Yesterday I f&cked up
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You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to acknowledge, to yourself, that sleeping with him was a mistake. You don't COMPOUND that mistake by creating further opportunities for it to happen.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He said he wants to go see couple of rehabs and choose the ones which are comfortable. He is going to do that tomorrow.
And tomorrow never comes does it Ituvia???
You don’t owe him a dam thing but you certainly owe yourself something, it’s called self-respect!
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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I have no expectations of him going to rehab or following a program. I think this is his pre-rock bottom phase. He was supposed to meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow at 10 but phoned and said he drank way too much and couldn't sleep due to his heart beating so fast.
He showed me his ECG when he visited that night and all his vitals are off the charts. It seems incredibly stupid to continue to drink even at this point. F*cking idiot.
He showed me his ECG when he visited that night and all his vitals are off the charts. It seems incredibly stupid to continue to drink even at this point. F*cking idiot.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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I know, right? Why the hell does a rehab need to be comfortable? He says he needs a comfortable bed to sleep on and that's it. We do have some shady looking ones in our country, I'll give you that but still. It's as if he is Charlie sheen or Lindsay lohan checking out betty ford centre. :/
Originally Posted by atalose 
Comfortable???/ hahahahahahaha
And tomorrow never comes does it Ituvia???
You don’t owe him a dam thing but you certainly owe yourself something, it’s called self-respect!
And tomorrow never comes does it Ituvia???
You don’t owe him a dam thing but you certainly owe yourself something, it’s called self-respect!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by dandylion
Ituvia.....I think that, way down deep, you DO know "why you called him and slept with him".....
From where I sit...it looks like it was for the quick gratification and the immediate "feel good"...
Not unlike that first drink that the alcoholic reaches for....that immediate feeling of relief and pleasure.....even, though it will be the eventual thing that will/can destroy him.....
Just like that alcoholic voice that is inside the mind of the alcoholic, 24/7....that says, "do it...do it..."........Codependents have the same kind of voice that whispers to them...."do it...do it...it will feel good".......
From where I sit...it looks like it was for the quick gratification and the immediate "feel good"...
Not unlike that first drink that the alcoholic reaches for....that immediate feeling of relief and pleasure.....even, though it will be the eventual thing that will/can destroy him.....
Just like that alcoholic voice that is inside the mind of the alcoholic, 24/7....that says, "do it...do it..."........Codependents have the same kind of voice that whispers to them...."do it...do it...it will feel good".......
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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You didn't **** up, you relapsed. IMHO it's exactly the same thing as when an alcoholic attempting sobriety decides to drink even though alcohol is poison to them and makes their lives worse. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME and yes, I'm guilty of doing it too as are many people on this forum.
The goal now is to not kick yourself but, instead, learn from it. Also, trying to kick the "I love an alcoholic habit" without help, is just like an alcoholic trying to quit drinking with force of will-- with very, very, very, very, very, very rare exceptions it's impossible. You need help, and help for you could be Al-Anon, Counseling, Religion/Spiritual Practice if that's your thing, or a combination of all which is what I suggest.
Don't kick yourself, but do something different in order to help yourself. He's not going to change for you or because of you. He may never change, but if he does he'll do it for him or it won't work-- it never does. What is absolutely true is this is him now and that's what you are dealing with. Nobody sane dates potential or "when he's sober he's the best.... blah, blah, blah" -- they date who they are dating today because today is where we live. The rest is just Pollyanna-ish and unrealistic.
Save yourself. Focus on yourself. Get help.
My two cents.
Cyranoak
The goal now is to not kick yourself but, instead, learn from it. Also, trying to kick the "I love an alcoholic habit" without help, is just like an alcoholic trying to quit drinking with force of will-- with very, very, very, very, very, very rare exceptions it's impossible. You need help, and help for you could be Al-Anon, Counseling, Religion/Spiritual Practice if that's your thing, or a combination of all which is what I suggest.
Don't kick yourself, but do something different in order to help yourself. He's not going to change for you or because of you. He may never change, but if he does he'll do it for him or it won't work-- it never does. What is absolutely true is this is him now and that's what you are dealing with. Nobody sane dates potential or "when he's sober he's the best.... blah, blah, blah" -- they date who they are dating today because today is where we live. The rest is just Pollyanna-ish and unrealistic.
Save yourself. Focus on yourself. Get help.
My two cents.
