honeypig

You can check out Alanon here: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

For me, reading the Alanon literature was important in understanding how things worked. Amazon has tons of used Alanon books for very reasonable prices.

And while Alanon does have online and phone meetings as well as email circles (which I tried when I was still trying to figure out how to get better w/the minimal commitment/effort I could make--hint: it doesn't work), my personal experience is that they cannot hold a candle to SR when it comes to an online recovery community. Alanon's strength, to me, was exactly that; the meetings ARE f2f.

One last thing that I neglected to mention: Sometimes people thing AA and Alanon are the same thing, and based on your comment about "telling your story", I wonder if you might be thinking this too. AA is for the alcoholic. Alanon, as I mentioned, is for anyone whose life has been affected by an A. Some people fall into both categories and attend both types of meetings, but unless the meeting is specifically marked as an "open" meeting, it's best to stick to the meeting that fits your situation.

Ariesagain

One more thought...you have a home life in which most mornings you are screamed at and verbally abused. That's insanely stressful and regardless of the root cause, is that how you want to spend your days?

Worse...he doesn't see that as anything worth you "complaining" about.

It IS a big deal and you have every right to choose not to spend your days being his verbal target.

Have another hug...

aliciagr

Honeypig has done a great job explaining Alanon. I also attended it for a while and think its good to explore if your interested. I would just like to add however that while AA and Alanon are different. Both are based solely on the Alcoholics Anonymous model. Alanon contains a 12 step program for the family member that is comparable to AA just addressing different addictions so to speak. There are online Alanon sessions if it would make you more comfortable. The meetings themselves dont have crosstalk, most of that occurs before or after.
I preferred to go in on time, and then just leave. No one will be offended if you dont feel comfortable staying to chat or delve into your personal life. There are also other support groups for family members, and maybe some through your local medical center. I used this resource when I needed a therapist and they were very helpful advising me about sliding scale options, and free services if I didnt have insurance.

ladyscribbler

But then you say:

That sounds very mean to me.

It will get worse. He will get worse. Those nasty mornings will turn into nasty days and weeks. So will the financial issues that go along with drinking. My ex racked up several thousand in defaulted student aid- actually had to pay back his GI Bill money after he withdrew from several classes so he wouldn't fail them- same thing as your AH, too hungover get up on time, too drunk to complete coursework, etc.

I racked my brains trying to figure out how to make him want sobriety but nothing worked and it left me more frustrated and depressed than before. Al Anon was a tremendous help for me in dealing with the aftermath of that relationship, but also in looking at my deeper issues that kept me there for so long, despite the drinking and abuse. As others have said, he doesn't have a problem with his drinking and the way he treats you, everything about this relationship is working just fine for him.

hearthealth

Believe in yourself and trust your gut on what's going on. He can live in denial. You don't have to. It's okay to spend some time away from him. Spend some time getting to know yourself.