Need support still
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Call again. Even if you don't get the exact same person, they care and will do their best to help.
Remember, too, that you can call 911. I know you didn't like the hold last time, but if you need the help you need the help. And they will be able to get you direct, practical help more quickly than anyone else.
Remember, too, that you can call 911. I know you didn't like the hold last time, but if you need the help you need the help. And they will be able to get you direct, practical help more quickly than anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by OT4Kids 
I got on the chat again but don't feel any better. tired and stressed about all the work I need to do and can't focus on, sad cause I feel hopeless
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I too hope you reach out and see a doctor at a hospital. We are here, cheering you on. Life gets overwhelming, but you can do this. You are worth it, no matter what it takes.
HUGE HUGS. Please keep us posted!
HUGE HUGS. Please keep us posted!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
Hi OT.
I was not going to register for this site anytime soon; felt comfortable/ content just reading. But your post resonated with me so much I had to share this with you - every time I check in there are over 500+ people reading this section and the one on family of substance abusers. It is heartbreaking to know there are so many of us out there. Really hope you are okay and getting the support you need. I have been where you are, and while there are still so many struggles it has been worthwhile and beautiful to hang on. Wishing you so much happiness, because you deserve it! Hugs.
I was not going to register for this site anytime soon; felt comfortable/ content just reading. But your post resonated with me so much I had to share this with you - every time I check in there are over 500+ people reading this section and the one on family of substance abusers. It is heartbreaking to know there are so many of us out there. Really hope you are okay and getting the support you need. I have been where you are, and while there are still so many struggles it has been worthwhile and beautiful to hang on. Wishing you so much happiness, because you deserve it! Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hey, OT. Just checking in and wishing you a lifting of your worries and hurts.
I don't know if it'll help, OT, but when I was feeling like you have been, it felt dark. It felt so dark and I couldn't sleep. It felt dark, and the darkness felt like a physical presence. I think in mining, the mass of rock above the digging area is called a "hanging wall". That's what my hurt and hopelessness felt like to me, a mass of heaviness hanging down and on all sides. Turning on the lights didn't help push it back. What helped a little was closing my eyes, and 'seeing' my hands cupped in front of me, holding a small flame. Trying to keep that flame going kept me focused on something else for a short while, and gave me a little bit of light.
Sending you ((((hugs)))) and wishing you light.
I don't know if it'll help, OT, but when I was feeling like you have been, it felt dark. It felt so dark and I couldn't sleep. It felt dark, and the darkness felt like a physical presence. I think in mining, the mass of rock above the digging area is called a "hanging wall". That's what my hurt and hopelessness felt like to me, a mass of heaviness hanging down and on all sides. Turning on the lights didn't help push it back. What helped a little was closing my eyes, and 'seeing' my hands cupped in front of me, holding a small flame. Trying to keep that flame going kept me focused on something else for a short while, and gave me a little bit of light.
Sending you ((((hugs)))) and wishing you light.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Thank you all for your support. I am still alive. talked to psychiatrist. last night ex came home. we were good for a little while. then got in an argument . He punched me, slapped me across the face twice, pushed me down,threw a drink at me and cursed me out. says he is moving out of town tonight and I will never see him again
what did I do? cry, beg him to stay,
he has been sleeping all day
i fixed him a nice brunch
i would be better off going to sleep and not waking up
what did I do? cry, beg him to stay,
he has been sleeping all day
i fixed him a nice brunch
i would be better off going to sleep and not waking up
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You break my heart, OT. It seems that you would rather be beaten than to live life on your own and allow yourself the opportunity to be loved and respected and cherished by someone who is capable of being a loving partner to you. You are, as always, in my constant prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I know Seren. I don't understand it either. I know something is wrong with me. I am continuing to seek help. I truly don't want to feel this pain. I don't know why I keep doing the same thing over and over. I really am a good person. Otherwise intelligent, except for when it comes to him. Somehow I have just lost myself
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OT4kids.....it must feel very confusing and frightening within yourself, at this moment, I would imagine.....
He was very abusive to you...that is wrong...it is always wrong....
It is not your fault...you don't deserve such treatment....it is totally unacceptable....
I urge you to call the local domestic violence center and speak to a worker, there....They will understand.....and, I think that just talking to them will help you feel better and more grounded....they can offer you help and support...you really need to talk to another empathetic human being, right now....
Will your children be with their father this weekend? It might be better if they were gone for the weekend.....for them and for you....
