"Honey, do you think you might need a sponsor?"
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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"Honey, do you think you might need a sponsor?"
That's what one of the nice older ladies at the AlAnon meeting I've been attending for the last couple of months said to me after the meeting today. I had "shared" a bit of what has been going on with me in the last couple of weeks (see "headed to court" thread for details: briefly, ex is a trainwreck and cars on that train include drunk driving, meth-addict girlfriend, cops called to Kid's school, psych-ward stints, child protection investigations, failed rehab, deciding he doesn't really need to quit drinking, crazy divorce from second ex-wife [I mean his second ex-wife, not mine 
], manipulation of Kid, verbal abuse, endless ranting emails to both me AND my lawyer, and legal gears grinding to switch custody of Kid from joint to sole [to me], which can't happen fast enough for me).
If I talk about this stuff at all, I tend to make light of it - "you can't make this stuff up! What on earth is he going to come up with next?!". But it actually takes a big emotional toll, because I am worried about what's going to happen in the future. I'm seeing the signs that ex is winding up for another big crash and burn and I'm afraid for Kid getting caught in the next catastrophe. "Letting go and letting God" is not happening for me, neither is "one day at a time". The stress is showing up physically, in the form of difficulty eating and bouts of vertigo.
I guess some of my internal state must have been apparent at the meeting, because the nice lady said that she thought I could use some help from someone more experienced in "using the program tools". She herself has a recovering alcoholic husband and a recovering drug-addicted son, so she's BTDT.
I said "yes! I would love to have a sponsor! Would YOU be my sponsor?". She said "well, let's have coffee first and talk a bit more about your situation". (I felt a bit like the high school nerd who just asked the popular kid out on a date).
But the relief I felt at the idea of having a sponsor - someone I could work with in order to really understand the AlAnon program and way of life, and crucially, someone who is not a friend so I don't need to worry about whether they're secretly thinking "wow, I'm glad I'm not her" or "when is she going to get this crap sorted out already?" - that sense of relief tells me that I might be at a point where I am receptive to the accumulated wisdom of thousands of people who've lived through situations like mine. A little bit of hope.
], manipulation of Kid, verbal abuse, endless ranting emails to both me AND my lawyer, and legal gears grinding to switch custody of Kid from joint to sole [to me], which can't happen fast enough for me). If I talk about this stuff at all, I tend to make light of it - "you can't make this stuff up! What on earth is he going to come up with next?!". But it actually takes a big emotional toll, because I am worried about what's going to happen in the future. I'm seeing the signs that ex is winding up for another big crash and burn and I'm afraid for Kid getting caught in the next catastrophe. "Letting go and letting God" is not happening for me, neither is "one day at a time". The stress is showing up physically, in the form of difficulty eating and bouts of vertigo.
I guess some of my internal state must have been apparent at the meeting, because the nice lady said that she thought I could use some help from someone more experienced in "using the program tools". She herself has a recovering alcoholic husband and a recovering drug-addicted son, so she's BTDT.
I said "yes! I would love to have a sponsor! Would YOU be my sponsor?". She said "well, let's have coffee first and talk a bit more about your situation". (I felt a bit like the high school nerd who just asked the popular kid out on a date).
But the relief I felt at the idea of having a sponsor - someone I could work with in order to really understand the AlAnon program and way of life, and crucially, someone who is not a friend so I don't need to worry about whether they're secretly thinking "wow, I'm glad I'm not her" or "when is she going to get this crap sorted out already?" - that sense of relief tells me that I might be at a point where I am receptive to the accumulated wisdom of thousands of people who've lived through situations like mine. A little bit of hope.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good on ya!!
" (I felt a bit like the high school nerd who just asked the popular kid out on a date). "
i relate a bit. when i asked my AA sponsor to sponsor me it was like the coolest kid in school just said,"yeah, youre cool."
had to get myself in check there-realize and accept he was human,too;look across at him and not up to him.
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