Finding a secret message in a necklace from my deceased mother
 

My mother was an alcoholic. The worst kind. She did eventually quit drinking and got her 36 year medal in AA. Even tho she quit drinking, the crazy acting never stopped.

I will spare you the details since all of you know what life is like with an alcoholic. But, all my life I loved her. I longed for her to love me. My sister 10 yrs younger than me, left and hated her. Talked terrible about her.

I did manage to move a couple hours away from mom. I wanted to be closer and hope for some kind of relationship where she was accepting of me and I of her. We did have a strained relationship. I was the one strained. But, I loved her. I wanted her.

November 4th she passed away suddenly. I was devastated. But I thank God the last words she heard me say were, "I love you mom".
Here it is half a year later and I still struggle with going through her things. Tonight I found a necklace with a little prayer box. I held my breath as I opened the box and read the prayer. It said, "That Mary (my sister) and her children (her grandchildren) would love her."
They never did.
This really tears me up. This hurt my mother so much, that my sister left her and never wanted anything to do with her.
My sister and mother never made up. This little prayer in that little box just breaks my heart so much.
I know that my mother is half to blame if not mostly to blame. But, we are all adults.
Alanon taught me, "let it begin with me". I am the one that reached out to my mother first after years of abuse.
I am thankful I did. No matter how bad a parent is, knowing you did the right thing is what will carry you through their death.
My sister does not want anything to do with me either. So I let it go.
It's just so unbelievably sad how alcohol destroys everything and everyone around it.

((((hugs))))

You should be very proud that you reached out. I have an alcoholic mother, it is not easy. But I feel the same as you. Just because a person has one flaw, doesn't mean the rest of them is a throw -away. A mother is a mother.

I have a brother who is very similar to your sister. Does not visit at holidays.

We cannot change these people. We can only learn lessons from them.

And I know that your mother loved you. <3

:grouphug:

That is heartbreaking. But think of how truly blessed she must have felt to have your love and support.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad that you made peace with your mom before she died, SB.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I think the relationship between you and your sister and your mother have many different components. First, there is a rather large age difference between you and your sister. Second, you lived closer to your mother then your sister did.

I know siblings of various ages who grew up in homes with alcoholic parents and each one of them have very different views on their life growing up with their parents drinking. Some of them found al-anon or AcoA (adult children of alcoholics) groups and have worked through issues. Some hold onto resentment and anger allowing that to corrode away at their own happiness in life. Some have buried it deep inside and wish to never speak about it.

AS much as it may hurt, accepting that your sister has chosen a different path in life then you did, may help you find some peace with that.

yes it is sad, sb. You show growth and awareness in your words....I am 4th gen. alcie on my dad's side. Do I blame him, blames his dad- until when??? Forgiveness is not about the other person sometimes...it is the way we find to accept, let go and move on.
Addiction sucks..big time.

As a mother who is not the alcoholic who has children who have choosen to disown me since I divorced exah, I'd never leave a note like that in case they found it. I feel like their lives were blighted enough without carrying a whole load of guilt after my death over how they reacted to me and how they threw me away. It's hurtful but I keep it to myself. I am very sorry for your loss and glad you could be close before she passed (((hugs))