If he gives you any trouble this evening, don't hesitate to call the police....and DO speak to the DV center...they can help you to stay safe....they can help you decide what to do next.....
OT----call them, now.
Please keep us informed as you can.....
He was very abusive to you...that is wrong...it is always wrong....
It is not your fault...you don't deserve such treatment....it is totally unacceptable....
I urge you to call the local domestic violence center and speak to a worker, there....They will understand.....and, I think that just talking to them will help you feel better and more grounded....they can offer you help and support...you really need to talk to another empathetic human being, right now....
Will your children be with their father this weekend? It might be better if they were gone for the weekend.....for them and for you....
If he gives you any trouble this evening, don't hesitate to call the police....and DO speak to the DV center...they can help you to stay safe....they can help you decide what to do next.....
OT----call them, now.
Please keep us informed as you can.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I am SO glad you wrote.
I'm heartbroken that you opened your heart and home to your ex and he stomped all over that yet again. As much as you want him to save you, he's too broken to do that.
When I was in college, I had a bout of major depression. I thought of suicide every single day for three months. I thought of the ways I would do it. I thought of the ways they would find me. I withdrew from everyone and everything.
One day, my two closest college friends got together and told me I had become unbearable and I needed to snap out of it. They didn't tell me to go to therapy, but they did tell me that I had become unlikeable. As you can surmise, that wasn't very helpful at all. I had to reach out to others to help me, (including old friends) and they got me through.
I was embarrassed and humiliated that the two people who I thought were closest to me acted in the way they did. In hindsight, I can see they had their own brokenness, but at the moment, their statement just amplified the humiliation and shame I felt for being depressed in the first place. It took me a long time to see what others were telling me, that these two women were incapable of stepping in as actual friends. It took me a long time to actually get angry for what they said. And I wonder how long it will take for you to find that anger for yourself.
He cannot help you, but his inability to help you is NOT a reflection of your own self-worth or value.
Please go to the hospital and talk to somebody.
I'm heartbroken that you opened your heart and home to your ex and he stomped all over that yet again. As much as you want him to save you, he's too broken to do that.
When I was in college, I had a bout of major depression. I thought of suicide every single day for three months. I thought of the ways I would do it. I thought of the ways they would find me. I withdrew from everyone and everything.
One day, my two closest college friends got together and told me I had become unbearable and I needed to snap out of it. They didn't tell me to go to therapy, but they did tell me that I had become unlikeable. As you can surmise, that wasn't very helpful at all. I had to reach out to others to help me, (including old friends) and they got me through.
I was embarrassed and humiliated that the two people who I thought were closest to me acted in the way they did. In hindsight, I can see they had their own brokenness, but at the moment, their statement just amplified the humiliation and shame I felt for being depressed in the first place. It took me a long time to see what others were telling me, that these two women were incapable of stepping in as actual friends. It took me a long time to actually get angry for what they said. And I wonder how long it will take for you to find that anger for yourself.
He cannot help you, but his inability to help you is NOT a reflection of your own self-worth or value.
Please go to the hospital and talk to somebody.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I have suffered from depression twice in my life and was place on AntiD's both times. Mild doses, but enough to help.
You deserve all the gentle kindness, light and life this world has to offer, OT. You remain in my prayers!
You deserve all the gentle kindness, light and life this world has to offer, OT. You remain in my prayers!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
Oh OT
You are still in the very dark place. I am so sorry to hear it. Last night must have been frightening, and terribly painful. I'm sorry for everything that's brought you to this. I know you are still trapped down in the bottom of this and can't see your way out.
Not a lot of wisdom here except to say I have faith in the courage of those that came before, and lived the nightmare for years. In their stories I find a slow untangling of mangled lives, and eventually a sore and tired but exuberant freedom.
I wish it for you - cling to any little rays of sunshine that peek in.
Hope the kids are doing well.
Irnldy
You are still in the very dark place. I am so sorry to hear it. Last night must have been frightening, and terribly painful. I'm sorry for everything that's brought you to this. I know you are still trapped down in the bottom of this and can't see your way out.
Not a lot of wisdom here except to say I have faith in the courage of those that came before, and lived the nightmare for years. In their stories I find a slow untangling of mangled lives, and eventually a sore and tired but exuberant freedom.
I wish it for you - cling to any little rays of sunshine that peek in.
Hope the kids are doing well.
Irnldy
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