bashbb

I spent the last 9 months in hell dealing with my alcoholic boyfriend. He has been fired from 2 jobs, been in a car accident, his mom calling the cops on him, transport by ambulance, hospital stays, legal issues, cheating, and so many lies.I have stood by him thru all of it. I believed him when he said he would get sober himself. His history is he has been thru rehabs, detox, and half way houses at least 17 times. He always comes back to drinking. The last straw was we were hiking and he told me he was sober. He was violent with me, yelling, shook me, etc. I was able to call the cops while he ran ahead of me to sneak away to drink his vodka. I have not talked to him since. I have gotten message after message apologizing, telling me he will go to detox and rehab. He tells me he needs me to get better. I am very hurt and sad. Is it right for me to back away and keep no contact with him? I feel like he won't ever get better with his history. And with all the betrayel I don't feel like I can ever trust him. Do you hold people accountable for their actions under the influence? I want to do the right thing. It's very hard for me not to answer him. The cops did encourage me to get a poa, which I have not done.

NYCDoglvr

Stay away, block his phone and get a restraining order. If he shows up, call the police. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to affect his drinking. Good luck!

AnvilheadII

any time we describe our experience as "9 months of HELL" we can be assured that walking away and staying away is the right things to do.

any time the POLICE recommend that we get an Order of PROTECTION against another individual, it is wise to take their counsel and consider that person a THREAT.

alcohol does not make people abusive. but abusive people drink and then blame the alcohol for their actions.

abuse is NEVER ok. ALWAYS stay away from ANYONE who has ever abused you. ALWAYS. no excuses.

dandylion

bash...Yes! Do let him go. It is the right thing to do for your own welfare.
You cannot help him...and, he will just drag you further down.....
Don't got through this alone....get the support that you need...alanon or such program,....a counselor for yourself....and US...(wink)....

You are going to be grieving the loss of the relationship....for several weeks, at least...that is why you need extra support....But, you will get through that...and, you will be o.k......
You are right not ot engage with him any further...no good can possibly come from it...and, it will only set you back!

Ariesagain

You did everything you could, more than you should, and more than most people would.

Either he'll find his own way out of the chaos he's created or he won't, but your wellbeing doesn't have to be held hostage to his addiction.

Lift your face toward the sun and move on.

BlownOne

He no more needs to you to help him get sober than he did to help him get drunk. It's on him. You didn't cause it, and you can't control it for him. I agree with the other posters. Sever your ties now while you have the strength and move on with your life.

Maudcat

Yes. Absolutely.
Walk away, don't look back.
Telling you he will go to rehab, (and how has that worked out so far?), telling you he needs you to get sober, etc, is a classic alcoholic maneuver in an attempt to orbit you back in.
No one gets sober for anyone else. No one needs anyone to get sober.
It is completely the alcoholic's journey.
If you gave him money, write it off because you won't be getting it back.
Very sorry this has happened to you.
Good luck.

LexieCat

I've worked in the domestic violence field professionally for many years. I STRONGLY recommend that you get an order--you not only have the right to be safe, you have the right to be free of badgering, pleas, and guilt-trips.

"Standing by" someone while s/he abuses or exploits you and causes sheer havoc in your life is not something noble, but rather a symptom of the sickness that afflicts many of us who love an alcoholic and desperately hope they will change. Maybe this guy will, eventually, but he does NOT need your help to do it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Believe me, if he is truly determined to get sober and stay that way, there are a TON of resources out there (including free ones, like AA) to help him.

Please contact your local women's shelter and speak with an advocate about getting an order. They are awesome and can provide you with any other help or resources you need.

Hugs,

maia1234

Sobriety is a one man show.

Run and don't look back.. you don't want to be dancing this dance in 5 years or 10 years from now. Addicts like to string you along. They are miserable so you need to be miserable.

Happy days are a head my friend.