batchel9

Been separated from AH since April. We have two young kids (age 5 and 2) that we have been sharing time with (he doesn't drink all of the time....just goes on binges randomly that he mostly seems to plan around the kids).

This weekend he is out of town with the kids and his parents. They are gone for 3 days. We were getting along fine and since he is with his parents I'm sure they are fueling the fire on how I am the terrible person. He got mad at me for absolutely nothing this morning and now won't let me talk to the kids while they are away. Until now we have always had the kids call the other parent on the days they aren't with them. Since he got mad, he's ignoring my pleas to talk to them via text and call.

I feel like he's intentionally being nasty and intentionally hurting me where he knows it hurts most. By withholding the kids.

Is there anything I can do?
Is this something the courts would frown on?
I'm furious and heartbroken 😭 💔

honeypig

batchel, I have no legal knowledge, but based on what I've read here, I don't think he has the right to prevent the kids from communicating with you. I'm sure others will be along with better info.

As I'm sure others have said to you before, document all this carefully.

LeeJane

Sorry you are going through this. I am a recovering A (7 years sober) as well as recovering codie.

Reading your post reminded me of when my drinking was spiralling along the inevitable path that it does. I was moving from periodic drinking increasing slowly but surely to daily.

The behaviours you described are how I behaved. The small amount of control over my drinking was becoming harder and harder for me.

May sound strange but the behaviour was about opening up my time to accommodate my increasing drinking. It wasn't about the people I was hurting.

I encourage you to look after yourself and your children. Us drinkers will crash on regardless. Hurting all around us. In drink we don't see things in a realistic way. All we see is alcohol.

LexieCat

Yes, he's intentionally being nasty and intentionally hurting you.

There's nothing you can do immediately. I'm assuming you don't have a court order for custody/visitation in place? I'd suggest you GET one, ASAP. You don't have to be divorced or even have filed for that to happen. The thing is (and I'm not trying to scare you, here), without a custody order the two of you have equal rights to the children. So if he were to choose to simply keep them and not bring them home, you would have to go to court to get them back.

Even WITH an order, few police officers would forcibly remove a child from a parent, but with an order he would face contempt charges and risk whatever visitation/parenting time he does have if he doesn't comply with the order.

I forget--do you have a lawyer yet? If not, I'd get one ASAP and get the ball rolling. The one thing to keep in mind is the kids are most likely perfectly safe right now. Clearly this cannot continue, though, so best to be proactive. Until you DO have an order, you can simply refuse to let him take them. As long as you aren't "concealing" their whereabouts you should be on good legal ground (though I'd recommend confirming that with a lawyer).

Legal advice is essential in these situations.

Hugs,

hopeful4

Unless you have a parenting plan that specifies that you may speak to your children on the days they are w/him, there is nothing you can really do. If you had that, you would have the option to take him for contempt of not following the orders. However, most people save up issues or only do so for big issues b/c it's so expensive.

I am so sorry.