Update/recently separated
 

Well the alcoholism progressed, as it always does. I was done with even pretending we had a marriage anymore and refused to even pick him up from the hospital (his 2nd attempt at in home detox lead to seizures again). He's been living at his parents for over 2 months now. Things have been rough financially, but they were before because he hasn't held a steady job in well over a year. Some people are often surprised at my ability to trudge onward with determination, not seeming crushed by the separation and impending divorce...they didn't see me during our marriage, before my recovery from codependency. I was already doing most things on my own due to his alcoholism and firehouse style of coping (his focus was on work and work alone so that he could continue his drinking when he wasn't working...until he couldn't even do that).
I cannot tell you how many times I've been labeled a "cold B@#$%". OOOOOSHHH, people really don't know the whole story, so I get it, it didn't stop it from hurting though. I don't try to convince anyone of anything anymore, not worth it. In the 2+ months of separation I've come to realize the father of my wonderful sons is not the person I can live out the rest of my days with anymore, sober or not. I can forgive the man. I will never forget the pain and all the anxiety I experienced. I will never forget the sleepless nights of wondering if "this" time he'll completely snap and become physically violent (anyone who has looked in the blind anger kind of eyes of another human knows that look and I've gotten it too many times). I will never forget the secrets and lies all things he blamed on his drinking. Most of all, I will never fully trust this man again regardless of his sobriety or not....too much, too long.
I hope to find time to post again and comment on other's posts!

Thanks for posting, Hiker. Good to hear from you.

Keep moving forward.

"I cannot tell you how many times I've been labeled a "cold B@#$%". OOOOOSHHH, people really don't know the whole story, so I get it, it didn't stop it from hurting though. "

Dear HikerLady
One component of the blame happens when the addict does not own their own "stuff." It gets projected onto someone else. Sometimes their family blames the partner for the spouse's drinking!

I am glad you are here with us. Most of us understand what you are going through. Keep coming back!!!!

Hiker- you are the reason I learn from these posts. In many ways- I was that guy. My ex. told me when we last met at divorce mediation (where I agreed to everything she asked for and indicated I hope we all can just move on and heal) said to me she forgives me for all the crap, but the trust is gone and she will never forget. I get that- by reading these posts. So the whole point of all of that was to provide a little credibility for my share- but also to tell you that you are certainly not alone- and your decision is to be applauded and you are doing well, by my growing awareness.