We are all mother's!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
We are all mother's!
I want to wish every one of us a happy Mother's Day!
There have been years when I am not close to my adult children on mothers day. As many know, I've parented through addiction, which is depleting & causes one to question - "did I mess up somewhere? Was I an imperfect mother?"
Every mother, every being, throughout history is imperfect. Most people try to do their best everyday. Not all. Some are sociopaths...
But, mostly, humans are good. And mothers really want to be good mothers, every morning of every day, until they aren't a "good mother" & then you feel like ****...
But, in the end, it is all our job to mother (read - nurture) each other. Biological parenting does not hold a patent on nurturing!
We all need it - male or female, young or old, gay or straight, tall or small. Each person needs moments of unconditional nurturing! Like a really good mom would give!
But, even my mother - Mona - now passed - brilliant, brave, challenged. She didn't know a lot about nurturing. I still am thirsty there!
I think that we - as friends - need to offer each other motherly nurturing today (for Mother's Day), but all days really! A cup of tea, a long hug, a phone call. Let's "mother" each other! Everybody is a bit exhausted! Mostly without daily contact to mothering energy. Let's spread it around!
Happy mother's day to everybody! We all hold the mother archetype in us (male or female). Let's all gift someone a shot of fierce, accepting, mommy-love today! (The way we need it ourselves!)
There have been years when I am not close to my adult children on mothers day. As many know, I've parented through addiction, which is depleting & causes one to question - "did I mess up somewhere? Was I an imperfect mother?"
Every mother, every being, throughout history is imperfect. Most people try to do their best everyday. Not all. Some are sociopaths...
But, mostly, humans are good. And mothers really want to be good mothers, every morning of every day, until they aren't a "good mother" & then you feel like ****...
But, in the end, it is all our job to mother (read - nurture) each other. Biological parenting does not hold a patent on nurturing!
We all need it - male or female, young or old, gay or straight, tall or small. Each person needs moments of unconditional nurturing! Like a really good mom would give!
But, even my mother - Mona - now passed - brilliant, brave, challenged. She didn't know a lot about nurturing. I still am thirsty there!
I think that we - as friends - need to offer each other motherly nurturing today (for Mother's Day), but all days really! A cup of tea, a long hug, a phone call. Let's "mother" each other! Everybody is a bit exhausted! Mostly without daily contact to mothering energy. Let's spread it around!
Happy mother's day to everybody! We all hold the mother archetype in us (male or female). Let's all gift someone a shot of fierce, accepting, mommy-love today! (The way we need it ourselves!)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Great post, heartcore, thanks!
My own mother is an ACOA who never sought any help. She divorced when I was about 8 and then married an abusive man who caused damage to all of my 6 siblings and myself as well as furthering my mom's damage. There was sexual abuse, and she took his side, calling me a liar and claiming I was "seeking attention."
I went NC w/her for a number of years. Since starting my own recovery, I have come to understand what made her as she is. We now have a relationship again, but I always try to bear in mind the concept of "bread from the hardware store." There are things I know I simply cannot get in this relationship, and so I save myself the heartache of trying. I do the best I can, be the best person I can, within the boundaries that keep me safe.
So true, hc. A thought worth keeping with me today on Mother's Day and on into the future. Thanks again.
My own mother is an ACOA who never sought any help. She divorced when I was about 8 and then married an abusive man who caused damage to all of my 6 siblings and myself as well as furthering my mom's damage. There was sexual abuse, and she took his side, calling me a liar and claiming I was "seeking attention."
I went NC w/her for a number of years. Since starting my own recovery, I have come to understand what made her as she is. We now have a relationship again, but I always try to bear in mind the concept of "bread from the hardware store." There are things I know I simply cannot get in this relationship, and so I save myself the heartache of trying. I do the best I can, be the best person I can, within the boundaries that keep me safe.
But, in the end, it is all our job to mother (read - nurture) each other. Biological parenting does not hold a patent on nurturing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm actually going to reach out with the nurturing tomorrow! Even if it is a few texts, or visiting the neighbors!
After writing/thinking about that post, I decided to devote every Mother's Day to nurturing people. In subtle ways. All day long.
I try to be nurturing always, but I don't make it a conscious practice.
One of the things I had to work through with the whole codependent philosophy was the idea that I was "too nice." "Gullible," "Naive," "overly trusting."
As I heal/recover, I know that I am actually an awesomely kind person. I like trusting. I like nurturing and being supportive of people.
Healing from codependency doesn't mean I need to be any less kind, loving, or optimistic!
Just a tad more self-protective & discerning, perhaps. But the good heart is a good thing!
After writing/thinking about that post, I decided to devote every Mother's Day to nurturing people. In subtle ways. All day long.
I try to be nurturing always, but I don't make it a conscious practice.
One of the things I had to work through with the whole codependent philosophy was the idea that I was "too nice." "Gullible," "Naive," "overly trusting."
As I heal/recover, I know that I am actually an awesomely kind person. I like trusting. I like nurturing and being supportive of people.
Healing from codependency doesn't mean I need to be any less kind, loving, or optimistic!
Just a tad more self-protective & discerning, perhaps. But the good heart is a good thing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
And Honeypig,
Yes, there are things we can't get in certain relationships because the person does not have it to give us.
My mom was super amazing, but there were many things she simply could not give me.
My recovery goal lately is to figure out what those things are that I need in a deep way (or needed as a child), and figure out how to give them to myself as an adult.
If I lack nurturing, I need to make friends who value nurturing...(and so on...)
Yes, there are things we can't get in certain relationships because the person does not have it to give us.
My mom was super amazing, but there were many things she simply could not give me.
My recovery goal lately is to figure out what those things are that I need in a deep way (or needed as a child), and figure out how to give them to myself as an adult.
If I lack nurturing, I need to make friends who value nurturing...(and so on...)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
I think Mothers Day is difficult for many of us, full of conflicting and baffling emotions. Thank you for the suggestion. A good way to meet this internal discord is by reaching out to those who might need a bit of mothering today.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
