Need support still
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
OT,
I'm sorry that you're still in this cycle as well.
At the very least, you're still confronting the problem head on. You know what you have to do. You're at least coming back here. You're stuck, but you haven't run away. You haven't turned away. You've acknowledged the right solution, which unfortunately feels like jumping off a 100 foot cliff.
But you're not pretending that everything is OK, and you realize that things have to change, and that is HUGE.
Hugs to you...
I'm sorry that you're still in this cycle as well.
At the very least, you're still confronting the problem head on. You know what you have to do. You're at least coming back here. You're stuck, but you haven't run away. You haven't turned away. You've acknowledged the right solution, which unfortunately feels like jumping off a 100 foot cliff.
But you're not pretending that everything is OK, and you realize that things have to change, and that is HUGE.
Hugs to you...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
OT,
I'm proud of you that you keep coming back. I don't know how many people that you have to talk to? I did see that you are seeing a therapist. That's good.
I remember when I was living through this. My ex ran away from home a lot also. I know I told you that.
I think back to those times, and how I felt then. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk, but I didn't want to talk. I had no one to talk to, because there was only one person I wanted to talk to, but I couldn't talk to that person because he shut off all communication from me.
I remember when he would come home and I thought he came home because he loved me and missed me. I thought we could talk and communicate, but I was wrong. Anytime I wanted to talk or communicate, he would just run off again.
I kept trying to change myself, keep opinions to myself, I was walking on eggshells around him, just hoping that he wouldn't run away again. I changed into a person that I didn't even like, and he still didn't find me to be acceptable even though I was doing everything he wanted. He always found something else wrong with me.
I guess what I am trying to say here is to stop beating yourself up. I like you the way that you are. Get your "me" back again. Don't keep trying to change for someone else.
What I realized with all the running away was that I was never going to be able to have an emotional conversation with my ex. It was more like I was just a fixture in the house. It was like I was not even human anymore to him. Whenever I tried to be "me", I was just shut out.
I couldn't deal with it anymore. My life was not meant to be to cater to someone else's ego, or whatever. I decided to enjoy my life instead. I needed to cut that anchor off of me.
Take care, thinking of you
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
I'm proud of you that you keep coming back. I don't know how many people that you have to talk to? I did see that you are seeing a therapist. That's good.
I remember when I was living through this. My ex ran away from home a lot also. I know I told you that.
I think back to those times, and how I felt then. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk, but I didn't want to talk. I had no one to talk to, because there was only one person I wanted to talk to, but I couldn't talk to that person because he shut off all communication from me.
I remember when he would come home and I thought he came home because he loved me and missed me. I thought we could talk and communicate, but I was wrong. Anytime I wanted to talk or communicate, he would just run off again.
I kept trying to change myself, keep opinions to myself, I was walking on eggshells around him, just hoping that he wouldn't run away again. I changed into a person that I didn't even like, and he still didn't find me to be acceptable even though I was doing everything he wanted. He always found something else wrong with me.
I guess what I am trying to say here is to stop beating yourself up. I like you the way that you are. Get your "me" back again. Don't keep trying to change for someone else.
What I realized with all the running away was that I was never going to be able to have an emotional conversation with my ex. It was more like I was just a fixture in the house. It was like I was not even human anymore to him. Whenever I tried to be "me", I was just shut out.
I couldn't deal with it anymore. My life was not meant to be to cater to someone else's ego, or whatever. I decided to enjoy my life instead. I needed to cut that anchor off of me.
Take care, thinking of you
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 72
You are in my prayers - take care
Originally Posted by OT4Kids 
Got bad news at the doctors this week.... just that my illnesses are getting worse as expected....no treatment, and no cure, just trying to lessen symptoms.
Also, on top of normal work stress, there was a problem with my work scheduling that my boss initially thought was my fault and then figured it out, but I was supposed to be off today and yesterday but had to work partial days which was annoying
Busy shuttling kids to and from drivers ed and between my ex-husbands house and mine and trying to get stuff done around the house and with work
Still falling into same patterns with alcoholic ex-fiancee and he continues to spiral out of control and likely has been using drugs
Tonight my kids left for my ex husband's for the weekend. I usually get to see them at their sports but they are not playing this summer .
Crying and depressed. Just asking for prayers.
