"Functional Alcoholic" re-post
 

This AM I was reading through my "Wisdom of SR" folder, which is a collection of things that have really hit home for me from the SR site over the years. One of the things that stood out for me was a post a member had made about the term "functional alcoholic", what it means and how we use it. It seemed good enough to re-post, so here it is:

I'm not going to be very eloquent here, but when people who aren't in it use the phrase "functioning alcoholic" or imply that the situation isn't that difficult because the alcoholic is able to maintain a job and doesn't beat anyone, or because they "obviously" care for their families, those people are dismissing the biggest parts of what makes humans who we are.

The fact that a person can hold a job, can move about the world without stumbling and hurting themselves or others, that they can make a sandwich for their kids - those functions don't make a human a full and complete human. A robot can do all of those things.

To truly function, a human has to be able to do more than that, and honestly a human doesn't need to be able to do the things above to be able to "function" as a human being. The other things - like connecting to others with truth - are so much more important. I've come to the realization that there's no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. There may be physically capable alcoholics, but that's as far as I can go.

(Can't attribute it b/c I didn't save the member's name, only the post)

Thank you.

Spot on!

That's a brilliant post. Thank you for sharing it.

Thank you for posting that. This resonates with me. I used to refer to my ex as a functional alcoholic. But in my self-work of coming to terms with the reality of what my marriage was, he was truly only "functional" in the ways that you described above. His alcoholism and his past issues, combined with his complete denial of them and refusal to address them, meant that he could never truly be there as a full partner, and he didn't even have the CAPACITY to love me or our children the way we need and deserve.

Hi Honeypig!

Any chance you could post more from your folder? x

Very true post- I know my mom was a "physically functioning" parent most of the time she was drinking....but the pain, fear, uncertainty, disruption (etc etc) of her drinking was way more impactful than the basic functions meant. That's what left the damage.

Love!!! Thanks!

Thanks, HP! I have a bit of a problem with the term. Everyone is a functioning alcoholic until they aren't. When people use it to describe themselves, it sounds to me as if they are trying to minimize the extent of their drinking.
"Oh, it's not that bad. I have a job. I pay my bills."
Hah.
I think I am sensitive to it because my father could be considered by some as a functioning alcoholic. Never missed a day of work, worked hard at a shipyard, saved money, maintained a reasonably happy marriage.
He drank every day, more on weekends.
And he was just not present in our lives. I often felt, and still do, that he would have been very happy without a wife and children.
That he married because it was the expected thing to do.
I have few truly happy memories of my father.
Maybe that's just who he was, and the drink had nothing to do with it.
Anyway, that's mybeef with the term, functioning alcoholic.
Thanks, again, for posting. Would love to see more of the old threads.

I'm glad this is turning out to be useful for so many of you guys! I will be glad to keep going through my folder to see what seems like it might be helpful. I will commit to posting one a week for sure and maybe more if time permits.

I feel like I'm standing on the shoulders of giants when I re-post these things, and I'm so glad to be able to mirror their light.

To quote Robin Williams................Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer - you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

something i notice, and it was for me,too, is when functioning alcoholic is used, its the actions that are considered. i did that pretty good- worked,played, took care of the house, yard,etc.
THEN there was my thinking- that part of this functioning alcoholic wasnt functioning for crap.
as i sunk deeper into alcoholism, the physical functioning started catching up to the mental functioning

Great post, Honeypig! When I hear the term functional alcoholic, I cringe. Most alcoholics are functional in the beginning......until they are not. It is truly a cunning and baffling disease. Functioning is a stage not a type.

I did use the term "functioning alcoholic" to describe my AH until realized that he was functioning because he has surrounded himself with enablers - one of them being me. I am working on that.

Seems to me most people use that term to distinguish from the alcoholic who's sleeping with his bottle under a bridge or on a park bench. As if anything better than that is "functional."

I was functional if you were on the outside looking at the exterior of my life, but things were starting to fall apart, and I was BARELY holding it together for the sake of appearances. Inside I was a mess, and the outsides were starting to fray.

What I have heard is that a "functioning alcoholic" is functioning as an alcoholic. Not functioning as a person.

Mike :)

Honeypig : )
Thank you so much for posting this. I wrote that - on a day when I was feeling together and in control of my new situation. The past two weeks with my STBXAH have been trying. In person, he behaves normally and polite, but then he goes home, gets drunk and barrages me with texts or emails about the lack of progress on our divorce that always end with insults about my intelligence and competence. Even though I know how to handle these communications, it still beats me down when I'm feeling weak. It felt good to find out that you considered this thought of mine worthy of your file.
Thank you so much. WT

I wish I could remember which book/biography I read where the alcoholic himself debunked this phrase saying something along the lines of ..... the term functional alcoholic simply means 'A Drunk with a job'. That really simplified the phrase to it's base-level meaning for me.

I agree with this very much. As the disease progresses with time, the level of functioning diminishes.

No, thank YOU, Westexy! Look how many people got some help from your little gem!

This is why I urge newbies to post, and not just in their own thread. Every single person here has some viewpoint, some insight, some knowledge or experience that some other person will benefit from, if only it's shared.

Thanks again, Westexy, for this insightful posting.

A quick Google search showed me "And Drink I Did" by Jay Keefe as having that quote, although it might not be the only one--does that sound familiar? Is it something you'd recommend to read?