Repulsion
 

The sound of a beer can cracking open. Stumbling feet heading towards me. Vodka stench coming closer as you try to kiss me. Growling of your voice as you try to convince me I'm the dissapointment. Those eyes peering with drunken lust.
All I can do is shudder. The hairs of my neck stand up, senses overloaded.

Not tonight, my love. Not tonight.

I remember that feeling. Yuck.

The red face and eyes. Swearing and screaming. Being afraid and scared.

I hated all of these.

Repulsed is an excellent reference for sure.

Walking into the house fearing what you'll find.

That moment when you recognize the glazed "look", realize how long you've been seeing it, and now its worse than ever.

And the incomprehensible disappointment when you go upstairs to put the kiddo to bed and they're passed out on the couch again with the TV blaring. We used to be a family... what happened???

Yech. That feeling of "why am I living this life?".

I remember it well.... gross

My axh would hit the corner of the bed when he was drunk and would come to bed in the middle of the night. I hated it as he would wake me up.

So grateful I will never have that happen to me again.

Ugg, I remember that all too well. The peace after escaping a mess like that is like no other. <3

Ugg yes. It was so lonely to be there.

It has been a long time but I have not forgotten.

Even now several years after leaving XAH, I still love going to bed and to sleep on my own. One of my first purchases after moving out was a big, comfortable queen-size bed with a frame that felt like a castle and a huge duvet. I had no expectations of ever sharing a bed with anyone again (although I did eventually, quite happily :) ), and I wanted to be able to enjoy my nights.

I can completely relate to you. It is so nice being able to have a good night of sleep in a nice CLEAN bed without having someone hanging around the house drunk and feeling that knot of anxiety in the stomach; dreading that he will open the door and start ranting or screaming. Praying that he passes out in the living room.
I had so many anxiety riddled sleepless night back then. I could never live like that again.
I love my rest and my sleep.

Stomach turning.....

##shudder##

eww. this is my life right now. I wish I could sleep in a CLEAN bed too:( .... for now I'm sleeping in my daughter's twin with her. repulsive is the best word to describe this feeling. so sad.