AH is spiraling downward
 

As all of you predicted and as I knew deep down, my AH made it all of maybe 4 weeks sober. He has now lost his job and currently has been sleeping for 5 days, getting up only enough time to drink and/or go get his drugs or Whatever it is he is doing. I have not spoken to him. I have talked to a lawyer that I like just need to fork up the money and get the process rolling. I haven't felt this content in years!! Anyway I do feel bad for leaving someone when they are at their worst. I could use some affirmation on that. Also his mom has tried to get a hold of him (I contacted her last time if you remember, so she is aware somewhat of situation). Anyway she can't reach him and texted me today. She is going to come again tomorrow but I am seriously tapped out. I don't want to get involved. I feel like I have given him my assistance for long enough. Confused on how to handle her and this situation.

Thanks in advance!

well, it's not really mom's job to fix him any more than it is yours. he's an adult human not a defective auto part we return to the factory. so - let her deal with this situation with her son as she sees fit. as long as that does not require ANYTHING from you. like you said, you're tapped out.

you aren't leaving HIM at HIS worst, you are saving yourself before you get to YOUR worst. being the spouse of an addict is impairing, diminishing, depleting. you can't stop him.....you CAN save yourself more misery.

Don't feel badly for leaving him. He is an adult, not a 7 year old child.

He knows what to do; he just doesn't want to do it. None of it, however, has anything to do with you.

He's not likely to get any better, that's for sure. Trust me, you aren't leaving him at his "worst"--that's yet to come, I suspect. You're getting while the getting is good, and that's exactly the time to do it. It will only get harder if you wait and he spirals further.

It's good that you have recognized that it's time to go. You dont need to handle mom in law. It's really between them.
Time and distance will bring clarity, promise.
Peace.

So what good is it doing him having you there? I say this kindly b/c I know it's hurtful.

If a person is going to spiral, they will do so with our without you. He is showing that right now.

Hugs to you. I hope you have a face to face support network as well.

Can you just split for the weekend? Go see a friend, go camping, anything to get the hill out of Dodge. If you don't want to be there, don't be there.

And yeah, you aren't leaving him at his worst, you are leaving so he doesn't drag you down with him. You have a right to a great life!

It sounds like he made the decision to drink and to head into this downward spiral. You leaving is a consequence of his own actions, not something bad that you're doing to him.

I am so happy for you that you have found contentment! That alone is reason enough to keep going for it. Your AH doesn't want to stop or get help. It's very sad to watch someone stepping on the gas with the brick wall in front of them, but as others have echoed, he has made the choice. I use to feel stuck when I turned my back on my Abf bc I would think in my mind "how can I leave someone who is sick?", but then I realized that he had the power to treat his illness but chose not to. That part is always a choice. Once they are in the thick of a binge I truly don't think they can be reasoned with. I don't know his history but if you have been by his side and helping and he is showing no signs of recovery, you have done all you can. It's sad. And it's normal to hurt and feel guilty (alanon and a therapist can help with that). I've been there and am still there. Getting rolling on the divorce may be the best thing you do for both of you. Stay, and you both go down. Leave, and least one person gets out alive (you). **hugs**