Possibly OT - interesting conversation about anger with a friend
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Possibly OT - interesting conversation about anger with a friend
Thought this might be of interest to some people here:
A couple of days ago I was chatting with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. He's not an addict, but lots of his friends and relatives are. He told me that for a long time he couldn't really name his emotions, except for anger. He didn't understand any other emotions (grief, anxiety, fear, longing, etc). To him, it was all anger. And in his family and community of origin, there were two ways to deal with anger (for men) - either you went out and found someone to beat the crap out of, or you got so drunk that you didn't feel anything (or both). He said it wasn't until he started to realize (with the help of a therapist), "okay, I'm worried about xyz" or "I'm really sad about abc" - naming and understanding other emotions - that he could change his own behavior.
I know addiction is a lot more complicated than just emotional literacy. But the way he talked about it ("I feel angry, therefore I'm going to drink or pick a fight", without having the knowledge to recognize that maybe it's not actually anger he's feeling) helped me to understand how some people get started on these destructive and self-perpetuating paths.
A couple of days ago I was chatting with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. He's not an addict, but lots of his friends and relatives are. He told me that for a long time he couldn't really name his emotions, except for anger. He didn't understand any other emotions (grief, anxiety, fear, longing, etc). To him, it was all anger. And in his family and community of origin, there were two ways to deal with anger (for men) - either you went out and found someone to beat the crap out of, or you got so drunk that you didn't feel anything (or both). He said it wasn't until he started to realize (with the help of a therapist), "okay, I'm worried about xyz" or "I'm really sad about abc" - naming and understanding other emotions - that he could change his own behavior.
I know addiction is a lot more complicated than just emotional literacy. But the way he talked about it ("I feel angry, therefore I'm going to drink or pick a fight", without having the knowledge to recognize that maybe it's not actually anger he's feeling) helped me to understand how some people get started on these destructive and self-perpetuating paths.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Sasha translating almost any negative emotion into anger sounds so unhealthy. I wonder how long the males of his community live because I'm sure it would eat you up.
I reminded me of when I was drinking. Any bodily stress like thirst, hunger, tension, tiredness translates as the need for alcohol . When quitting it was important to me to understand I could kill a craving by dealing with my needs.
I reminded me of when I was drinking. Any bodily stress like thirst, hunger, tension, tiredness translates as the need for alcohol . When quitting it was important to me to understand I could kill a craving by dealing with my needs.
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