Also, on top of normal work stress, there was a problem with my work scheduling that my boss initially thought was my fault and then figured it out, but I was supposed to be off today and yesterday but had to work partial days which was annoying
Busy shuttling kids to and from drivers ed and between my ex-husbands house and mine and trying to get stuff done around the house and with work
Still falling into same patterns with alcoholic ex-fiancee and he continues to spiral out of control and likely has been using drugs
Tonight my kids left for my ex husband's for the weekend. I usually get to see them at their sports but they are not playing this summer .
Crying and depressed. Just asking for prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
He just threw me down the stairs
Yeah, so I took him back again after the millionth time of him disappearing and messing up and he just threw a full drink at me and threw me down the stairs after cussing me out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I have been working so hard to move on and let him go. Therapy weekly for 90 minutes with abused persons program, yoga, time with family and friends, reading about relationships and codependent behavior, eating healthy, taking care of my hair and nails and wearing make up to take more pride in myself, helping others .
It's still a struggle. I let him suck me back in (his mom is in hospital fighting for her life, he is depressed about spending the holidays alone, he is upset that his birthday is Friday and he doesn't want to be alone)
I know I need him out of my life for good.
I pray for strength for myself and all of you out there who are struggling
It's still a struggle. I let him suck me back in (his mom is in hospital fighting for her life, he is depressed about spending the holidays alone, he is upset that his birthday is Friday and he doesn't want to be alone)
I know I need him out of my life for good.
I pray for strength for myself and all of you out there who are struggling
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
If he doesn’t want to be alone, perhaps he shouldn’t be throwing the one person who keeps taking him in down the stairs?
As we wind down this very long year, I hope and pray that 2018 will be different for you and you will find your footing at last.
As we wind down this very long year, I hope and pray that 2018 will be different for you and you will find your footing at last.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OT4kids.....domestic violence gets worse, over time....just like alcoholism gets progressively worse over time......it you don't get him out of your life...there will be a next time.
Down the steps---could result in a cervical neck injury...which could leave you paralyzed for the rest of your life...(and, would h e be there to take care of you?).......or a serious head injury which could render you unable to care for your children or work....or even worse...leave your children motherless....
Please, seriously consider the life altering facts about continuing with this man....
Come on....Ot4kids....! Millions of people have or have had seriously ill, hospitalized parents....and, we don't get a pass for throwing someone down the stairs.....
I have spent Thanksgiving alone...due to unalterable circumstances...and so have millions of others...but we didn't get to abuse others...and throw beverages into other's faces and toss their body down the stairs....
Stop giving excuses for his criminal behavior....You need to realize how cruel and wrong that this is...and that he has no right....
I am glad if you are attending abused persons therapy....keep it up....
Down the steps---could result in a cervical neck injury...which could leave you paralyzed for the rest of your life...(and, would h e be there to take care of you?).......or a serious head injury which could render you unable to care for your children or work....or even worse...leave your children motherless....
Please, seriously consider the life altering facts about continuing with this man....
Come on....Ot4kids....! Millions of people have or have had seriously ill, hospitalized parents....and, we don't get a pass for throwing someone down the stairs.....
I have spent Thanksgiving alone...due to unalterable circumstances...and so have millions of others...but we didn't get to abuse others...and throw beverages into other's faces and toss their body down the stairs....
Stop giving excuses for his criminal behavior....You need to realize how cruel and wrong that this is...and that he has no right....
I am glad if you are attending abused persons therapy....keep it up....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,000
So glad to hear that you are doing work on yourself OT. Keep it up.
Sorry you took him back but then you do seem to have this codie thing in a bad way. I'm sure you would like to be able to walk away and stay away.
Keep working towards that no-contact. For most of us it was the only way.
Peace and courage to you beautiful one.
Sorry you took him back but then you do seem to have this codie thing in a bad way. I'm sure you would like to be able to walk away and stay away.
Keep working towards that no-contact. For most of us it was the only way.
Peace and courage to you beautiful one.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if nothing changes, one day you will be the mother in the hospital...or worse. can you possibly transfer whatever compassion you feel for this abusive monster, and aim it towards your own children? every time you let him back, you endanger their lives, their memories, their future. every time you let him back, you risk taking their mother away from them. if you can't put you first, can you put THEM first?????
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