Kicking My Daughter Out June 30....
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 10
Kicking My Daughter Out June 30....
I decided the end of the month my daughter has to leave. She will be living with her boyfriend in his parents basement. Someone stole half of my xanax pills for anxiety and I believe it was her. My husband stopped taking the antabuse and is back drinking. His buddy works a different shift and he now must ride a mountain bike 4 miles each way. He recently got a ticket for being drunk on a bike coming home from work. I guess the police have nothing better to do. I'm preparing for his first court date and have high hopes that it will be dismissed before it goes to trial. Our lawyer found a very serious error that the arresting officers made in the paper work & in the "probable cause" to pull him over. I was tempted to take the breathayzer ($75 a month) off our minivan but can't trust my husband not to drive. just decided to check in. thanks you for reading.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
roses, I find it incredibly painful and difficult to read this post. My stepfather sexually, emotionally and physically abused me, yet it was me who was removed from the home for being a "bad influence" during my senior year of high school and sent to live w/my father 150 miles away. When I graduated high school, like your daughter, I left my father's home to live w/the family of my then-boyfriend. That was the beginning of years of desperate seeking for love and acceptance, and only now, at 56 years old, am I beginning to learn how to love and accept myself.
I pray that somehow your daughter is spared the fear, anger and pain that were a part of my life for so many years. I pray that she learns to forgive herself and love herself and to understand that she was doing the best she could at the time.
And I pray that you find a way to forgive yourself and to make amends to her (if she is even willing to hear you, knowing that you chose AH over her) if you ever fully realize what you have done to her.
I pray that somehow your daughter is spared the fear, anger and pain that were a part of my life for so many years. I pray that she learns to forgive herself and love herself and to understand that she was doing the best she could at the time.
And I pray that you find a way to forgive yourself and to make amends to her (if she is even willing to hear you, knowing that you chose AH over her) if you ever fully realize what you have done to her.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
when faced with the choice of protecting your child or standing by your reckless irresponsible drunk of a husband, you choose to huck the kid out the door. you HOPE his court case gets dismissed, altho he has returned to drinking AND got another ticket for operating a bicycle while intoxicated COMING HOME FROM WORK.
it sounds like getting away from both of you IS best for your daughter. i hope her bf's parents have some empathy and compassion, since she isn't getting any from her primary caregivers and guardians. i pray for your other minor children who are trapped in this nightmare.
it sounds like getting away from both of you IS best for your daughter. i hope her bf's parents have some empathy and compassion, since she isn't getting any from her primary caregivers and guardians. i pray for your other minor children who are trapped in this nightmare.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
Well, your husband sure isn't helping his case by getting a ticket for biking drunk.
Your comment about the police having nothing better to do is very troubling, though. A drunk bicyclist can hurt or kill someone, or himself, in an accident too, you know.
I echo the hopes that your daughter is finding a better environment with her boyfriend's family, and also the sadness about your other children living through this hell.
I hope one day, sooner than later, you will understand how much they (and you) are being harmed, wake up from your denial, and get free from the abyss of living with an alcoholic.
You keep posting here, so you seem to understand at least on some level that this is not normal or healthy. I understand not wanting to dig deeper - I too felt stuck and scared of the alternative for a long time. But eventually, like the saying goes, the pain of staying the same became greater than the pain of changing, so I started changing.
But things with your husband ARE NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. All you can do is save yourself and your children.
Your comment about the police having nothing better to do is very troubling, though. A drunk bicyclist can hurt or kill someone, or himself, in an accident too, you know.
I echo the hopes that your daughter is finding a better environment with her boyfriend's family, and also the sadness about your other children living through this hell.
I hope one day, sooner than later, you will understand how much they (and you) are being harmed, wake up from your denial, and get free from the abyss of living with an alcoholic.
You keep posting here, so you seem to understand at least on some level that this is not normal or healthy. I understand not wanting to dig deeper - I too felt stuck and scared of the alternative for a long time. But eventually, like the saying goes, the pain of staying the same became greater than the pain of changing, so I started changing.
But things with your husband ARE NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. All you can do is save yourself and your children.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Originally Posted by honeypig 
roses, I find it incredibly painful and difficult to read this post. My stepfather sexually, emotionally and physically abused me, yet it was me who was removed from the home for being a "bad influence" during my senior year of high school and sent to live w/my father 150 miles away.
Getting back to the OP, though, please look at your home environment and make sure you know what you are doing. I think people here have stated some fairly harsh opinions, but you need to take them to heart. What are you protecting, exactly?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Maybe your daughter is an insufferable teenage twit with a verbally abusive mouth. Maybe it IS too late for your daughter, and she's going to get her comeuppance when she realizes what life is like in the real world. It's probably all these things and more besides.
But I also think that she's a reminder to you of the price you paid by addressing your husband's needs over your children's. It shouldn't be a competition, and in a fair and just world, addressing your husband's needs would be the same as taking care of the children. But this is not a fair and just world, and the sooner you admit that the better off you'll be.
Let's presume that she did steal half your Xanax. Why do you get the Xanax and she doesn't? Until the end of this month, you're both living under the same roof. Your husband and her father are the same person, and I bet he's a real handful with 6 DUIs (or seven) under his belt. Heck, _I_ would want the Xanax if he was my dad.
