Husband In Detox And Scared Of Court
 

My husband was admitted yesterday for detox. The doctor told me his BAC was a .35 and he was in bad shape. He has a fatty liver that is getting worse. I'm hoping this will be his wake up call. My daughters high school graduation party was a disaster. My husband got into a fight with my brother-in-law over money from a inheritance 10 years ago. My daughters best friend was drunk and caught stealing beers from the adults cooler. I believe my husband is terrified over the upcoming court date. It will be the "discovery" phase. He is facing a minimum 18 months in prison up to 5 years or so. His lawyer is urging him to immediately go into a rehab after detox. Even after all the consequences and mayhem he's caused I'm not sure if he's ready. It just defies common sense.:headbange

Sending YOU some peace and comfort in the middle of a whole lot of chaos. :grouphug:

Doesn't seem to be much you can do about his issues.

What are you doing to protect your own interests? Whether he goes to prison or not, seems like there's a good chance you'll wind up on your own, one way or another.

ETA: What are you doing about your DAUGHTER's alcohol problem? That, at least, is something you legitimately can (and should) be dealing with.

I'm not sure if he's ready.

oh i think the bus passed READY years ago. drinking is having a serious ripple effect not just with your husband careening down the road intoxicated and dangerous, but also now your own child and her best friend. it is a very direct connection. and it is now damaging young lives.

rehab is not a "get out of jail free" card. nor does it erase what happened.

Alcoholism truly does defy logic and common sense. Hopefully he will choose rehab and give it all he's got, because that is the only way to succeed. In the meantime, please know that you are not alone. There are resources available for people who wish to access them, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I urge you to reach out to those who have been there and have come out the other side. Take care of YOU, your children, and your husband will find his way. Sending strength to you :-)

I would be more worried about your daughter than him. She needs help. He's a grown man who can sort himself out. If he chooses to carry on drinking that his problem. If he goes to prison it will give you a breathing space to get life on a better track.

He should probably follow the advice of the attorney, but do some research on the rehabs because there are a lot of differences. I think that is when it gets to the level of addiction, It defies common sense, logic because truly the brain is affected.

How did you daughter feel about her Best Friend doing all that? Do you think she drinks with her outside of your home?

Guys; it says "my daughter's FRIEND was drunk....." Just an FYI

Hi max,

In an earlier thread, rose discusses her own daughters drinking at a wild party. So yes, she is sadly dealing with both husband and child...

Rose, I am so sorry you are going through all this! Keep reaching out!

Her previous posts mentioned that her daughter was also dabbling with drinking. And this will be her husbands 6th DUI. I think that is where the focus on her daughter to be utmost important comes from.

i hope you decided to put the 2 most important people first- you and your daughter- and let the adult take care of his own mess.

common sense and active alcoholism is...umm. an oxymoron? there aint no common sense in active alcoholism.
an alcoholic doesnt have to be drinking to be suffering from active alcoholism.

He should be terrified. I would be more terrified if he were to be allowed to continue driving. He's going to kill someone or himself.

Alcohol wasn't a good idea for the party, but you knew that. I hope that you're looking into al-anon to help yourself and are taking steps to protect yourself and your family.

Folks, let's not be judgemental. This person needs our support. I cannot imagine the stress of all of this.

Sending you hugs. I hope you are able to get some much needed R&R in between all of this stress sometimes and remember to put your daughter and your needs as a high priority.

I didn't mean my comment to sound judgmental, so if it did, I apologize! Sending you hugs Roses, I know this is really hard for you and your family!

My daughter will be 18 this summer and plans on moving in with her boyfriend who is 21 and lives in his parents basement. As far as I'm concerned, she is on her own and can drink if she wants. Technically, she is an adult. I have 3 other kids to worry about and a sick husband. If my husband is sent to prison I will be on my own to pay a mortgage and support 3 kids. Prisons are designed to house dangerous violent criminals. On the other hand, I do not believe that my husband should ever drive again. The State has revoked his license for mandatory life. What more can they do than that?

And he chose to drive regardless of that fact and he chose to drive drunk.

Send him to prison for continually ignoring the law. Laws set forth to keep everyone safe on the roads.

I am sorry you are now realizing the severity of his continued drunken actions and how that is going to affect the entire family. I think maybe selling your home, down sizing to something you can afford or go into an apartment. Check with your state on what financial aid may be available to your kids and prepare as best you can for him to be in prison.

Prisons are designed to house dangerous violent criminals

Prisons have four major purposes. These purposes are retribution, incapacitation, deterrence and rehabilitation. Prisons are used to house those who have sentences of longer than one year.

i understand you are worried about managing on your own. however what interest has your husband demonstrated that he a) wants to change b) has any true concern for the damage he has done to his family and c) will NEVER drink again?

his drinking isn't a recent event. i believe you said his FIRST DUI was 1995. has anything effectively DETERRED him to date?

Sending support your way. I cant imagine how stressful this must be for you right now. Try to take care of yourself as best you can while this plays out.

What outcome are you hoping for? I understand he has been to rehab numerous times. Not trying to be snarky, just trying to figure out what you think the solution to be.

If he's been to rehab multiple times and the only reason he would go this time at the urging of his lawyer is to 'look good' to the court. But after 6 DUI's he will most likely get the maximum which could be pretty hefty. So instead of stressing over that, you may want to just plan on your immediate future no matter what he's up to. Sounds like you'll have quite a few years that you won't have him or his $ support. I hope you have emotional support coming from somewhere during all this. (besides this forum who cares, of course)