Ladybird579

6 weeks post rehab. It was nice while it lasted. My son went to exah house today and tried to get him to open the door but he never answered. Then he went around all exah haunts in town and noone had seen him for weeks. I was in already in town so I messaged him to come to me and he did.

My old boss and a friend talked to him. I think they got through where I have not been able too. He came home happier and tonight he said he knows his dad is a grown man and he not going to go chasing all over town looking for him again. We discussed the likelihood his dad may die and what he wanted to do if that happens. Then we had cake.

Yesterday he went rock climbing with kids his own age and on a cookery course. He was more bothered chatting to his new friends on facebook tonight. He also go a chance to learn the sound desk at venue in town. Am really hoping his life is getting interesting enough to distract him from his dad.

firebolt

I'm really really glad you can discuss this all so frankly with your son.

Hang in there!

Forward12

I think it's time to keep him in safe arms, rather than forcing a child to a toxic environment,..

LexieCat

Her son is an adult, and he's voluntarily spending time with his dad. Sounds like he's starting to come around to understanding the downsides of that.

LexieCat

Lb, I think it's great, too, that your son can talk to you about it. He's gradually seeing the reality of the situation.

You're an awesome mom.

honeypig

Ladybird, I think this quote might ring true for you:

The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself. -- Augustine of Hippo

Bekindalways

^^^^^ Love this Honeypig

And Ladybird I love that your son has cake, goes climbing and takes a cookery class . . . . sounds like a definition of anti-codependency.

Ladybird579

Thanks for all you replies. Love the lion quote Honeypig. Well things have changed. EXah resurfaced long enough to tell my son some truly whopping lies even by his standards. My son went to see some people I know who deal with alcohol and drug addictions and he had a long chat with them. He came home very quiet and subdued but phoned his dad and asked to have a meeting with him. Dad quacked he couldn't see him cos it was raining ( he was actually drunk) but my son insisted ( I had no idea any of this happened cos he told me later) and went off to see him.

The upshot was he told exah he doesn't not want him in his life while he is drinking. He is sick of his lies. Exah started on that he'd been in hospital and told his liver and pancreas was failing and that was why he was ill. He showed my son where a cannula had been in his arm to "prove it"

Son stood his ground and pointed out it was his drinking that had caused this. EXah then admitted he has NEVER stopped drinking......not ever. Not even in rehab. I think he was trying to shock my son but my son just calmly said "Your choice but I've made mine. Bye." and walked away.

honeypig

WOW, ladybird! The truth really IS like a lion, isn't it? Sounds like your son has some lion-like qualities of his own...

Sasha1972

Wow. Your son is amazing - setting healthy boundaries, not getting drawn into quacking and counter-quacking. Great job, Mom!

LexieCat

What a terrific kid you've raised--you should be very proud and happy.

Ladybird579

Thank you. I am proud of him. He's great.

Ap052183

Wow. Came here to say your son is amazing. I am not sure his age but that is some really mature behavior on his part. Good job!