Powerless Over Obsession
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 30
Powerless Over Obsession
Hi all,
I received an observation from a friend in the program who pointed out my extreme obsession with my son (the Alcoholic) and his life and all his activities, after a blow out with my patient, loving, supportive partner. My partner had reached a breaking point with my delusions about my son and his bottomless needs.
I took inventory of these obsessive thoughts and actions over a 24 hour period. I journaled about the rescuing impulses, what I might have done (internet searches, buying helpful items for the nearly homeless alcoholic). Instead, I listened to meetings on line, read literature and prayed for my son, cooked a nice dinner and watered my garden.
I reached a bottom with my disease this weekend, when I realized it was infecting yet another of my romantic relationships. I'm told loving an alcoholic is lonely and I must not weigh down my partner with the minutia of my son's chaos. I know this means being in program, which I resist powerfully.
I resist it because I think I can do it on my own and that I don't want to hear negative horrible stories of dead children with the disease. But I know that to save myself and my wonderful life, I must embrace the program and know I'm powerless over my obsession and with my higher power I can find my way to freedom.
Today I'm going to focus on my life and let God handle my son and his problems.
Thank you for allowing my to share.
I received an observation from a friend in the program who pointed out my extreme obsession with my son (the Alcoholic) and his life and all his activities, after a blow out with my patient, loving, supportive partner. My partner had reached a breaking point with my delusions about my son and his bottomless needs.
I took inventory of these obsessive thoughts and actions over a 24 hour period. I journaled about the rescuing impulses, what I might have done (internet searches, buying helpful items for the nearly homeless alcoholic). Instead, I listened to meetings on line, read literature and prayed for my son, cooked a nice dinner and watered my garden.
I reached a bottom with my disease this weekend, when I realized it was infecting yet another of my romantic relationships. I'm told loving an alcoholic is lonely and I must not weigh down my partner with the minutia of my son's chaos. I know this means being in program, which I resist powerfully.
I resist it because I think I can do it on my own and that I don't want to hear negative horrible stories of dead children with the disease. But I know that to save myself and my wonderful life, I must embrace the program and know I'm powerless over my obsession and with my higher power I can find my way to freedom.
Today I'm going to focus on my life and let God handle my son and his problems.
Thank you for allowing my to share.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
Welcome to SR! I also have a son with substance abuse problems. I know how hard it is. Thankfully Al-Anon has given me some valuable tools to use in my dealings with him. Do I stil fail sometimes? Sure I do but I quickly see where I've messed up. It's a program of progress, not perfection.
It's been awhile since I've experienced the crippling fear and anxiety over the situation and for that I am thankful. Keep posting!
It's been awhile since I've experienced the crippling fear and anxiety over the situation and for that I am thankful. Keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Welcome! I myself am an alcoholic but I completely understand the rescue complex. Several of my friends are active "problem drinkers" i.e. alcoholics who wont admit it/have issues with the label.
For some people it's enough to say "can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped", but that's never enough for me. it sounds like you have a good handle on it though; I'm impressed with your self-awareness. It's so hard to watch loved ones make the same mistakes over and over, and still remain baffled by this disease. When your son is ready, he will seek help. In the meantime, you have to live your life too! :-)
For some people it's enough to say "can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped", but that's never enough for me. it sounds like you have a good handle on it though; I'm impressed with your self-awareness. It's so hard to watch loved ones make the same mistakes over and over, and still remain baffled by this disease. When your son is ready, he will seek help. In the meantime, you have to live your life too! :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear art machine
Very well and wisely said.
I am forced to see the codependent disease process in myself time and time again. I also suffer from periodic bouts of "White knucklin" it, which for us Codie's is the struggle against jumping in the rescue soup with an addict.
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Very well and wisely said.
I am forced to see the codependent disease process in myself time and time again. I also suffer from periodic bouts of "White knucklin" it, which for us Codie's is the struggle against jumping in the rescue soup with an addict.
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 13
Good for you! Recognizing these tendencies is the first step.
I think the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Loving someone with addiction is a challenge, and comes from a place of care! Loving is definitely a strength. But I don't think love is supposed to hurt... and when it begins to negatively affect your life, it's time to take stock and make some changes. Which it sounds like you are doing.
Be kind to yourself and keep putting your health and well-being first. Congrats on becoming aware, and much love ❤️
I think the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Loving someone with addiction is a challenge, and comes from a place of care! Loving is definitely a strength. But I don't think love is supposed to hurt... and when it begins to negatively affect your life, it's time to take stock and make some changes. Which it sounds like you are doing.
Be kind to yourself and keep putting your health and well-being first. Congrats on becoming aware, and much love ❤️
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 30
Working it
Yes, I'm self aware but actually sticking with this program and having a sponsor, doing the steps and regular meetings becomes so heavy, I dodge out only to come back wounded and seeking solace.
I've got almost 20 years of program from my 2 ex's but never made enough time to celebrate a birthday, but I do feel like when it's your child, the disease can take you out.
I have a life worth saving and a son worth loving. Thank you so much for your supportive comments, it's made me want to "keep coming back".
I've got almost 20 years of program from my 2 ex's but never made enough time to celebrate a birthday, but I do feel like when it's your child, the disease can take you out.
I have a life worth saving and a son worth loving. Thank you so much for your supportive comments, it's made me want to "keep coming back".
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