Cyranoak
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Are you his only audience now? Have all his other friends had enough so now he’s circled back again to you? Now he is pulling out the props, an ECG and it worked. He sucked you back in with sympathy and compassion and worry over him. Where’s his worry over you? Where’s his worry and concern over you possibly getting evicted? Where’s his worry and concern about how his self-absorbed behavior affecting you?
As I said above – tomorrow never comes does it? No, just more excuses from him that you will find plausible.
I agree with Sparklekitty, don’t assign him to a pre-rock bottom or any other phase, you will surely be disappointed once again by this person.
It’s as if his “rock bottom” is your last ditch effort for a re-start on this entire toxic relationship. Like you can’t wait for it to come so that he’ll see his evil ways and turn into the person you had hoped he could be all along.
When does your therapist come back, when is your next appointment? How is the reading coming along about Codependency and Stockholm syndrome?
As I said above – tomorrow never comes does it? No, just more excuses from him that you will find plausible.
I agree with Sparklekitty, don’t assign him to a pre-rock bottom or any other phase, you will surely be disappointed once again by this person.
It’s as if his “rock bottom” is your last ditch effort for a re-start on this entire toxic relationship. Like you can’t wait for it to come so that he’ll see his evil ways and turn into the person you had hoped he could be all along.
When does your therapist come back, when is your next appointment? How is the reading coming along about Codependency and Stockholm syndrome?
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I also caution you to think he will even hit rock bottom. It's a phrase that I think is total BS. Addiction ebbs and flows, gets better, gets horrible, but never goes away without OWNING IT while not blaming anyone or blaming anything else, and dedication every single day forever. Not many are willing to give that commitment.
For some that means years and years of sustaining it until their health leads them to this misery that can continue for years. For others, death. For very few, rock bottom.
Just some caution about that sort of thinking as one thinks it cannot get any worse than it has, and boom, they start all over again.
You don't have to participate in watching him do this to himself or to you. You are not obligated.
For some that means years and years of sustaining it until their health leads them to this misery that can continue for years. For others, death. For very few, rock bottom.
Just some caution about that sort of thinking as one thinks it cannot get any worse than it has, and boom, they start all over again.
You don't have to participate in watching him do this to himself or to you. You are not obligated.
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My therapist is there but I am having money troubles this month. I have to buy a car so I am saving up. I will be going to him after my pay day.
Yes, tomorrow never comes. He overslept and didn't meet his psychiatrist today. I am not surprised. I kind of anticipated this.
Yes, tomorrow never comes. He overslept and didn't meet his psychiatrist today. I am not surprised. I kind of anticipated this.
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Originally Posted by Ituvia
He overslept and didn't meet his psychiatrist today. I am not surprised. I kind of anticipated this.
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So why are you continuing contact with him, that you happen to know he overslept and didn't make his appointment?
You are working your way back to square one--you need to stop looking, stop talking, stop texting or anything else.
You are working your way back to square one--you need to stop looking, stop talking, stop texting or anything else.
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I have asked him not to come home. Since I slept with him, I feel awkward now to block him on the phone again.
You made a mistake. There's nothing wrong with texting him with his message. "Last night was a mistake. Now I have thought about it, it's become clear to me that I need to be with someone who is sober for at least one year. You are not. "
You say that he has to want sobriety. Why didn't he sign up for a rehab BEFORE he saw you? Admit to yourself that you were flattered by the notion that he thought of rehab because of YOU. It is an extremely powerful thought to think that we have control over somebody's life.
But even if he signed up for rehab because of you, it probably won't do him much good. Because he isn't wanting sobriety for himself, he will want it to keep you, and that is an extremely flattering thought for him. "I did all these awful things to her, and all I have to do is avoid being drunk so she can stay with me."
I don't know if you realize it, but that's such a low bar for a relationship. It's like saying "Oh, he breathes. So even though he emotionally abused me and god knows what else, I'll stay with him."
He's blaming his new job for ruining relationship and isn't taking any responsibility for what HE did. That is a big red warning sign right there.
You told him not to come home. Make that message clear and block him.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
I would be careful about assigning him to a "pre-rock bottom" or any other kind of phase. You'd be surprised how deep some addict's bottoms can get.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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He overslept and didn't meet his psychiatrist today. I am not surprised. I kind of anticipated this.
You are no longer a victim in this situation you are a volunteer. Your therapist has told you that, many of us here have told you that and I’m sure your friends have told you that. You are responsible for your own pain that you continue to welcome in. I really hope that you can pull some money together and make a much needed appointment with your therapist soon.
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