Update
 

I said in another post I was going to split up with my boyfriend and one of the reasons I stated was cos it was like being with an alcoholic without the alcohol. Too much drama and this niggling feeling I was not seeing red flags cos he was hiding them. Yes he was great in many ways but I was waiting for the hammer to fall.

I went to Europe to see him as I planned to end things and we had a booze fuelled ( in his case) split talk on the camp site our first night there. It didn't go well. Then my tent got rained out and I nearly died of hypothermia and had nowhere to go cos he was too drunk to answer my text for help and I didn't know anyone else at that point. A foil blanket saved the day. The next day we were both calm ( I was still frozen) and decided to see out the holiday and discuss break up at the end. It went well up to a point...the point where he got absolutely hammered and stood screaming in my face that I was a b***h over and over and to eff off over and over and I had issues and no wonder no one wanted me cos I was rubbish at relationships ( projection or what? ) at the top of his voice just cos I asked him to help me untwist a tent flap toggle in the dark while he was "partying" with a tent full of fellow drunks a few yards away.

I left him screaming and went to bed cos nothing he was saying was anything I wanted to hear and arguing back wasn't an option. I was tired and cold and wanted to sleep. I'd have given a lotto win for one of my cats there that night. The next day when I took him to task over his behaviour he said I had such an imagination making it all up and didn't believe he had done anything. I said he was gaslighting me and I would never lie about something like that. He went off across to his friend's tent grumbling over what I had accused him of saying they all confirmed he nearly got punched the night before over the way he had spoken to me and yes it had happened. Several hundred campers were witnesses. He went quiet but then decided it was a conspiracy cos one of the campers liked me ( non drinker and very nice and made me remember how good it is to feel appreciated for myself but he lives thousand of miles from me and I doubt we'll ever meet again) In some strange way I think exbf was hoping people would look down on me as this timid little woman who puts up with anything to keep him lol but it backfired on him cos he was the one who got shunned and we broke up for good after that night. Most of the drinkers there were not abusive. Abuse is a separate issue and they were shocked at his outburst.

He's still denying it. I knew it tho. ...I knew give him enough time something would come out cos my radar told me so and it did. So on one hand am pleased cos by now I'd have been married if it was the old me but on the other I am annoyed at the wasted 2 years of my life and emotional energy. I dodged a bullet this time. He's gone and am back home with my cats :)

Your cats will aways love you and they never drink.

You're well out of that and in a way, he did you a favor. Print out your post or save it to your phone in case you ever wobble on him.

Enjoy the peace and quiet and I hope you've warmed up!

empathy and support to you.

Wow, and to think I was trying to talk you into moving to another country with him--this is the first I've heard about this side of him.

I'm glad you're safe (and warm again) and also that you had people backing you up.

Good riddance to him!!

-this is the first I've heard about this side of him.

He kept it well hidden. He's very good at controlling his environment and smoothing things over if things go wrong. He reads people very well and could head things off when he noticed I wasn't happy and always has the right words but I knew that side of him was there. He would tell me he loved me when he knew he'd annoyed me and it seemed contrived to me. Sort of appeasing me. All I had to do was thwart him. In this case refused to go and get wasted with him and have the audacity to ask for help with the tent. Say no and watch them go lol.

The people backing me up was heart warming. I'd have been scared if we were by ourselves.

So glad this is all in the past for you now - enjoy the peace :)

Wow! He makes the kitties look pretty darn good.
Dodged a bullet there, Ladybird.
Peace.

Lb,
So what are you doing for you my friend? Self care!!

Now, be kind to YOU, and don't talk to him anymore! He is an alcoholic jerk, nothing more.

Lb,
So what are you doing for you my friend? Self care!!

Am fine actually. Am impressed I worked it out without him revealing himself first and I am home now and getting on with my life. I have my old voluntary job back and have reconnected with old friends. I am going camping with some of them in July and at the end of June we are getting a new kitty. She's a tabby kitten and absolutely adorable. I realise I am turning into a crazy cat lady but I love cats and have room for one or two more :) Much nicer than men in mo lol

LB....I have two cats and two dogs! Love them all!