New here..AH just got out of treatment and drinking already
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by imaj79 
FallenAngelina - There is only one beginner group in my town that is at a time of day that I am able to attend and they said that we were supposed to attend the 6 weeks of the beginner class before moving on to a different class.
My A also has no intentions for recovery and has never been to an AA meeting in 40 years of drinking. He's a different animal than someone who is in and out of recovery/rehab, but loving an alcoholic is loving an alcoholic - and that is the one and only requirement of Al-Anon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 133
Originally Posted by imaj79
So today, I flat-out asked him if he wanted to stop drinking. He said yes and then he said well I want to cut back and he said he didn't think he could ever totally quit. He said he didn't want to go back to how much he used to drink because he is feeling better . But I can't help but feel that it will only be a matter of time until that happens again. So now I have that nice tidbit to chew on. I told him that I was very worried about his liver and he said that he is not worried about it....uggg.
Not worried about his liver? That's just denial.
It's a crazy cycle. You will never be able to talk sense into him. I've tried (we've all tried) and you'll just get exhausted of having the same conversations over & over & over & over. . . . .
Hugs to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 42
I haven't been back to update, but long story short, nothing much has changed. There have been good days and bad days. Today is a bad day and I just feel so lost. Today feels like deja vu from before he went into treatment. Today is one of those days where I'm like yep I'm done, but I just feel so spineless and I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs....etc. I don't know where I am going with this, guess I just needed to vent.
On a better note I opened up to a friend today that is a recovering A and it made me feel a lot better.
On a better note I opened up to a friend today that is a recovering A and it made me feel a lot better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs
so then do some footwork, research, planning. knowledge is power. planning is power. you are NOT spineless, nor helpless.....you just need a machete and someone to point you towards true north so you can hack your way out of the jungle.
so then do some footwork, research, planning. knowledge is power. planning is power. you are NOT spineless, nor helpless.....you just need a machete and someone to point you towards true north so you can hack your way out of the jungle.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs
so then do some footwork, research, planning. knowledge is power. planning is power. you are NOT spineless, nor helpless.....you just need a machete and someone to point you towards true north so you can hack your way out of the jungle.
so then do some footwork, research, planning. knowledge is power. planning is power. you are NOT spineless, nor helpless.....you just need a machete and someone to point you towards true north so you can hack your way out of the jungle.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Legal advice is a good idea. You are feeling overwhelmed because you are doing everything, with little or no help from your partner.
You can change this. Not today, or tomorrow, but you can.
Get some advice, just put one foot in front of the other.
You do not have to live like this.
You can change this. Not today, or tomorrow, but you can.
Get some advice, just put one foot in front of the other.
You do not have to live like this.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, legal advise! Most attorneys will give you legal consult for free. Go speak to someone who can at least tell you what you would need to do/expect. It will help you to feel a bit more in control. I stayed for YEARS. I thought our lives were so entangled with kids and finances it was not even possible to leave. I was wrong.
Big hugs.
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs....etc.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Ladybird579
I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs....etc.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Ladybird579
I don't even know how to go there with a child and a mortgage and a home that is really not in selling shape and bills, and dogs....etc.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
OK when I decied I was done I had an animal rescue with 40 rabbits in my garden, 8 cats, a dog, 12 guinea pigs and a half finished house that needed work I couldn't do, 8 kids at home, 4 of whom were on the cusp of going to uni and one doing training. I had no job outside the home, no money and nowhere to go.
I made a plan and 3 years on am divorced, in a flat with my two youngest sons. 3 cats ( my older kids took the rest and ditto the piggies) my dog is with a good friend and I see him all the time. My older adult kids got a house together and are at uni or finished now. The rescue animals all got adopted and the house sold after I got workmen in to do the bits I couldn't.
We are happy...so happy. At the time I seriously doubted how it would all come together but it did. You can do it. Yes we've less money but you can't buy peace and great memories we are building.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
one time one of our dogs had some serious intestinal issues that we were not aware of.....he managed to get himself OUT of the pen, made it to the back of the house, trying to get down the stairs - as far away as he could get. BUT his GI tract didn't hold out and there was a lengthy trail of canine diarrhea thru my living and down the back CARPETED stairs.
awesome home coming.
did i WANT to deal with the fecal matter covering what seemed like a mile of my carpet?
NO.
did i want to get soapy water and cloths and get on my hands and knees and start scrubbing up dog sh!t?
NO.
but what was my choice? leave it ? live WITH it? incorporate it into my normal?
NO.
we often do what we HAVE to do, rarely what we WANT to do, or WISH we could. it's part of being a grown up.
awesome home coming.
did i WANT to deal with the fecal matter covering what seemed like a mile of my carpet?
NO.
did i want to get soapy water and cloths and get on my hands and knees and start scrubbing up dog sh!t?
NO.
but what was my choice? leave it ? live WITH it? incorporate it into my normal?
NO.
we often do what we HAVE to do, rarely what we WANT to do, or WISH we could. it's part of being a grown up.
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