possible custody issue with ex
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Mt Pleasant SC
Posts: 9
possible custody issue with ex
It has been a heck of a week for me. My first husband who is a deadbeat father who has not been a part of my kids lives in the past 10 years. It has been very sporatic . He has been jailed 5 times for non payment of support.
Recently my second exhusband moved back in June of this year/ He is an alcoholic who has not been going to meetings. He does not drink in my house. He likes to drink before he gets home then come in sloshed. He isn't always drunk but in my eyes one drink is as bad as 10.
Now my first husband thinks he is going to fight for custody of our two children making D's alcoholism grounds for this. He forgot to mention to his attorney that he is also an alcoholic who drinks right in front of the kids who is also Bypolar and has attempted suicide.
To top it off, his attorney is his sisters boyfriend who is a real Estate attorney who thinks he can defend this deadbeat in Family court. He doesn't have to pay for his legal counsel. I have an excellent attorney but she is not cheap. She charges $200 an hour.
I have been very liberal in dealing with D's drinking. I figured he wasn't drinking at home and he wasn't drunk all the time. But now I have the passion to kick his butt out. One part of me says I need to stand up for him because I should have the choice to allow himto stay as long as he goes to AA and sobers up. Then the other part of me says enough is enough and he needs to hit the road. His past drinking and present is causing me more grief. I know I did not cause this problem but I should have followed through with my threats to kick him out.
I woke up this morning fired up. I found out that D has not worked in 8 days . He works with his brother making $20 an hour cash money every Friday. He is a foreman for his brothers construction company. So the money he aggreed to pay me this week will not happen as he hasn't worked . So I told him to get out. He begged me not to kick him out and to give him one more chance. I told him that he will work everyday and his brother will call me as soon as he misses a day, if he drinks on the job, if he comes home with Alcohol on his breath, And he must attend AA meetings everyday.Showing me proof he has attended the whole meeting.
If he can't do those things then he is out of my house for good. Honestly, I hope he can do it but I doubt it. I am sure I will be letting you all know in a week or so he is out.
This custody threat may be something that turns this around and makes him stay sober since he knows I will pick my kids over him everytime. He truley loves us very much . He admits he hasn;t tried to get help but now he is ready.
I hate to be pessimistic but I have heard this before and I will be shocked if he stays sober. He is very self centered and it is always about him. So for him to give up all this would be a sacrifice I doubt he will be able to make.
Thanks for letting me vent. Prayers are greatly needed sent my way.
Pam
Recently my second exhusband moved back in June of this year/ He is an alcoholic who has not been going to meetings. He does not drink in my house. He likes to drink before he gets home then come in sloshed. He isn't always drunk but in my eyes one drink is as bad as 10.
Now my first husband thinks he is going to fight for custody of our two children making D's alcoholism grounds for this. He forgot to mention to his attorney that he is also an alcoholic who drinks right in front of the kids who is also Bypolar and has attempted suicide.
To top it off, his attorney is his sisters boyfriend who is a real Estate attorney who thinks he can defend this deadbeat in Family court. He doesn't have to pay for his legal counsel. I have an excellent attorney but she is not cheap. She charges $200 an hour.
I have been very liberal in dealing with D's drinking. I figured he wasn't drinking at home and he wasn't drunk all the time. But now I have the passion to kick his butt out. One part of me says I need to stand up for him because I should have the choice to allow himto stay as long as he goes to AA and sobers up. Then the other part of me says enough is enough and he needs to hit the road. His past drinking and present is causing me more grief. I know I did not cause this problem but I should have followed through with my threats to kick him out.
I woke up this morning fired up. I found out that D has not worked in 8 days . He works with his brother making $20 an hour cash money every Friday. He is a foreman for his brothers construction company. So the money he aggreed to pay me this week will not happen as he hasn't worked . So I told him to get out. He begged me not to kick him out and to give him one more chance. I told him that he will work everyday and his brother will call me as soon as he misses a day, if he drinks on the job, if he comes home with Alcohol on his breath, And he must attend AA meetings everyday.Showing me proof he has attended the whole meeting.
If he can't do those things then he is out of my house for good. Honestly, I hope he can do it but I doubt it. I am sure I will be letting you all know in a week or so he is out.
This custody threat may be something that turns this around and makes him stay sober since he knows I will pick my kids over him everytime. He truley loves us very much . He admits he hasn;t tried to get help but now he is ready.
I hate to be pessimistic but I have heard this before and I will be shocked if he stays sober. He is very self centered and it is always about him. So for him to give up all this would be a sacrifice I doubt he will be able to make.
Thanks for letting me vent. Prayers are greatly needed sent my way.
Pam
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
December...I doubt he can do it too but that is only because it will require more monitoring on your part than you can keep up with.
Honestly? You have said what you have said so you kind of have to stand by your word or lose ground, BUT I would watch actions without having to play hall monitor. Making threats that are impossible to follow through on is a mistake. Every addict that I have lived with is more manipulating than I can ever hope to keep track of.
How will you ever know for sure that he went to a meeting at all much less stayed? I have taken my son to watch him go in one door and out the next. He would not be above showing up in the parking lot for me to pick him up. They are manipulators and we can not win at that game.
Be careful with your threats.
((Hugs))
JT
Honestly? You have said what you have said so you kind of have to stand by your word or lose ground, BUT I would watch actions without having to play hall monitor. Making threats that are impossible to follow through on is a mistake. Every addict that I have lived with is more manipulating than I can ever hope to keep track of.
How will you ever know for sure that he went to a meeting at all much less stayed? I have taken my son to watch him go in one door and out the next. He would not be above showing up in the parking lot for me to pick him up. They are manipulators and we can not win at that game.
Be careful with your threats.
((Hugs))
JT
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
December--I totally agree that you will need to follow through with your demands'
We all want to believe that our A really wants to put his mate and family first but
it is easier said then done. Applause to you for putting your children first. You need
to take care of yourself so you can take care of your babies.--H.P. be with you--Dee
We all want to believe that our A really wants to put his mate and family first but
it is easier said then done. Applause to you for putting your children first. You need
to take care of yourself so you can take care of your babies.--H.P. be with you--Dee
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