Obsessed with Aa need help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
Obsessed with Aa need help
So I am in the program have more than two years!! I love what the program has done for me and it truly is amazing. I'm dating a wonderful women who is also in the program for 3+ years. we met at a party and really connected. We've been together for a little over year n six months.
She is really involved in AA and I think that's great but I feel like she's obsessed with it recently. Sometimes she will just babble on and on about it and I'm literally just mhhming and smiling and nodding. We have a great relationship but I feel like it's all she ever talks about!!!! Over and over it's like a broken record. It's been a more recent obsession, early on in our relationship I don't feel like she was so obsessed. Idk
I just don't know how to talk to her about it or what to do. It seriously gets so annoying!!
Any help or guidance would be awesome!!
Thank you
She is really involved in AA and I think that's great but I feel like she's obsessed with it recently. Sometimes she will just babble on and on about it and I'm literally just mhhming and smiling and nodding. We have a great relationship but I feel like it's all she ever talks about!!!! Over and over it's like a broken record. It's been a more recent obsession, early on in our relationship I don't feel like she was so obsessed. Idk
I just don't know how to talk to her about it or what to do. It seriously gets so annoying!!
Any help or guidance would be awesome!!
Thank you
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome! Congrats on your sobriety--I've got 8 years, myself.
I don't know what might have caused the recent "obsession"--I do know people for whom AA is the main focus of their lives. Maybe something has recently gotten her excited about it. I would find it tiring, myself, to be subjected to constant conversation about it.
Have you tried talking to her about it? It's not so different from someone who gets obsessed with any other interest. It's usually pretty boring to someone without the same level of obsession. Could be it's just a passing enthusiasm based on new people she's met or a group that is especially exciting. I'd try talking to her about the fact that you'd like to talk about other things, too, and maybe gently suggest she may not be aware of the fact that other people--even the grateful recovered--like to talk about other things, too. If she gets overly defensive or hostile, well, it's like any other aspect of someone's personality that might make them a less than desirable partner, and you might want to step away from the relationship. OTOH, maybe she doesn't realize how off-putting her behavior has become and she'll make an effort to change it.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Doesn't hurt to try. It could be that despite her good qualities, you want something more from a partner.
I don't know what might have caused the recent "obsession"--I do know people for whom AA is the main focus of their lives. Maybe something has recently gotten her excited about it. I would find it tiring, myself, to be subjected to constant conversation about it.
Have you tried talking to her about it? It's not so different from someone who gets obsessed with any other interest. It's usually pretty boring to someone without the same level of obsession. Could be it's just a passing enthusiasm based on new people she's met or a group that is especially exciting. I'd try talking to her about the fact that you'd like to talk about other things, too, and maybe gently suggest she may not be aware of the fact that other people--even the grateful recovered--like to talk about other things, too. If she gets overly defensive or hostile, well, it's like any other aspect of someone's personality that might make them a less than desirable partner, and you might want to step away from the relationship. OTOH, maybe she doesn't realize how off-putting her behavior has become and she'll make an effort to change it.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Doesn't hurt to try. It could be that despite her good qualities, you want something more from a partner.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Definitely talk to her about it. It would be the same if she constantly talked about work....talking at you instead of having a conversation about an interest or subject you both share. Perhaps add some non-recovery activities to your life, like hiking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad youre here,flipped!!
im another one that suggests talking to her about it.
i have seen, and had it happen to myself, is people changing addictions- alcohol for AA. working THE program brings balance. balance is something that is mentioned early on in the big book:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
one thing i strongly encourage is wording it so it doesnt sound like youre attacking. how to do that, can be difficult and,imo, best to ask your HP to guide ya.
it might be wise to read the chapter" the family afterwards" and "working with others"
although i will say im glad to be reading this is problem and not a problem with a GF,BF, husband, or wife that drank again, so it is somewhat a good problem to have.
p.s.
i also suggest doing an inventory on yourself- find causes and conditions on why this bothers you.
im another one that suggests talking to her about it.
i have seen, and had it happen to myself, is people changing addictions- alcohol for AA. working THE program brings balance. balance is something that is mentioned early on in the big book:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
one thing i strongly encourage is wording it so it doesnt sound like youre attacking. how to do that, can be difficult and,imo, best to ask your HP to guide ya.
it might be wise to read the chapter" the family afterwards" and "working with others"
although i will say im glad to be reading this is problem and not a problem with a GF,BF, husband, or wife that drank again, so it is somewhat a good problem to have.
p.s.
i also suggest doing an inventory on yourself- find causes and conditions on why this bothers you.
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