aliciagr

You mean because of the pen cylinder? It was outside in the yard, and the possibility he is abusing anything doesnt match up with anything else Im seeing. Im staying alert, but without drifting into paranoia so far.

soberandhonest

Hey Alicia. I hope you are doing well with the pregnancy! Exciting times for you. You are very fortunate to have such a supportive family.

In my humble opinion, you are handling things properly with your husband.

The pen cylinder reminded me of an incident that occurred when I was about 4 or 5 months sober. My SO found a bottle cap from a beer (an IPA, which was my drink of choice) mixed in with my clothes in the dryer. She confronted me and I had no idea where it came from. She didn't believe me, which hurt a bit, but I understood her perspective and the basis for her suspicions. I had forfeited my right to a simple denial. It was extremely frustrating for me because I had done everything right over a period of months and we had slowly but steadily rebuilt some trust in our relationship; it seemed like all of those gains had been blown by a bottle cap in the dryer that I had absolutely no knowledge of! These conversations/accusations/denials/discussions went on for a couple of days before she began to believe me. Ultimately, we both came to believe that the bottle cap had probably been stuck in the pocket of a pair of shorts for some period of time and had finally made its way to freedom, though I'm not entirely certain.

In retrospect, I think it was right for my SO to confront me on this and I don't blame her at all for being somewhat accusatory. She had every right to her feelings based upon my actions over a period of years. Also, where there is smoke, there is usually fire, but not always. I'm almost hesitant to share this story because I sort of feel like these sorts of "coincidences" are very rarely innocent, but it was in my case.

Good luck to you, your baby, your husband, and your family.

aliciagr

SoberandHonest,

Sorry it took me so long to reply. Thank you for your comments, as Im trying to handle all of this the best I can.

I had to laugh at what happened with you and the bottle cap. Not that it was at all funny for you guys ! But it made me think of how many secrets wash out on laundry day. Lipstick, little slips of paper, and paraphernalia used with a variety of substances to name just a few.

I think finding something in the laundry would prompt a discussion. Im pretty sure I would have mentioned it too. Im happy it worked out ok for you both, but sorry for those days it caused you both pain.

I havent seen anything else and he seems to be doing really well actually. Working full time, doing therapy a couple times a month, and we are doing the new marriage counseling through the church, going to church, and he has reconnected with some friends from work and is even playing ball with them.

I have been struggling with anxiety these last couple weeks. Not because of anything he has been doing, but just the overall. I told the Dr I feel like Im just waiting for the next bad thing to happen and was told its normal after what Ive been through, and the many changes occurring. Baby is doing well but doctors say he may arrive early which is scary, but they say not to worry. lol yeah right.

We just sold our house out of state, will be closing soon. What a relief!

I started working part time in my actual field of work. Its mostly just research and writing but thats what I wanted because it keeps my mind busy and I really needed something constructive to focus on thats not too stressful. That just happened, and Im excited as I hadnt worked in my field for over a year now.