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Not sure how to make the break

Old 07-12-2017, 06:24 PM
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Not sure how to make the break

I have an AH that actively drinks. He has had issue with pain pill addiction in the past and although he denies I am certain he is mixing this with alcohol. I think he has some type of undiagnosed mental disorder as well so this makes for him having a very unstable moods at times. His anger problems are very much worse than in the past as well. I am ready to file for divorce and am even willing to give up our house the only issue I am having is my son. We have a 10 year old and I am absolutely terrified they will give him overnight visits. I spoke with a lawyer yesterday and she said the judge in our county is very hard on parents that have alcohol issues but it will be up to me to prove it. He has had 3 duis but the last one was over 6 years ago. On an average night he drinks a 6 pack and I am guessing a pint of whiskey. (he does not drink the whiskey openly I find the empty bottles)

How do I make this step and keep my child safe? I am willing to walk away from our house and get a place for my son and I but am not sure what will happen in the meantime as I don't want him to be able to have access to our son overnight. Financially getting a lawyer and a place to rent will not be an issue for me.

Another issue is telling him. Logically the lawyer said I should make him an offer he cannot refuse but I am terrified to even approach this. Part of me thinks I should wait until he has his next meltdown (which will be sooner rather that later) and tell him we are leaving. I don't want to be in any trouble keeping him away from our son but I want to know my son is safe. I guess I am feeling really discouraged because after meeting with the lawyer I feel like there is nothing in place to protect me or my kid. I don't think staying is the answer though. We have a DD that is 18 and she thinks her dad is highly unstable right now and is encouraging me to find a place on our own. I told her it is not that easy since her brother is only 10. I feel so lost right now....
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Old 07-12-2017, 06:30 PM
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I am hesitant to say anything except my heart goes out to you. Many more, with more experience and who have children, will chime in soon I am sure. Hang in there, you are lost now but sounds like you are well on the way to figuring out what you need for you and your children. Hugs
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Old 07-12-2017, 07:05 PM
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I am so sorry you are going though this. Do you think you could convince him to get his own place?

If not, I would say that one of the positives is that your son is 10. He's able so be more aware that something is off and you can also buy him a cell phone. My kids played sports and I made sure I always dropped them off and picked them up. My AH gladly let me drive them because then he had time to go drink (he never realized I purposely drove them everywhere).

I've heard that many times a breathalyzer can be used before visits to keep kids safe.

Your husband sounds scary - hopefully Lexie will chime in with wisdom on how to stay safe.
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