SaveYourHeart

Hey y'all! I had my first therapy session last night and I feel really good about it. We went through a lot of my issues and she seemed really excited to work with me on them. We discussed my body image issues, anxiety, lack of passion for life, etc. She brought up some work we can do on my coping mechanisms and not getting my hopes up for things that are out of my control. We talked a good bit about AH and how I feel about his actions and how I react to them. One of the biggest things that I forget that I can do is tell him that I don't want to talk about something and stand my ground.

Example: AH and I have polar opposite views on gay rights, abortion and organ donation (which is funny because when we were dating our views were exactly the same and then he changed his mind). Whether he's drunk or not, he likes to push these topics and it ends up in a big stupid fight because he pushes and pushes and pushes and then I choose to explode. Instead of engaging, she asked me to tell him that I don't WANT to talk about it and if he persists to remove myself from the situation - which never seemed like an option before.

It just goes to show how deeply I've shoved my needs and wants into the ground because even expressing them seems taboo to me. So I have a lot to work on, but I'm glad that I found this therapist and that she seems to be a good match for me. I'm hopeful that this is the first step in making some genuine changes in my quality of life.

PhoenixJ

BRILLIANT! I find counselling good- my guy is a professionally paid listener. With guidance- but it helps to talk it out, unpack stuff...

SaveYourHeart

I was surprised how someone who didn't know me at all could make me feel so much better in an hour. I think mostly because she can see the issues so clearly when I clearly can't. I'm really excited

honeypig

I think it's probably like coming here and reading about what alcoholics do. There are very few "special snowflakes"; most of them fall more or less into the same patterns, and so folks here can be pretty accurate in predicting what someone's A will do or say even though they don't "know" the A personally.

Therapists, I would imagine, can see those patterns in us much more easily and quickly b/c we aren't really such "special snowflakes", either--we tend to fall our own patterns, just like the A's do.

So even though she may not "know you", in a long-term personal sense, I suspect she does very much "know you", in the sense of a pattern that she sees with some regularity.

Do you feel better knowing you're not alone?

aliciagr

Its a great step you just took.

Working with a therapist helped me a lot. Just like you were saying we discussed all of my feelings and what was weighing on me. Helping me work on my own coping mechanisms, ways to handle anxiety was really great, and it helped a lot in communication with my husband (who was not doing too great at that time). I think what my therapist did extremely well was to not bring in drama, preconceived ideas, or bias. There wasnt really a right or wrong. Its hard to explain but when I started I was very confused and having trouble knowing what steps forward to take. The Dr. never told me how to proceed, but would ask questions, or give me little pointers ( like yours did), and I think it also helped me reconcile with myself. If I had negative feelings then I would look at why. The experience was powerful and made me feel good because I realized sure I was bogged down with some things that were going on in my life, but this happens. And with just a little guidance, I had the ability to work through it.

I hope all your future sessions go just as well.

SaveYourHeart

honeypig - I do feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone, this site has helped me more than anything see that there are others who are going through and feeling the same things I'm feeling. She also brought up the point that I'm isolated, my family all moved away and all my friends are pretty much single and don't understand. I struggle with feeling alone a lot, but y'all have really helped me push through that fog!

Alicia - I think the big thing is coping for me, I had a fantastic childhood and never had to worry about a thing, now that I'm dumped in adulthood, I don't know how to deal with the hurt in a way that doesn't hurt me more. The thing I really like about her is that I can tell she wants to help me, that this isn't just a source of income for her, she wants to help me feel better in myself. That's the most important thing for me is to find the me that I lost.

aliciagr

That is exactly what happened with me too. My childhood was great, and I had a good network of friends and family. THEN my husband and I moved. His addiction kicked up, and I was all alone, trying to cope with behaviors and problems I was no way prepared for. I had lost my way and myself in the turmoil, came to a point where I didnt trust myself. But you know one thing Ive learned is that I did take a lot away from my solid upbringing, and I had a good foundation. I just had to get back to it. Im still working on things but I feel much better than I did.

SaveYourHeart

Thank you for sharing, I didn't know how to put it into words but you did so perfectly, "I came to a point where I didn't trust myself". It's the strangest feeling. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better than you did before! <3