is an alcoholic? In my opinion, it doesn't work. I spent thousands on family counseling and didn't recognize that dealing with an active addict is worthless. Lots of therapist won't work with couples when addiction is involved. I would take the weekly meetings and do it for you and only you. You need the help more, then saving a marriage, with active addiction.

Sorry to put it so bluntly, but unless you are well there is no hope of saving "both" of you. Also, I would not share anything with your father until you can trust him, which I can't see will be anytime soon.

Hugs, keep posting we all get it!!

OT4Kids

Save yourself. Trust your gut feelings. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

Sasha1972

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. Sadly, some people do not improve or change with age and the only way to deal with them is to maintain your own "safe zone" or protective bubble. I don't think parents should be interfering in their grown children's marriages (unless someone's safety is at risk). Like everyone else says, do what you need to do to take care of yourself, even if that means closing off from your alcoholic husband or your father. I too think that if you see your therapist more often, it would be helpful.

viola71

Yes the therapist knows he's an alcoholic, she just cancelled our next together appt for next week. I have once scheduled on Tuesday I am taking for myself. Im just so tired.