I came back because...
 

Everything I did when I stayed in the home with AH never worked. The threats, bargains, deals, coping... It was never enough until I left. Even the last chance in March when I had an apartment and ready to move wasn't enough. But this last time on April 25th, when he called me a POS and told me to f off and I did, he got sober. Took him a week to get there but I'm still gone and he's still sober.

I'm giving it a year away. If he can not stay sober, we'll be divorcing and it'll be over and he knows it. He's got to hit his one year walk alone before we can think about us. It's the only thing I have never truly embraced. He wants trust where there has never really been any. The ball is in his court and I'm watching.

Stay safe

BoxinRotz......it sounds like a good move, to me.....
I wonder if he is following any kind or program....or just trying to white knuckle it....
Who knows....in one year, you may be looking at life through a totally different filter.....

Sounds like a good plan. Welcome back. Here when you need us.

My mom kicked my alcoholic dad out of the house back in the mid 80s. They were separated for 3 years. He stayed sober, worked a program, did therapy, and marriage counselling. They have been together ever since, but it took a lot of work. One of the best things was watching my mom become whole again.

I don't know what he has in place. I know what I have in place though. I take care of myself first and foremost! Since I mentioned no trust, I had to pretty much end the marriage based on his drinking and outlandish lies over the last several years.

I got to speak to the man who married us yesterday at work. He asked me what was up? I told him that he is newly sober and I was taking a year leave because he could never make it past 6-8 months sober. He said that anyone can go a quick minute without but can he go long-term? That is the question. But we're going to find out. The consequences for him drinking one more drop will be life changing for him. He'll have no one else to blame but himself.

And, there will be zero men who are invited into my circle. I don't need outside interference to find out who I am. That is Rule Number 1 and will send me off track and I owe myself respect, love, happiness and most of all, healing! Besides the fact that I'd be a horrible person to a new person in my life. I just don't need that kinda crap and don't want it!

It's good to hear from you again, Rotz! You still sound strong and determined and no matter what happens, I know you will be fine. I hope you'll stick around. I always enjoyed your posts. (((HUGS)))

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I had just a few....domestic issues....w my wife.

I believe she basically gave up on me but wasn't ready to divorce me.

She would leave me in my room...drunk as a skunk. It helped that she worked a mid shift so i could drink my brains out.

Sadly...i was caring for my son and step son...while i was wasted for hundreds of days.

Thank God nothing happened.

I was lucky.

No need for luck w drinking any more.

It took a medical scare to break me enough to quit.

If my wife divorced me....i really could not blame her.

Thanks.

Medical scares do nothing for him. NOTHING!

BRotz.....I am sure that you are factoring in that he has had a significant brain injury. and, as I know that you know, all too well, that this can have lasting effects. Memory, judgement, emotional regulation, executive function---any of that....
What you see, may be what you get.....

Rotz - glad you're back here - and out into a peaceful place!

I can deal with the TBI. I can not deal with the TBI AND him being an active alcoholic. I knew he'd be different if I got to bring him home in July 2013. I am fully capable of accepting his TBI. I don't have to accept it if he's going to be a turd though .

:c011:

Ah, that is the Box we all know and love, no punches pulled! And what a quotable quote! Do you mind if I start using that to greet newbies?? ;)

You certainly can. :biggrin:

I've missed you Rotz!! Sorry about what you're going through, but glad to hear you are still the very strong woman we all know and love.

Hey Rotz! You've got this, I know you do! Welcome back!

Hello Rotzy! Great picture in your gear...were you able to get out much this past fall and this spring to hunt?

Oh, sheesh, I was thinking I'd welcomed you back but it looks like I dropped the ball. Welcome back! Good to see ya!

Glad you're taking care of yourself.