The most important thing you need to know about life, according to Buddhism
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The most important thing you need to know about life, according to Buddhism
I subscribe to the newsletter of a meditation site called Wildmind (link here if interested Wildmind Buddhist Meditation ). The latest one has been sitting in my inbox for some time, waiting for me to get enough time to sit down and actually pay attention instead of just skimming. I'm glad I hung on to it, b/c I found the following article very useful. Thought I'd share it here for others to consider also.
Arguably the central teaching of Buddhism, without which the others make no sense, is that things change.
While “things change” may seem like a commonplace observation, made by dozens (at least) of philosophers and religious teachers over the last few millennia, the Buddha wasn’t content simply to pay lip-service to the concept of impermanence, but followed through the implications of this fact as far as he possibly could.
He saw our resistance to change as the source of our suffering. He talked about this resistance in terms of clinging — a desperate attempt to hold onto stability in the flowing river of time.
Clinging sometimes manifests as expectation — we want something to happen in a particular way, and we suffer when it doesn’t. This can result in huge amounts of suffering, when for example we have unrequited love (expecting the other person to reciprocate our feelings when they don’t), or when we get depressed when life doesn’t turn out the way we’d expected it to. Expectation can also work in much smaller ways, though, as when we get frustrated when we want the traffic or supermarket checkout line to move faster than it does.
One of the implications of impermanence is that things are changing in dependence on things that are also changing. The movements of traffic depend on the weather, on road conditions, on the number of people on the road, the individual mental states of drivers, and so on. Life is complex, and largely out of our control.
And so one way we can become happier is to recognize when we have expectations, and to let go of them. To give you an example from my own life, I’d often feel frustrated when my kids (who are still fairly young) take longer than I expect to do things I want them to do, like get ready to go out. I used to end up getting annoyed with them, and sometimes yelling. Now I’m more likely to see that I have an expectation that’s going to make me suffer, and to let go of it. Taking a deep breath, letting go, and accepting that I can’t control my children helps me to be more at ease when we’re getting ready to go someplace.
We can also let go of expectations that we won’t age or get sick, that the weather will cooperate with our plans, that our possessions will last forever without breaking, and so on.
While the fact of things changing can seem like a problem that we have to manage, it’s also a blessing. We’re capable of change. We may have habits that cause suffering for us and others around us, but we can unlearn those habits. And we can learn new ways of being. We can learn to be wiser, kinder, more patient, and so on. There’s nothing about us that is so fixed that it can’t change.
The Buddha’s teachings emphasized how the mind can progressively change in ways that allow us greater happiness and freedom. Without getting too technical, he outlined several lists of progressive mental states leading to the complete freedom from suffering that’s called Awakening or nirvana.
When we resist change, it’s a curse. When we accept change, it’s simply a fact. When we use change as a tool, it’s a blessing.
Arguably the central teaching of Buddhism, without which the others make no sense, is that things change.
While “things change” may seem like a commonplace observation, made by dozens (at least) of philosophers and religious teachers over the last few millennia, the Buddha wasn’t content simply to pay lip-service to the concept of impermanence, but followed through the implications of this fact as far as he possibly could.
He saw our resistance to change as the source of our suffering. He talked about this resistance in terms of clinging — a desperate attempt to hold onto stability in the flowing river of time.
Clinging sometimes manifests as expectation — we want something to happen in a particular way, and we suffer when it doesn’t. This can result in huge amounts of suffering, when for example we have unrequited love (expecting the other person to reciprocate our feelings when they don’t), or when we get depressed when life doesn’t turn out the way we’d expected it to. Expectation can also work in much smaller ways, though, as when we get frustrated when we want the traffic or supermarket checkout line to move faster than it does.
One of the implications of impermanence is that things are changing in dependence on things that are also changing. The movements of traffic depend on the weather, on road conditions, on the number of people on the road, the individual mental states of drivers, and so on. Life is complex, and largely out of our control.
And so one way we can become happier is to recognize when we have expectations, and to let go of them. To give you an example from my own life, I’d often feel frustrated when my kids (who are still fairly young) take longer than I expect to do things I want them to do, like get ready to go out. I used to end up getting annoyed with them, and sometimes yelling. Now I’m more likely to see that I have an expectation that’s going to make me suffer, and to let go of it. Taking a deep breath, letting go, and accepting that I can’t control my children helps me to be more at ease when we’re getting ready to go someplace.
We can also let go of expectations that we won’t age or get sick, that the weather will cooperate with our plans, that our possessions will last forever without breaking, and so on.
While the fact of things changing can seem like a problem that we have to manage, it’s also a blessing. We’re capable of change. We may have habits that cause suffering for us and others around us, but we can unlearn those habits. And we can learn new ways of being. We can learn to be wiser, kinder, more patient, and so on. There’s nothing about us that is so fixed that it can’t change.
The Buddha’s teachings emphasized how the mind can progressively change in ways that allow us greater happiness and freedom. Without getting too technical, he outlined several lists of progressive mental states leading to the complete freedom from suffering that’s called Awakening or nirvana.
When we resist change, it’s a curse. When we accept change, it’s simply a fact. When we use change as a tool, it’s a blessing.
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We’re capable of change. We may have habits that cause suffering for us and others around us, but we can unlearn those habits. And we can learn new ways of being. We can learn to be wiser, kinder, more patient, and so on. There’s nothing about us that is so fixed that it can’t change.
Thanks a lot! I have to work on this.
But if I can see this, why doesn't my al alcoholic hb realize this? This feeling of helplessness and grief is suffocating me.
Thanks a lot! I have to work on this.
But if I can see this, why doesn't my al alcoholic hb realize this? This feeling of helplessness and grief is suffocating me.
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
"we want something to happen in a particular way, and we suffer when it doesn’t. This can result in huge amounts of suffering, when for example we have unrequited love (expecting the other person to reciprocate our feelings when they don’t)"
When change is met with love, what the writer calls letting go of expectations, the world transforms into a welcoming place. This is indeed one of the koans of Buddhism, that by recognizing that nothing is within our control, everything becomes a cooperative element on our path.
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A woman I know with 38 years of sobriety says: "Life only sucks one day at a time." Part of the recovery process is to stop acting out on painful feelings because they will pass. Previously I thought everything was a big deal because I didn't have the perspective. Now (sometimes) I can just accept pain, knowing it will change. Thanks for the beautiful post!
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LOVE this; great post!
I have been reading a lot of Mike (m1k3)'s old posts because he had such a beautiful blended view of recovery, mixing Buddhism in with Al-Anon & Star Wars...
I really miss him around here.
Lately, the whole "the secret of Life is LIVING IT" part of his philosophy is sticking with me & I am examining it more closely. AM I Living or Existing?
I have been reading a lot of Mike (m1k3)'s old posts because he had such a beautiful blended view of recovery, mixing Buddhism in with Al-Anon & Star Wars...
I really miss him around here.Lately, the whole "the secret of Life is LIVING IT" part of his philosophy is sticking with me & I am examining it more closely. AM I Living or Existing?
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This was one of the first threads I read on SR.
Thanks Honey.
Surrender to change as you surrender to the fact that you're an addict.
Similar process, similar results. The Buddha might even be your higher power.
Thanks Honey.
Surrender to change as you surrender to the fact that you're an addict.
Similar process, similar results. The Buddha might even be your higher power.
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