hearthealth

Some cemetary have areas you can scatter ashes in a garden section. Are there grandchild nieces,nephews for this urn?

Maudcat

Was there a place where you and she were happy, before the alcohol and pills took over? Maybe, if you don't wish to return the urn, you could scatter them there.
Or a place that has meaning for you and where you think you and she can be at peace.
Just a thought.

HeartbrokenGuy

Thank you for the suggestions.

The kids are already getting some of her ashes. The ashes have been split 3 ways, some for each of her children (19,13) and myself.

I do like the idea of spreading them. I am getting some pressure from a few acquaintances of ours from 10 years ago about a memorial service for her. I feel terrible saying this but I don't think I want to do that.

LexieCat

No reason her friends can't do their own memorial service if they are so inclined.

Look, to repeat again, the two of you had broken up. If this had happened ten years down the line, it's doubtful that all of this would be falling into your lap. You were kind to her children--which was awesome on your part, particularly given that they needed someone to help them grieve. But that's really your only responsibility toward others in her life--past or present.

firebolt

Don't do anything you don't want to do.

FWIW, a month is nothing. I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and I still have basket case days here and there, and sobbing breakdown days....and my mom, well....shes going through the motions of functioning.

THere isn't a timeline for grief, but you might spare yourself some regret if you sit on them for a while. Then again, maybe it would be therapeutic to let them blow off in the wind.

We poured my dads into the creek we grew up camping with him by...but each of us saved a tiny bit in a piece of jewelry...just to have "him" close somewhere if we need it.

THey make men's bracelets - if you are hell bent on getting rid of them, but want a memento to save just in case.

https://www.google.com/search?q=mens...celet&tbm=shop

Hang in there, keep taking care of yourself, and don't listen to anyone telling you what you should be doing for her. You've done all you can, and then some.

Maudcat

You don't have to hold a memorial service. Perhaps, given how things were at the end, you wouldn't be the best person right now to do so.
Maybe, if it continues to come up, you provide a couple names of organizations to which they can donate in her memory.
Animal shelters and rescue operations come to mind.

PuzzledHeart

If it's that important to them they can organize it. You don't have to bear yet again another obligation.

HeartbrokenGuy

Thank you all.

At this point I've made the choice to do nothing. I have many other things to sort out before I need to cross the bridge of what to do with her ashes.