I'll be very blunt here - why does he get your compassion and she doesn't? Because he's the warm body in your bed and she isn't? Why does his behavior get excused - because he's the paycheck and you don't want to go back to work? He's not going to be a provider much longer with this behavior - and I do hope you're lining up your duckies in a row for that possibility.
The graduation party - was it actually for her? Or was it an excuse for the adults to drink until the sun came down? Couldn't the adults suck it up and deal if there wasn't any alcohol at the party, knowing that minors were going to be there too? Or were they going to complain that it wasn't fair that they couldn't drink because a few people - namely the GUEST OF HONOR and her DAD- had problems with the stuff? Were you afraid of the pushback if alcohol wasn't served?
I have a feeling that you're looking at all these posts and wondering why all these internet strangers are being so mean to you. That they don't understand your situation, your husband, or your daughter so how dare they criticize you for your behavior. But many of us have been in your shoes. Many of us had the truth screaming at us in the face but we refused to acknowledge it. Many of us bent over backwards to maintain the fantasy that if it wasn't for the alcohol/pot/heroin whatever then everything would be OK. We forgot that our loved ones CHOSE the alcohol and everything else to fry their brains into oblivion. We forgot that our loved ones REFUSED to see any other way, even as we tried desperately to point out the alternatives.
There is a price to pay for that fantasy. Your daughter is paying that price right now even though you don't want to see it. You probably wish that she could hold it together just like you do, but you two are actually two sides of the same coin. She is the anger and you are the denial in a household led by an alcoholic. And a household led by an alcoholic is merely a house of cards.
You can end this fantasy right now. You can take charge, look at the future squarely in the face and command it to bring it on - the financial challenges, the personal challenges, the family challenges, all of it. Or you can continue to maintain this charade that everything is all right with your husband in charge, and wait for your house of cards to collapse.
It is up to you, and I wish you luck.
But I also think that she's a reminder to you of the price you paid by addressing your husband's needs over your children's. It shouldn't be a competition, and in a fair and just world, addressing your husband's needs would be the same as taking care of the children. But this is not a fair and just world, and the sooner you admit that the better off you'll be.
Let's presume that she did steal half your Xanax. Why do you get the Xanax and she doesn't? Until the end of this month, you're both living under the same roof. Your husband and her father are the same person, and I bet he's a real handful with 6 DUIs (or seven) under his belt. Heck, _I_ would want the Xanax if he was my dad.
I'll be very blunt here - why does he get your compassion and she doesn't? Because he's the warm body in your bed and she isn't? Why does his behavior get excused - because he's the paycheck and you don't want to go back to work? He's not going to be a provider much longer with this behavior - and I do hope you're lining up your duckies in a row for that possibility.
The graduation party - was it actually for her? Or was it an excuse for the adults to drink until the sun came down? Couldn't the adults suck it up and deal if there wasn't any alcohol at the party, knowing that minors were going to be there too? Or were they going to complain that it wasn't fair that they couldn't drink because a few people - namely the GUEST OF HONOR and her DAD- had problems with the stuff? Were you afraid of the pushback if alcohol wasn't served?
I have a feeling that you're looking at all these posts and wondering why all these internet strangers are being so mean to you. That they don't understand your situation, your husband, or your daughter so how dare they criticize you for your behavior. But many of us have been in your shoes. Many of us had the truth screaming at us in the face but we refused to acknowledge it. Many of us bent over backwards to maintain the fantasy that if it wasn't for the alcohol/pot/heroin whatever then everything would be OK. We forgot that our loved ones CHOSE the alcohol and everything else to fry their brains into oblivion. We forgot that our loved ones REFUSED to see any other way, even as we tried desperately to point out the alternatives.
There is a price to pay for that fantasy. Your daughter is paying that price right now even though you don't want to see it. You probably wish that she could hold it together just like you do, but you two are actually two sides of the same coin. She is the anger and you are the denial in a household led by an alcoholic. And a household led by an alcoholic is merely a house of cards.
You can end this fantasy right now. You can take charge, look at the future squarely in the face and command it to bring it on - the financial challenges, the personal challenges, the family challenges, all of it. Or you can continue to maintain this charade that everything is all right with your husband in charge, and wait for your house of cards to collapse.
It is up to you, and I wish you luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
is this the same husband that recently had his 6th DUI? has he been sentenced for that yet? the popo have nothing better to do- then to serve and protect the public. doesnt matter if it gets thrown out- he was drunk AGAIN.
rosesarered, PLEASE reread your own posts. i truly hope you can see YOUR serious disfunction and insanity in them.
one way to know if someone is insane:
they dont run around thinking or saying they are.
do you think YOU might be insane?
rosesarered, PLEASE reread your own posts. i truly hope you can see YOUR serious disfunction and insanity in them.
one way to know if someone is insane:
they dont run around thinking or saying they are.
do you think YOU might be insane?
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
We try very hard to keep trolls out but we have a couple that keep coming in with new IP numbers. It takes a little time to sort it out. This is one of them. I'm sorry if the posts caused you discomfort. I'm going to close this now.
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